I took a mental health day yesterday. Not that I necessarily needed it - well, at the start of the day at least - but was catching up with friends who only have Mondays and Tuesdays off. In one of the suburbs about half an hour north of me Here. Caught up for brunch and talked and talked and talked, and they seemed to take a shine to me, even though they were both INTJs, because before I knew it, brunch had become an extended lunch at a cafe in my suburb. Mmmm, bagels.
And then I got kidnapped further - well, kidnapped if it had been against my will - to go and visit sex shops in the city. I haven't been to a sex shop in like fifteen years or so, and even then, it was just a quick in out (hur hur) with an ex. This time around, we went to three shops all up, plus a leather fashion place, plus a supermarket. One of those dichotomy moments, going from dildos and nipple clamps, and then ten minutes later, wondering whether Coke or Pepsi LOL.
My eyes lit up at the butt plugs (obviously), the corsets, the shoes, the boots. Oh, and the blindfolds, gags and gimp masks. The female mate I was with said ooh, it seems you are into sensory deprivation. I replied with a wicked, wicked grin. At times it was a bit of sensory overload, with my head spinning a bit.
And the friends kept saying they would kidnap me, tie me up and throw me in the boot, which, as I bite my lip, is something that gives me the big anime 'I want' eyes. And B, the woman, said it had been YEARS since she had a pet, and she was asking her Boss, can I have one. And of course, I volunteered, if Mistress would give her permission - which she did later in the day, for 'next time'. Ooh, look, I have a Tuesday scheduled off before I go There. Hehehehe. She flicked me with a couple of crops and a flogger. Which was, of course, delicious.
And then, as they were dropping me off home, damn, no kidnapping, they invited me out for dinner as well. They must have liked me. And I do hope to catch up with them before I go, even if no kidnapping or beating occurs. Though that option would be preferable.
Rang Mistress, she was jealous of the amazingly great day I had had. And was relaxing into just having a quiet evening in, when my bestie Here rang through and said what are you up to, $5 steak night, come back into town. So I did. And stuck around for more than just the steak, dammit. I iz broke, after paying a large bill last week, and not pay day until next week. Rolling my eyes at myself, I was supposed to save one of these decades, I am sure of it lol.
And then got home, and after the highs of earlier in the day, I crashed. And burned. Doubts overwhelming me. The whole thing of Sir seeming to have everything well in hand over there, making me think why am I considering going. Surplus to requirements. And one of those things that I thought too much about and got more and more uptight and all that. And hit depression. And thought about opening my wrists.
There might be okay now, that they have realised things need to be fixed or whatever, but Here. I am alone, I come home alone. And the thinking of why Mistress would want me there, and not coming up with an answer. Gah.
Hmm. Two meltdowns in what, four days. If I hadn't taken a sick day yesterday, I would really contemplate doing so today. Though that would be a bad idea, staying home by myself and distractedly poking at my depression. Until it blows up again.
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