Sunday, November 20, 2011

The Weekend Just Gone

Friday night - cooking bolognaise.

Saturday - coffee, newspaper, bacon and eggs for brunch.  Gardening.  Websurfing.  Crumbed fish, wedges and salad for dinner.

Sunday - bacon sandwiches for lunch, taking the kids out and giving Mistress a break from them for a couple of hours.  Gardening.  Cooking pot roast pork.
Winning on all counts for the meals, Mistress and Sir not cooking at all.  Them being able to do their own thing, however they wanted to.  Me being much less stressed out by much of anything than I was previously.

It was a winning weekend.  I hope the other two thought of it that way.

Monday, November 14, 2011

*Insert Name Here* 101

1.  Mistress loves me.

2.  Though I'm not 100% sure of how Sir thinks of me, I believe he considers me indispensible as well.

3.  They both care for me.

4.  They both want me here.

5.  Unless they no longer want me here, I am staying put.

6.  Real life is damned difficult.

7.  After my last posting, a major recalibration took place.  Yet, at the same time, things quickly reverted to how they were before.

8.  Submission is a personality trait of mine, obviously, rather than anything that I was *playing* at.

9.  Even though I am not *supposed* to call them Mistress and Sir, I still do at least half the time in my head.  And for the blog it is simpler to leave those terms in place for now for convenience, rather than to confuse the readership all over again.

10.  When on a holiday with the family a few weeks ago, I missed both Mistress AND Sir.  And another mutual friend of the three of us.  Missing the latter two surprised and dare I say shocked the hell out of me.

11.  I love taking in the coffee and newspapers into their bedroom on the weekends.  When allowed.

12.  I love making coffee for the both of them, but especially Mistress.  The way Sir prefers instant coffee, well, a monkey could make a good cuppa with instant.  Real coffee takes more skill.

13.  I love the first hug of the day.

14.  I love sharing the actual cup of coffee with Mistress.

15.  I can do my own tie and cufflinks easily enough, but that frisson of squee when I deign to pretend I have no skills and Mistress does it for me.  Squee!

16.  Mistress the other day saying that I can *practise* my techniques on her.  Sure, she only meant hugging and groping at the time, but what else can I practise, hmm?

17.  Her picture on my desk at work.

18.  *Situational awareness* - having a fair idea at any point at any time whereabouts Mistress is.  And the fact that it isn't going to be the other side of the continent.  And knowing that she has the same situational awareness regarding me.

19.  Getting picked up from the train station after work.  Looking forward to seeing her, and getting those precious three to five minutes in the car, completing the commute home.

20.  Her breaking into a smile or giggles or flat out laughter when I do my comic relief/class clown thing.  I don't feel as if the day is complete unless I have made her smile.  And getting Sir to curve his lips upwards is always a win as well.

21.  The look in their eyes when I track down some obscure fact in my head and, dare I say, show off my knowledge.  Works especially well when the kids are around - kind of a two for one deal.

22.  How well I get on with the kids.  Though god knows how they think the situation works.

23.  Child Two chatterboxing away on any topic as if I was just a normal part of his life.

24.  The fact that I have spent decades trying to find a place to fit in, to belong, and it seems as though I have here.

25.  Laying on the front lawn while Mistress does the gardening, looking up at the sky, and just thinking there is nowhere else I would rather be.

26.  Curling up on the Big Bed.

27.  The look Sir gets in his eyes when he lets the guard down around me, and goes into caring mode.  Rare, but precious.

28.  The support the two of them give me.

29.  Helping the two of them out is my greatest reward.

30.  I should really strangle my personality type for having such low reward requirements lol.

31.  Helping Mistress achieve what she needs in life.  Which she went through in a bit of detail with me last week.

32.  Realising my only real need is to be Here, to be close at hand for the both of them as and when required.

33.  Realising that, doing my utmost to let all my other worries and concerns go.

34.  It will either work, or it won't.  I should be as black and white as that about how the future will roll.

35.  And it will work.  It will.  It may not be exactly what everyone anticipated it would be, but it will work to the benefit of everyone in the situation.

