Dizzy Spell

I was feeling dizzy at work today, so I came home halfway through it.  It is the type of dizziness which comes on more when I try to concentrate, and the easiest way I find to deal with it is just to vege out.  It is a bit of a worry, because when I do feel that type of dizziness, it can sometimes be a precursor to a seizure - I am epileptic.  And then, when I was on the train home, I realised my dizzy spells and epilepsy tends to come out more when I am stressed, which, not to put too fine a point on it, there is a sense of nervous tension around lately.

When I was with one of my other relationships, and when it started going seriously wrong, I had three seizures in three months.  Not that I am saying that the situation with Sir and Mistress over There is anything like that particular relationship - I know the warning signs of that partner's personality, so that hopefully I avoid that type in future - but yes, there are aspects of nervous tension around.

Or it could have just been a physiological reaction to what I got up to on Saturday night.  Went to a kink themed club night - kink 'themed'?  Heck, it was a kink club, so yeah, anyways - and I volunteered for audience participation.  Specifically, to get flogged.  My friends could see me keeping looking at the cross, and they said well if you want to, go for it.  So, after ten minutes of grinding my teeth and biting my lip, I went up and was second in line.  Texted Mistress to tell her what I was up to, and I got a 'squee!' in return - love it when that happens.

And then, the first guy up, just, he must have a high pain threshold, because he just kept getting whacked harder and harder, and then the electrodes came out - I grit my teeth at electricity play, I don't think it is really my thing at all - but after a while of this, I just emptied my mind and went into pain slut mode, so I kinda just zoned out how hard the hits were getting.  Well, most of them, some were extremely thwacky.

Just before I got up, I sent Mistress a text reassuring her that I wouldn't have volunteered if I didn't have people there who I thought could take care of me if necessary, and I did tell the guy doing it, as I was getting handcuffed to the cross, that I was pretty well just at beginner level.  He said he would ramp the pain up slowly, and gave me an easy way of stopping it if I needed to.  I just think I was possibly cuffed a little too high on the cross, I had to keep readjusting my feet and legs, to get in the vicinity of a comfortable position.  Relatively speaking, I mean LOL.

And the blindfold.  I had a vicious grin when he put that on me.  And apparently, a session with fingernails from TWO MONTHS AGO, I still have the marks on my back from that.  Not just scratches, they may well damned have become scars.  The person who did that was well pleased that the marks are still there - no, it wasn't Sir nor Mistress lol.  And then the guy did fingernails and floggers and paddles.  We did get to my 'in public' pain threshold, but it took a while, and my back was well red, and two days later the welts are coming up nicely.  I was well blissed out, even with just the fingernails work.

Well worth the price of admission.

I didn't hit subspace at all, primarily, and I only realised this in hindsight, because my Doms weren't there.  And there is a big difference between being service topped and being dominated by Important People, as I discovered.  I was shaky and I was quiet afterwards, but I wasn't weak on my feet to the point of collapsing into bed like the time Sir and Mistress had a go at me.  Nothing that I actually needed aftercare for.

I felt sorry for one of my mates, she is the sub in that relationship, and her Dom, also a friend of mine, won't let her wear a collar, nor would let her get up on the cross.  As I was trying to sympathise with her as she had a cigarette, the friend said 'smug isn't a good look, blissed out I can handle'.  Damn, I never try to look smug.

It was an interesting night.  The whole gamut of fashion, from full latex bodysuits to panties and boots and not much more.  Was interesting, there were a few girls around the place, either up on equipment or in darkened corners, who were kind of, I dunno, it seemed showing off, playing to the audience or whatever.  Now usually, I am among the first to perve on girls who aren't wearing much of anything, but, it, just felt awkward, I think is the best word.  For me, kink is about a personal connection or experience or whatever, it isn't about putting on a show or seeing if you can shock anyone, and also whether I was just still a bit blissy to be in perve mode is a valid question as well.

There was one girl, being raked with those metal fingernail thingies by some Dom, in a pair of leopard print panties and nothing else, and there was a guy, sixty if he was a day, in a suit, leering over her.  I think that kinda put me off going on a bit of an exploration of the club, and I stuck close to the friends after that point.

Or did that just come across all snobby?  There are a million fetishes, and a million versions of kink, but I guess, yeah that's it, exhibitionism isn't my own personal thing.  Unless, you know, personal connection of some sort or another.

It was funny.  I went to the club expecting to have my eyes wide open and all, but it just seemed a bit blase.  And it made me miss There even more than I do already.

So yes, whether the dizzy spells today were a reaction to the bliss out endorphins leaving over the last 48 hours, not sure.  More likely just a migraine or whatever, but it is an interesting hypothesis LOL.