As For My Actual Day Today

Has been a replay of last Sunday basically.  Without the duvet around me on the couch.  I have had the couch and the computer and the television.  Lazy day.  Needed to do a couple of job applications but didn't get to them (as I pout at my own laziness).

Oh, and I feel the medication is flattening my moods, rather than just getting rid of the negatives.  At the moment I want the highs.  Though, to be fair to the pills, there's not much to be high about around Here.  Almost all the positives are over There.  And that's not talking up There, it is just a statement of fact.

I don't feel as alive over Here as I used to, even when I was in the rut I was in.  I have been Here seven years, and that may be a couple of years too long.  And why oh why in all that time was I unable to find a girl I could date over here???  All that time everyone said 'oh, look for someone in your own city' and it just NEVER happened.  What's that all about?  And in my previous city, which is my hometown, I only got friends rather than dates.

Oh, wait, there was this one blind date that I remember, back when mobile phones were just becoming popular, and I hadn't quite figured out the oh I am just texting a friend trick.  As in, to SAVE HER from my utter boredomness.  Ah well, that was during the time of my meltdown after first truly madly deeply imploded.  At least, I think it was.  Failed relationships, I could write three or four books on them.  But, this is where I am supposed to be endlessly positive and in love and all the rest of it.  And submissive.  LOL, if only I had realised that side of me YEARS ago.  It has been trying to get out for DECADES it seems.

But then, if I had realised it years ago, I wouldn't have made the journey to this point in time.  I likely would not have met Mistress, or even if I had (somehow), would not have been making the journey to be with her and Sir.

As a good friend said to me a couple of weeks ago, if I hadn't gone through my romantic disasters, I wouldn't be the person I am today.  I guess that is a good thing?

Oh, and somewhat of a postscript, talked to Mistress today.  She said she had discussed some of the things she and I have discussed with Sir - she didn't give specifics, I didn't ask - and she said that Sir agreed that I would have to do something totally insanely out of character for me to be given the boot from There.  It is quite funny how their vision of a worst case scenario, is to me - well, I don't want to calculate it down to statistics or anything.  Their worst case scenario is almost everything I would hope for.

I am doing my utmost not to pull my age old trick of self sabotage.  I am sure Sir and Mistress will forbid me of that option, anyway.