36.  We, all three of us, work well as a team.

37.  If I let my rational side take a look at what is going on, he runs away in confused terror lol.

38.  I am free to seek side adventures elsewhere.

39.  Though I will still get SOME of my physical needs met by Mistress and Sir, when they are in the mood to do so.

40.  For birthdays, Christmas and special parties.

41.  The inner strength I found in myself at the start of this relationship, situation, whatever the heck it is, has continued to flourish the further into things I get.

42.  If I didn't have that internal fortitude, I wouldn't have lasted the last month.

43.  I had to find the strength inside myself, to come out a better, stronger person, capable of taking on board more than I expected I needed to.

44.  I am not the person I was when I first got Here.  I am harder than I was, less brittle.  More in tune with Mistress and Sir's needs and requirements.  Even though I can't make head nor tail of their personality types, even on a good day lol.

45.  On a good day, it is entertaining to try and figure them out.  On a bad day, it is diabolical lol.

46.  I like getting tea, coffee, coke or gin and tonics for all and sundry.  It gives me a sense of satisfaction.  Don't ask me where that trait of me came from though.

47.  I am a damned fine cook.  If only I got over the self doubt sometimes.

48.  I find I am in the zone when I am cooking.  That I hum to myself, and find some sort of inner peace.  Mistress and Sir have noticed that as well, and therefore when I am stressed, cooking tends to find me in a happy place.

49.  I like the way a table looks as it is set.  I like having the family around the table when we eat dinner.  Though pizza and DVD nights in the lounge are also fun.  When the DVD player is working I mean.

50.  Mistress said, when I was looking for labels a couple of weeks ago, that I am not just a member of the household, as I was labelling myself, but a member of the family.  I melted at that.

51.  Workwise, I have completely fallen on my feet.

52.  I could take over the workplace if I really really wanted to.

53.  But that is Brain's job, and I am merely Pinky.

54.  The best part of the workday - listening to my workmates.  Irish and Welsh accented girls...  gah, in a totally good way.

55.  One of my refrains is that I am never doing enough around here.

56.  Mistress tried to peg me down on what 'enough' would be.

57.  I thought about it, and it is that nebulous concept between what they actually need and want, and everything I could possibly give them.

58.  The difference between the two is wafer thin (I am kidding).

59.  Mistress doesn't think I have a cynical side.

60.  But then again, she also has trouble considering me a commitment phobe.

61.  In the lounge room is a constant reminder of my personality, of me.  A print of Munch's Vampyr.

62.  That is what I feel the current situation, mucked up even though as it is, protects me from.  The print to me is a visual metaphor to being a doormat to anyone and everyone.

63.  Mistress is doing her best to teach me not to be a doormat.  To harden me up in the positive way.  And hence protect me from the Vampyr fate.

64.  I have an art blog.  But if I try to review/analyse/write about the Munch piece, I will throw too much of my personal life into what is supposedly a relatively objective critique.  Well, no, subjective, of course, but there are degrees of subjectiveness, and throwing a multicoloured rainbow of an explanation of my submissive side, not a good idea.

65.  Mistress wants me to do more art.  Both as a critic and a practitioner.

66.  If it weren't for art, and my blog about it, Mistress and I might have passed each other on the internet, without so much as a second glance.  Which would have been an Epic Fail.

67.  At the start, I was too touchy feely for her.  But she has gotten used to me being as tactile as I am.  I can hardly pass her in the room without trailing my fingers along her back, or touching her shoulder in reassurance, or diving in for a hug or whatever.

68.  I am content.  There is the pecking order in the household, that I have gotten used to by now.  I am not squirming under it as I was.  And I don't know what really has changed, to be perfectly honest.

69.  Hehe.  Sixty nine.  Hehehe.

70.  When I first got here, I only considered I had one *spot*.  After being here several months now, I have discovered several spots, at least one per room.

71.  I have come to the realisation - confirmed by Mistress - that this is My house, as much as it is anyone else's.

72.  This is Home.  In a way nowhere else in my adult life has been.

73.  I think when they realise this, it makes Mistress and Sir go eek.  But then we get lost in the everyday stuff again for weeks on end, before we surface again for Big Picture viewing.

