Shopping Expedition

So, I was in the local Woolworths earlier today, after my doc appointment (more on that below later).  I needed milk and something to cook for dinner tonight, and that was about it.  Now, I have a preference for ready made meals, living by oneself as I am currently, but I should have seen the warning signs when none of that type of food appealed to me.

I went over to the meats, and then proceeded to agonise over whether I actually wanted to, you know, use a pot or pan or roasting dish.  And then the thought of what groceries will look like over There made the inevitable appearance.  Will I be on the shopping trips, or will Sir?  Will I have to buy my own things like a lodger, or will I be included?  Now, it is funny, because the Logical side of me has been going OMG WTF at some of the decisions I have made about this adventure, but right at that particular moment Logical Me was saying I was being irrational, in the supportive of There way.  Which hasn't always been the case with Mr Logic.

I was wandering back and forth between the bakery section and the meats, probably looking quite lost, when I eventually made the decision to get mince.  If I got say, any other type of meat, than the remainder after tonight's meal would probably end up in The Freezer That TIme Forgot, never to be seen again until The Move, and defrosting time.  I used to be so good at pottering around the kitchen, cooking and all that, but three years by oneself, yeah, the enthusiam levels wane.

And that is what I realised the fretting about groceries was about earlier on - moving from living by myself to a pretty full household, that will be a bit of an adjustment.  Nothing to do with the kink side of things, apart from the usual fear of disappointing Mistress.

And then when I did get the mince, and the milk, and the pasta sauce - I thought I had pasta at home, and if I didn't, well, rice is an easy back up option - I was fretting thinking how pathetic it was to only have three things in the shopping basket, I might as well just put them all back and go home and pay twice as much for the milk at the service station.  And did I feel like sweets or chips or something.  I would have been a sight to see I am sure.

So with that all out of the way, god knows how the actual meal will turn out.  If it even happens LOL.

Maybe, with the decision to go over There, the decision to take Orders from Sir and Mistress, and just all the other decisions I have been making the last few weeks, maybe I just ran out of decisiveness.  Too much choice, in a supermarket.  Maybe going back on the pills will calm me down a bit more.  Or maybe not.

Actually, that is a good lead in to another blog post I have been thinking of writing - how the logical side of me just sees innummerable barriers to how There is going to go, an almost infinite amount of things to get through, whereas the emotional side of me sees it as a simple Yes/No switch.  Will the relationships and the situation in general work?  Yes or No.  Anyways, that is for another blog post, not this one.

So yes, went to the doctor earlier in the day.  Refilled that prescription that I had allowed to lapse, and gave me six months worth of repeats.  Told him of the big changes coming up, and the fact that 'my partner' didn't want me to go without the meds while I am going through all the stuff.  Briefly touched on a couple of other things, while not bringing Sir up, and the doc said what would a counsellor really add to the situation at this stage, it needs to be sorted out for better or for worse in person.  Oh, and that it was a good sign that Mistress had more faith in how things will play out than I do.  I will take my good signs where I can get them hahaha.

Just with the meds, I just hope they don't completely flatten me out, like they did for a period last time around.  To get rid of the lows and to get rid of the highs hmm.  Ah well, anyways, I have no choice in the matter now, I will only get out of medication now with sign off from both Mistress and the medical fraternity.

After the supermarket almost meltdown, now off to be decisive with my mother, tell her a few things she needs to know about the ex.  And who knows, maybe Mistress will come into the conversation lol.  Don't think my mother is quite ready for me trying to explain Sir yet though.  We will leave that for Christmas Day hahahahahaha.