Back On The Chain Gang

As I play the Pretender's song in the background.  Referring to the fact that I am going to throw myself back into JobWebsiteLand, oh joy.  Circumstance beyond our control, indeed.  Ah well, I am feeling better, more centred about it all.  The recruitment agent who kinda sorta screwed up has been on the phone almost non stop to me since the job she lined up fell through.  I am still eminently employable, and I will still get a job, but it just may take a couple, a few more weeks.

The underlying thing about all this is that money is such a trigger issue for me.  I was in quite a large amount of debt about a decade ago, and it took me seemingly forever to get out from under it.  I barely, barely, barely avoided being a bankrupt.  And again, the trouble then was that I didn't have a job for about a year, giving the job I did have up for a relationship, and then forgetting to get a work permit for that particular overseas country - love would conquer all lol.  No, no it didn't.

But as Mistress was saying to me yesterday, even if I do run out of money, I will still be in a house, I will still be fed.  I was thinking of signing up for unemployment, but it is a relative pittance, and again, as Mistress said, do I feel more comfortable relying on friends and family or going to beg the government for money.  Well, actually I feel awful doing either of those options, but I saw her point.

And as for the inadvertant comparisons between Here and that overseas relationship which failed horribly, no - there can be no comparison.  With that Overseas Adventure, I was doubting the strength of my feeling for the ex even before I got there, and was trying to find a Plan B and C to stay where I was, rather than concentrate on the Plan A of getting to that particular part of the world.  With Mistress, with Here, there was never any doubt about my feelings for her.  How it would work in reality, yeah plenty of doubts there, but as for the emotions I have for her, nada.

I said to The Boss yesterday, that part of my disappointment of having the job fall through was that I wouldn't be able to contribute financially around here.  Especially the unsaid (until yesterday) idea of mine that me working would be able to take on board the mortgage.  Which is a major, major stressor for Mistress.  I think she knew that thought was at the back of my head without it even being said before yesterday, which is interesting because I never said anything along those lines, but maybe when the topic came up, I did the Uber Helpful Elf look on my face.

We made a trip to HardwareStoreLand yesterday morning.  Picked up all sorts of interesting stuff, including a heat gun, and sealant putty for the window sill she is going to regrout and repaint.  As well as went out and had a look at the flowers and plants.  Two new rose bushes, a camellia, petunias and I got to choose the pansies.  Don't I always LOL - but, but, but, they looked so pwetty.  And later on, Mistress allowed me to put the pansies and petunias in the garden.  I mean, the rose bushes are still off limits, but baby steps to start with.

Then, I was in the mood to be beaten, and Mistress was in the mood to beat me.  Winning!  She smiled as she said follow me (into the bedroom) and then turned me around so I couldn't see what she was choosing to bring out of the toy box - she had asked if I had any preferences.  The belt from a couple of weeks ago, and the flogger toy that I was given as a Leaving There present were the two I wanted to try, but it was just delicious listening to the sounds as she rummaged around.  At one point I even think I heard something hard and metallic come out of the wardrobe, but then Mistress put it back, saying maybe not just yet.  Stripped and assumed the position against her drawers, but then she thought better of it and placed me against the wardrobe.

And she wanted me to not talk too much during it.  Moaning and breathing heavily okay, but minimal talking.  Whack, whack, whack.  Pain is absolutely delicious for me, and there were so many flavours during the session.  Sharp and stingy, dull and thwacky, and all the way through, my back and backside hurting more and more.  Mistress said later that she had wanted to take me beyond my usual level, past my safe zones, and give me a good going over.  Multiple times I curled forward, away from the pain, and on one occasion I curled up into a ball on the floor.  Before being brave and assuming the position again.  Mistress said I could use safewords if I wanted to, which made me a bit curious as to what safewords to use - it has never been fully discussed between me and her before.  Before I realised that any sort of safeword - colours, perhaps - would be a sign to slow down or to stop.

I was proud of myself though, even when it got especially hurty, I didn't use safewords.  By the way my body was reacting, Mistress could gauge when to slow down and the rest.  A couple of times she said do you want to stop.  I just assumed the position again, and she said I think you want one or two more.  It wasn't until the absolute end of the session that I nodded when she said just one more.  She told me I still talked too much during it though.  I will endeavour to do better next time, Mistress.

I grinned with great pleasure when she said she was trying to take me beyond where I had been before.  All about training, and practise and all the rest.

What else happened with the day?  Oh, after I blissed out for a while and snoozed, naked in the Big Bed (that is a win for me, usually I am fully clothed or, more rarely, have the underwear on), I helped out in the garden, those petunias and pansies and all.  Wrote a cover letter for a job that the recruitment girl suggested I go for, and she rang later in the afternoon with a second role she thinks I would be good for.  Starts in November, but they would likely find me temp work until then - they owe me at least that.

Another fun night at the window sill, this time with heat gun in effect.  I mean, it's not particularly fun or anything, but it needs to be done, this house does need to be 'refreshed', even if it's not going on the market.  And I don't know whether it was the endorphins from play time, or just the continued adjustment to 24/7, but I was exhausted well before the other two went to bed.

Well, I have procrastinated with the blog for long enough, in the middle of writing this up, I had a nice half hour curled up on the bed with Sir and Mistress - back to the job search.  Gah.