74.  Mistress, Sir and my friends over here encourage me for what I can do, and who I am.

75.  I was coming out of my shell over there in the last couple of months, but not a speck on the extent I have done over here.  Although I was meeting some lovely people over there as well who were accepting me for the real me.

76.  Although I do need to work on my self image more.  I still sometimes want to curl up into a ball of self loathing.

77.  How did that one get in there, this was supposed to be a list of the positives in my life.  Ah well, one out of so many is a kinda sorta win.

78.  I love talking international affairs and politics with Mistress.  Local affairs is also okay, but the other two topics have been loves of mine for decades, and to be with someone as interested in them as I am.

79.  And, thinking of one of my friends, to have someone interested yet also not the exact polar opposite of my political leanings, that's a win.

80.  I have always had a sore spot regards money, probably due to an out of control debt crisis about ten years ago.

81.  However, now all my money goes towards the household - apart from *pocket money* - and, as Mistress has said to me many times in the past few months, money may be tight but they are never going to let me starve.

82.  Well, as she just clarified for me tonight, if I starve, we all starve LOL.

83.  But, I don't worry about money anymore.

84.  I am also a damned fine photographer.

85.  Mistress says I should sell some of my photos, they are that good.

86.  I would rather get some practise with some friends of lingerie, corsetry or *ahem* nude shots.

87.  Mistress has teased me for MONTHS saying she would be obliging with that type of photography.  All dependent on Sir's permission of course.  And although I have skirted around the edges of the topic, I haven't managed to be brave enough to actually broach it outright.

88.  Tomatoes, from the actual garden in the back yard.

89.  Moving around everyone - Mistress, Sir, the kids - in the kitchen when it is rush hour.  There is something about the fluidity of movement of people who are used to, who are comfortable around each other.

90.  Writing messages of the day on the whiteboard.

91.  Doing the laundry.

92.  Folding the washing.

93.  Washing the dishes.

94.  Wondering where in hell I learned all these domestic chores.  Seriously, it must have been in a past life.

95.  Websurfing with Mistress.

96.  Especially when it is porn, or porn*ish*.

97.  The reaction the flowers I send from time to time get.

98.  The collar.

99.  How on earth could I forget about The Collar?  Probably my most prized possession, to be honest.

100.  Being happier here in this kinda sorta odd situation than in any of my *vanilla* relationships in the past.

101.  Being loved.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Blind Terror

What's the phrase?  Count to ten if you are going to post angry?  Meh, I am past angry about what happened, but am just wondering whether I should post, even after counting to about two thousand by now.

So yes, not angry.  Maybe still in a bit of shock, but not angry.

So yes, the evening was going along okayish, along the lines of the last post.  I was distracted feeling what I was feeling at the moment, but managed to make a sweet pie (for dessert) and dinner.  Dinner okay, but lost in my own thoughts, Mistress and Sir and I were going to talk about my issues with self esteem and self worth after the kids went to bed.

Then Sir had an issue with the bin.  The bag inside wasn't tied on correctly.  Of course, I was the one who did it, and to be honest I get frustrated at how finicky he is about the bin bags.  Nothing can show on the outside, and there can't be big gaps on the inside.  It is hard enough to get the setting correctly on the outside of the bin, and I mistakenly left too much of the inside bin showing.  I did the sigh of frustration thing, and I think things just escalated from there.

Sir said to come over to him.  I took off my glasses.  He said to stand outside for twenty minutes, he didn't want to see me for that time.  As I was leaving the kitchen, he added not to stomp, otherwise we would have another conversation about that.  As I was opening the door I shouted over my shoulder that I thought we were already going to have a conversation tonight.  Sir was not pleased, and stormed down the hallway towards me.  My fight or flight instinct kicked in, and I didn't run away, but neither was I going to fight.  I just stood waiting for the storm to hit.

He grabbed me by the throat, pushing me down the back steps, and then put his other hand around the back of my throat for a split second.  I truly truly thought I was going to get thrown across the back yard, fully paved as it is, and suffer whatever injuries that would entail.  I admit, I was shrieking like a little girl at this stage.  He was looming over me, saying have I touched you yet, have I hit you.  Mistress had come out and took my glasses and phone away from me - still worried about those glasses.  I managed to eventually say yes you have touched me, you have hit me, by strangling me around the throat.

