Logic and Emotion

I should be looking at job ads, but instead I am trying to work up enthusiasm for another blog post.  This is something I thought of a few days ago, so one thing I have learned with having ideas, is that the longer you sit on them, the more difficult it is to verbalise them.  And the television is distracting, I don't even watch Community in 'real life' - why does daytime television distract us in ways primetime doesn't?  Anyways, that dilemma is for another post methinks.

With Mistress, Sir, There and everything else on the agenda, my Logical and Emotional sides are not seeing eye to eye.  They were in lock step until my first visit There, and then Logic Self was going to be the perfect tourist, do activities as set down on the itinerary, and meet up with my best friend.  Best friend then put spanner in works by opening my eyes and mind to my innate submissiveness.  I say 'spanner in works' in the most bestest possible way of course.  And for the first time in a long long time, my Emotional Self began to diverge from Logic.

Am not going to go through a blow by blow rundown of the past few months - rather than analyse, I think it is best to think things through from where we are now, rather than try to pinpoint the actual timeline of best friend to submissive to falling in love - as I pause letting those last three words sink in.  So yes, from where we are now.

Logic Self is thinking OMG OMG WTF at how things have gone.  At how much I have compromised already, even before getting There.  At how on earth things can work out with all the complications that are in the way.  At how unusual the situation is, at how many things that could go wrong.

Emotional Self is relaxed, almost too relaxed about it all.  To him, it is a simple Yes/No response to whether it will work.  Either it will, or it won't.  Whereas Logic is seeing every single micro action or decision as a possible logjam.  Emotional has been absent for so long from my primary decision making that he is saying let me have a go in the driving seat for a while, it has been forever since I have felt this way.

Actually, the longer this goes on, the more I feel that I have NEVER felt this way.  My first truly madly deeply went wrong all too quickly, and since then, I have had a rebound, a psuedo relationship, and a friend with benefits, the latter of which could have been more, but just wasn't.  We were better as a relationship interstate than in person, dammit.  No, actually, that doesn't quite equate with ALL of my relationships, thank goodness.  And the longer this current relationship goes on, without it falling apart, it just - She just continues to wow me.

And, as well as Logical Me and Emotional Me, the fact that Mistress continually reassures me when I need it, that is the third part of the triangle of my uncertainty.  And her portion of the triangle is the most stable.  I am not going to lose what I currently have - a loving relationship with my best friend.  I am not going to be run out of town over There.  She has the utmost faith that things will work.  Even if I move out to a secondary residence, she wants me close at hand.

Being in limbo until I am there, I have kind of taken the attitude that there's little point stressing about it at the moment.  When I get there however, hmm.  No, I won't be stressed.  She will order me not to be if needed, and also the fact that she will be there as well...

Yeah, I know, the above doesn't make as much sense as I thought it would when I first thought of it a week ago, but heck, I can only write what is in my head at any given time.  It is good, and it is stable.  I have to get used to that thought, no matter how unusual the rest of the situation is.