Meh

Am having my first noticeable attack of the mehs today.  And I can't exactly put my finger on why.  Things are chugging along as per usual.  Maybe it was unloading the dishwasher before, and then immediately starting to load it up again.  Maybe it was Sir saying that I needed a shower because I 'stink'.  Which makes me feel guilty for not having a fresh set of clothes pressed daily and all the rest nor having three showers a day.  My clothes are in another room, which I usually go and track down when I do have my shower, and since I have an early afternoon interview today, I was leaving the shower until later.

I dunno, I get very defensive about my hygiene, maybe because it is one area of my life I continue to have self doubts in.

What other mehness is there today.  Oh, I know logically that it has nothing to do with me, but the daily struggle of making sure everyone wakes up at a reasonable time.  And then after the kids had left (one of them was going to be late) Mistress saying she was going to wake Sir up, and then falling asleep instead.  And just guilt at not feeling I have time to do appropriate levels of housework, mopping floors is the task for the near term future.

And I guess the big one is Mistress saying she is depressed and doesn't feel she has enough hours in the day, and just from my observation, being too close to the ragged edge far too often with her emotions.  Not sure whether the kids are worse than when I visited, or whether Mistress is just more bitey at the moment, but there is tension in all directions in this household.

While I attempt to be the lightning rod, to take some of the excess energy out of things, and to be Mistress' rock.  She said I was doing a great job at being her rock yesterday morning, as I snuck in some cuddle time, before we walked the dog.

In one of our more serious conversations, Sir said he wasn't sure how to snap her out of feeling low.  If he goes all Dommy on her, then I suggested she would likely just shut down further than she has already this week.  Yes, that is it, the feeling of meh is the sense that I can't sort things out for her to any sort of satisfaction.

I will do absolutely ANYTHING for her.  Goosebumps again after writing that.  But at the same time, I'm not sure what she needs, or what she needs me to do - yes, they are two different things lol.

Yesterday hmm.  Interview went well, although the interviewers thought I would be bored with the job (aka being overqualified).  Decision later in the week.  Mutual friend of all three of ours came over for dinner and the evening, lovely girl, and so easy to cuddle with as well.  Hehehe.  And such a clothes horse, in the best sense of the phrase.  She is happy when she tries on nice clothes as well.

Oh, and grocery shopping.  Which, believe it or not, I do enjoy.  The dynamic between Mistress, Sir and I in the shopping centre would be interesting to observe all in itself lol.  Like a binary star with an additional star along, and the orbits and gravity (and attention spans, as I looked at Sir playing with his mobile phone) interacting in 'interesting' ways.

Oh, and one final thing with the meh.  Sir said last night 'you are always in photos with gorgeous girls, yet you don't have sex'.  Way to go on making me feel good about myself, Sir.  The girls I am friends with, are comfortable around me, and I enjoy spending time with them.  I must have missed the 'see all females as potential conquests' class in high school.  And all through my life, society's expectations are that I have a screw loose for working on friendships with girls rather than sex sex sex.  I thought in the situation I find myself in, that would have finally been all behind me, but perhaps not.  Yes, I am livid about it (Sir's comment, not the situation itself), the more I think about it.

Fucking useless romantic, is me...