He eventually let go of me and said go out to the back room in the garage.  Where there is absolutely nothing to do.  Lay down on the floor and counted to the aforementioned two thousand, listening to the sounds of the household across the backyard.  When I thought I hadn't heard the kids for a while - yes, the kids were up - I went back in.

Mistress gave me my phone and my glasses, and said Sir doesn't want to see you or hear you for the rest of the night.  I said but I am depressed and was hoping to talk whatever is going on with me out.  I heard Sir around the corner say didn't I make my instructions very specific.  Mistress said we won't talk about stuff when you are in this state, and I collapsed in on myself, fell down the side of the wall.  Mistress whispered harshly, not in front of my children!  I had reasonable situational awareness and knew that the kids weren't in viewing range of me, and I hadn't even made a squeak at that point.

So I went back out to the garage.  After Mistress started doing the countdown that she does with the kids when she is uber angry at them.  And discovered that my phone was flat.  I swallowed what courage I had left and went back in.  To get my phone charger.  Which was in sight of Sir.  Both he and Mistress were amazed to see me, and not in the good way.  I explained myself, in about three words.

Sir said collect your things, collect your phone charger, and your computer and go back into the back room.  Don't say a word.  We will decide when we next want to see you.  I opened my mouth and got the 'don't even' glare.  I was only going to ask would it be tonight or what.  When I heard the phrase 'collect your things' I was certain the next phrase was going to be 'you are out of here'.  And my stomach went to jelly at the mere possibility.

Will it be two minutes, will it be two days.  Awaiting execution.  When I wasn't in the best frame of mind to begin with before all of tonight's stuff.  I am doing my best, but it obviously isn't best enough.

Stream of Consciousness

Yeah yeah, I couldn't come up with a witty song lyric to cover this post.

It has been a tough week.  Sunday was what Sunday was, Monday I was still annoyed at that, Tuesday Mistress had that discussion with me, Thursday I was wiped and went to bed early, Friday was out without The Bosses, and yesterday was recovering the energy from Friday night.  So Wednesday was the only evening I felt somewhat not wiped or overwhelmed or away from the house, and all I can remember of that night was doing the dishes with a grin on my face.

And I feel that everything I have said to Mistress this week has come out wrong.  I said this morning, as she worried about money again, that I could transfer my entire pay cheque to her, and she replied don't be stupid.  I said yesterday that it had felt like we hadn't had much quality 'us' time the past week (see the schedule above), and she came back with yeah, get used to it.  Meaning the whole secondary to Sir thing, but that isn't what I was driving at.  With the usual scraps of time that she and I have, there was even less quality than usual to it.  And on Friday I think it was, I had forgotten Dishwashing Rules 101, and came back with 'I am absorbing work stuff as well'.  Mistress replied, yeah, and?  I should have said I had forgotten things, rather than be defensive and bring work into it, but it is the first time in my life that I have worked, I have had a full house at home, and all.  It is a HUGE learning curve.

Maybe it is her INTJness, but just, I dunno, I can't say or do anything right this week.

I am feeling more like a flatmate or 'just a friend' than anything else at the moment.  I feel unwanted, in the relationship sense, which I could maybe perhaps deal with (swallow my needs to be a good sub and secondary), but to feel unneeded as well.  At the same time, I'm not going to leave here ever, until she specifically Orders me away, so even when I am feeling low, I'm not going anywhere.  That's not quite Catch 22, is it?

To extrapolate the feeling unnecessary, I am throwing myself into this with no concern for myself, and helping out more with a job, than without, but it seems Mistress' stress levels aren't diminishing any.  If anything, she is getting more stressed.  And purely from a selfish point of view, it has been AGES since she beat me.  September 8 to be precise.  Having her hold my hand while getting needles in the back or dropping me off at a kink party, all well and good, but it's not the same as actually having her cause the welts herself, or placing the collar around my neck.  Much as I love the other friends I am making over here, they all have their own lives and guys and girls that are their primaries - or at least, primaries for the night - and without Mistress or Sir around on Friday night, I had a slightly empty feeling in my stomach about things, for probably at least half of the evening.

