The Ex

The ex called through this morning.  I was distracted on the computer, and, seeing the call number display out of the corner of my eye, thought it was another friend calling through.  Since I have deleted the exes' details out of my phone, and can't just screen my calls that way anymore.

This is the ex who was asking about (aka stalking) me via my mother, and that Mistress had Ordered me never to contact again, after the apparent final email I sent a few weeks ago.

She started off asking how There was, and I said I hadn't moved yet.  Then asked how long I had known the girl, and that the ex had known me twelve times as long, and I had never just up and moved to her.  How can you make a decision in six months with her that you couldn't make with me for six years.  And that was the basis of the conversation for the rest of it.  Oh, as well as 'I hope you know what you are getting into with children' because the ex obviously thinks I won't be able to handle that, or indeed that I haven't been thinking about it up until she mentioned it.  Oh, and 'what is wrong with me, why didn't we work out'.

I have those type of answers at my fingertips (September 2008, January 2009 spring to mind immediately), but I'm not the type of person to continue a character assassination when the person is obviously already unhappy.  Oh, and 'why did you lie to me, I thought we were friends' about the whole There scenario.  I mean, she was kinda sorta with me for six years, doesn't she know my avoidance techniques by now?  And 'have you slept with her yet, that's a regret of mine that we never did that'.

I was different when I was with the ex.  It is only the last year or so, or indeed, the last six months, that I have gotten comfortable to the point where depression isn't a daily battle with me.  And no, it is more than just the pills with that.  I wasn't as bright and bubbly as I am now, even though I did my best at putting up that facade in the past.

I could have brought up a myriad of reasons for why we broke up, from the employment opportunities in the exes part of the world, to the lack of sleeping together - which, bastardly as it is to say, was a conscious choice on my part - to her ranting about my female friends, but the primary reason I avoided giving a straight answer this morning was the fact that I didn't want to say to her, to hurt her feelings, that I am head over heels for Mistress, in a way that I never was with the ex.

One thing the conversation brought back to me though, is how much the ex thought we would possibly get back together at some point, when, for mine, it has been over and not being resurrected (dead, buried, cremated, as I would say if I were in politics) for at least two years.  With the serious cracks starting almost three years ago.  Is woebegotten a word?  If so, what is it's actual meaning?  Because that is what the ex sounded like.

Then, I rang Mistress to be consoled or whatever was going on in my mind at the time.  Sir answered, and said Mistress was a bit distracted at the moment, but because of the enormity of what I had just been through, he handed me over.  Had a quick, thirty second discussion, before Mistress decided to put the phone down, without disconnecting me, so that she could concentrate on her 'distractions'.  Which were lovely to hear, as the endorphins only now start calming down from that.  Certainly took my mind off the ex, until I got around to writing this blog.

Hope to talk to Mistress about the ex when she is less distracted...