Sir

He makes me nervous.  And not in that delicious, good way.

99% of my doubts about how over There will go are based around Sir.  As you would have guessed yesterday, Mistress and I are sweet, and I have no doubt about how things will work out with her.  Sir however is a different kettle of fish.  How many hand grenades should I throw in this post, hmm?

Our personalities, our life experiences have been totally totally different.  He usually has me off kilter without even trying, or perhaps even being aware of it.  Whereas communication with Mistress is strong and always has been, with Sir I struggle with small talk sometimes.  And even when I do try, I usually only get one word or one sentence replies, that don't really invite further discussion.  And that's not him being a Dom, with instructions and such, that is just him being him.

When I blew up at Mistress the other day, it was kind of partially because Sir seemed to talk over the top of me when I was trying to talk to her, distracting her and meaning she had two conversations on the go.  And of course the feeling that I was the less important one, and it wasn't the first time that had happened either, just the first time I had somewhat snapped.

And also when the topic of explaining the situation to my parents came up, Sir said well, he hasn't explained the situation to his parents, and wouldn't have been as silly as to invite his family over.  Which has made me grind my teeth a bit, hell, a LOT, the last week or so.  Either I am stupid for letting my family visit There, or my parents are stupid to decide to visit.  I'm not in the mood for apologising that I have a great relationship with my parents.

And the whole confusion over whether I was Owned for all of twenty milliseconds or not.  Yes, he apologised for messing around with the labels for that, and it was impulsive on his part, but, believe it or not, my heart soared when I thought I was Owned, and then fell quite a bit when it was then publicly confirmed I wasn't.

I am very secure, most of the time, with my position in this very non traditional set up.  I am not going to steal his girlfriend, his sub.  He does things for Mistress that I couldn't even imagine contemplating, let alone attempting.  Let alone achieving with any sort of success.  I would be an awful switch, and I can't even compute attempting to be a Dom.  Epic Fail much?

And he hasn't even confirmed any sort of reply to that email I sent, that I almost had a meltdown about the last time I visited, about 'playing' with Mistress.  And how would he react if I suggested having one on one time, say a dinner out or something, with her?

Can you see how much uncertainty I have with him?  Seriously, sometimes it does my head in.  I hope I haven't come across too negative above, because I am not wanting to rock the boat any more than I have to, but yes, I do feel I need to get some of these thoughts out, and to have everyone thinking about them before I get There.  So that we can attempt to resolve them before they do become negative.

I just wish I was certain that he respects me, as a real person, rather than just, umm, a concept or something.

Eek, execution awaits, part two...