And from the week that has been, the reaction to me unhappy from Sir will be yeah, and?  Get over it champ, or suchlike.  And from Mistress, it could very well be more of the same, either along the lines of Sir, or along the lines of what she has said to me the last few days.

I don't think I ask for an awful lot around here.  And I think I hold it together fairly well.  I haven't dissolved into tears for no apparent reason for ages.  I don't overstep the bounds of this very vaguely defined primary/secondary scenario, at least to my knowledge.  I do my best to evidence base my issues, rather than go ranty whingey automatically.  Even though I still think the other two still have a bit of a way to go to recognise my efforts in that sphere, I think they think I am still auto whinge when those type of things arise.

I am doing my best.  Five hundred fucking percent worth.  And I don't feel wanted, nor especially needed.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

...from Transexual, Transylvania

For some reason I suddenly had an aversion to the word 'transvestite' in the blog title.  As in, the full thought bubble was 'Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania' from Rocky Horror Picture Show.  And that would have been too long a blog title anyways.  And the other option 'Fishnets', isn't a song title or lyric.  I like trying to link a song lyric to each day, gives it a bit of a challenge.  Or something.  I am sometimes strange like that.

Anyways, it occurred to me last night that the word 'transvestite' may apply to me.  And, although it didn't hit me like a brick wall, it did make me uncomfortably gulp.  Going by wiki, transvestitism is just a fancy phrase for cross-dressing.  I was going to wear pants and shoes - if I couldn't fit into Mistress' boots.  The second option was that if I could fit into Mistress' boots, I would wear my jeans.  Third option was, since I could fit into Mistress' boots, that the jeans wouldn't look good with them, so I tried on one of her skirts, which did fit.  And then, rather than shave my legs or anything that drastic - shaving my armpits seems drastic enough most days -  that we would put on fishnets to camouflage the leg hair.

And as easy as that, I was gone from just corset, to full on feminity.  I even asked Mistress to put lippy on me.  And I was squee about it, and had got my enthusiasm for the night going on and all.  Enthusiasm levels were very much up and down for the week up to that point.  I was squee basically as soon as I realised I could fit into the boots, and just the degrees of squee went up from there.  It brings on a strange, but nice, type of light headedness.  Not anywhere near subspace - I didn't get anywhere near that all night, for soon to be obvious reasons - but nice all the same.

Good new mate of mine had suggested going out, and Mistress had backed that up by 'saying' I should go out.  However, the children were home, so she couldn't come out herself, and, just in case one of the kids sleptwalked into me getting changed, the whole dress up thing happened out in the garage.  So changed, lippy put on, was glowing, and asked Mistress if she could put the collar on.  She said no, the collar will not be put on, because she wouldn't be there.  I could see her logic, but at the same time, there was a minor sense of disappointment.  Even if she wasn't there, the collar would indicate, in my mind at least, that I was spoken for.  But her decision, and I will always abide by those.

She drove me to the club and dropped me off.  On the way, I had said to her that it is just amazing how supportive she is of me and these little side adventures, as I will call them.  She said honey, it's too fun doing all this not to be supportive of you.  I'm much more a social animal than she is, kinda unfortunately.  I mean, I love being around her, and I love having quiet, quality time with her, but when she basically orders me to go out, then I can't very well say no.  And I do need to build the friendships up in this new city, beyond just Sir and Mistress.

That sounded sensible, didn't it?

So yes, dressed up to the nines, as a chick, and instead of the back entrance to this club being open, as it usually is, it was all through the front last night.  The two kink communities of this club had joined together for one night, so instead of half the place being vanilla and half being kink, the whole place was taken over by 'freaks like us' as I said to Mistress as she said goodbye.  It wouldn't have been so bad, except just as I was getting out of the car, a fire crew got out of their truck, to do some safety check.  Mistress had asked whether I would feel comfortable in women's clothing out on the streets, and, with my woolen coat on, it was okay most of the time, but, just walking past the firies, I got a flash of self consciousness.  Just a slight one, but still.

