I hit one of my emergency buttons last night. I got Roma to order me not to do something stupid, which I was very much tempted to do. Which I haven't been tempted to do in hmm, at least five or six years.
I've been uber anxious the last few days, and I am hardly ever anxious in the first place, and nothing much in my life has changed in the last few days anyways. I think too much. Or something.
Stupid vulnerabilities, overwhelming. The most hurtful and worrying thing about the emotions the last few days is where on earth has all the self loathing come from? Because that is the most self destructive emotion I have, through long and bitter experience of battling it in the past. And the fact that the other recent emotions I can kinda sorta figure out without too much effort, but the self loathing has come from fucking deep space it seems. Ah well, onwards and upwards.
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