Got into club.  Took ten minutes to track down 'New Best Friend', and proceeded to just drink soft drinks, as I needed to stay sober, cos being drunk and forgetting myself and still being in the corset when children woke up at home this morning would have just been the ultimate fail.  Mistress would likely have hung, drawn and quartered me.  And not in a painslut way that I would like.  And then likely followed by exile or something.  So soft drinks and soberness it would be.  I had an idea that I would end up blissy enough not to really need additional drugs in my system, legal or otherwise.

I then dropped my coat off at the cloakroom, and bumped into another good friend.  Who basically was only wearing a tutu, panties and shoes, and Disney character stickers over her nipples.  Seriously, I didn't know where to look hahaha.  And for 99% of the time that I bumped into her during the night, I was very careful of where I touched or kissed or whatever.  Whereas most other people just went for gold.  As Mistress has said in the past, I have no instinct to seal the deal.  I make friends with hot females far too easily.  And this mate is hella young anyways.

New Best Friend tightened up my corset, to the point where it was difficult to breathe deeply (bliss!), and said that I needed to get a wig to complete the outfit.  She loves playing with makeup, so hopefully maybe possibly I can get tips from her - for some reason, I am nervous of talking to Mistress about make up.  Maybe because cross dressing isn't really one of Mistress' things.  And New Best Friend wants to go out with me and help me get my first piercing next weekend.  When I mentioned it to Mistress this morning, she nixed the ears getting pierced, but anywhere else is apparently fine.  Hmm, as I grin as to thinking about other options.

Bumped into a couple of newbies - as in newbie to me, not newbie to Teh Scene - and there were enough of the Old Familiars to shuttle between so I didn't take up too much time of any one person.  However, without Mistress, or even Sir there, there were portions of the time that I felt very adrift, wondering which group to wander to next.  As much as I anchor them at home, The Bosses anchor me when we are out and about.  And as I mentioned out loud once or twice, while scratching my neck, something is not quite right here - a la, the missing collar lol.

Wandered in and saw a couple of people getting flogged on crosses and such, New Best Friend said that one of the girls on the cross, who was three quarters naked at that stage and getting her breasts beaten, worked at the same shopping centre she does.  Which would be a funny conversation on her lunch break next working day lol.  And the bass on the dancefloor was really getting to me, in the awesome way.  Need to find out which of my mates Here and who go to those things like to dance.  Question though, why does every kink club seem to play an excruciating amount of Rob Zombie and Marilyn Manson LOL.

Plenty of cute girls not wearing all that much, plenty of mates around to talk to, but something was missing.  Someone was missing.  New Best Friend said it best when I said I have two bosses, she came back with that may be the case, but you are Mistress' bitch.  Works for me hahaha.  I said to Girl With Disney Characters On Her Breasts that I was feeling like going, and she said no, don't go, as she hugged quite intensely into me.  That convinced me to stay for another wee while.

Oh, also Girl Who Had Her Tongue Down My Throat A Dozen Times Two Weeks Ago was there, but she had other fish to fry - or rather, guys to tease.  I got a couple of hugs, and a couple of nuzzles along my shoulder and neck as she was passing, but no throat action last night.  She is fun, and cute, but I don't think it will actually get anywhere.  Beyond teasing me.

At the same time as Mistress being missing from the evening, at the same time, and in direct dichotomy, it is a useful mental backstop that I have someone to go home to - in the secondary sense - and don't have to get all tongue tied trying to pick up or anything, and failing miserably.  One of the girls, I said a particularly bad line to, and her mate, who knows me as well, said do you get very far with lines like that.  Both girls know my home situation, so it quickly became a joke, rather than anything serious.  And 'lines' have never been my strong point in the first place.

I decided to leave for good this time, Disney Character Girl was in the middle of something and was subspacing out massively, so she couldn't distract me with her boobs again to make me stay.  Said goodbye to the crowd, New Best Friend hugged me and then brought her claws, I mean, fingernails out .  Basically cut my back to shreds, and I dissolved into a bliss out.  Went back for two more hugs, and more fingernail action, before I finally was able to get some semblance of willpower and break away.  I could have stayed there for a lot longer, but, I needed to get home.

She said she knows what I like - not sure whether that is a good thing or not - and also the way I reacted, she also said she realised part of the reason Mistress loves me so much.  I obviously look cute when I dissolve, or something.

Then went into a hug with Guy Who Doesn't Mind Hug Action, and basically got gored on the spikes on his collar.  His neck is basically like a prison camp with all the spikey protection he has going on.  Reminded me of my lack of a collar, and the fact that Mistress wasn't there, and made me kinda homesick in a way.  Even though home was only a twenty minute drive away.  If that doesn't sound too sappy. 

Got my coat, and there was a taxi waiting at the door when I left the club.  Got home, stone cold sober, went into the garage and changed into 'normal, we aren't going to scare the kids' clothes, and then came into the house and padded to my room.  Took me about forty five minutes to come down enough from the blissy buzz to start to doze.  I think the blissyness ramped up with the whole tight, tight corset thing.  It feels lovely against my ribs hehehe, and the whole difficulty breathing thing, well, breathing deeply thing, mmmm.

A couple of weird dreams this morning.  Had this vision that I had broken one of the metal 'buttons' on the corset, for which I was devastated.  Wandering through kink or sex websites with a female mate, no one that I could identify in real life though.  And the last snippet was having a job interview, and just as I was about to sign for this fantastic job, the manager bringing out what they had found out about my online life.  Including the kink side, and how they couldn't offer me the role with those revelations.  I was spluttering about invasion of privacy and all that, and then the dream faded.

Am pretty well exhausted today, but will try to make an effort to find a second wind.  Mistress loved hearing my tales of last night when I went in and gave her the morning coffee.  Which is always a win.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Psycho Killer

I killed a coffee pot this morning.  Rest in peace.  And then I was late for the bus.  When I do things, I do them epicly lol.  I saw the pot burning, but I thought it was just taking longer than usual to do its thing.  It wasn't until the plastic bits started melting off that I realised what a fail it was turning out to be.  Mistress had a good laugh, and Sir did fake angry (I think) as I had woken him up an hour earlier than he wanted.

No loss of brownie points though, but six of the best at the earliest opportunity.  Which likely won't be that early, damned school holidays starting next week.  Meh, I have stored up a whole heap of brownie points lately.

You may have noticed I didn't blog yesterday.  This was deliberate, as well as the fact I was wiped at 9.30 and in bed not much later than that.  Everything seems to be settling in okay, and not all that much to write.  I could have written about the fact that I was discussing make up and shoes with a good new mate of mine, via text.

Or I could have mentioned that Mistress and I are settling in very Pleasantville, almost a 50s TV show setting.  It's amazing how easy you can settle into routine.  The morning wake up coffee, the call on one of my breaks to see how her day is going, the call when I am commuting home - she noticed on Wednesday that I didn't immediately ring her when leaving work, she rang and said was I still in the office.

Also when getting home, sticking my head into the lounge and asking how the kids' days were, and the fact when it is a fine day that Mistress and I usually spend some time weeding or gardening.  Routine is lovely, especially when it is with the one you love.

Mistress said she always finds it funny when I am talking to her, how I describe her changes from day to day it seems.  It is always good, but it is always so so random.  She likes the uncertainty I think.

Yes, so I could have written about all that, but I felt I needed sleep more.  Killing the coffee pot meant I had something 'real' to write about this morning.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Redacted

Was a nice day today.  Got bounced from a job that I was crossing my fingers for, but am settling more into the job I already have, the phrase 'contract' got mentioned once or twice.  Quiet evening at home, everyone is in a better mood than earlier in the week.

Not much kink based has happened today, so is going to be a very short entry, but just remembered that I hadn't written FULLY about my pre Here experiences with that obliging couple over There.  Got reminded as I shuffled some note paper around the room, and the key word cue card from that episode came to hand.  As I can't stop grinning about it all.

Where are those pictures, hmm LOL LOL.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Accentuate The Positive

I was on the phone to a friend on the Other Side of the country tonight, and said everything is going fabulously.  In the middle of a later conversation with Mistress, she asked is that really the case, what with the weekend travails and all.  I said sure it is, I wouldn't be anywhere else.  And that is the absolute truth.

Apparently Sir and Mistress expected me to accept the apology that was immediately given, and move immediately on.  Like they did.  I don't work that way, and the apology was offered when I was totally in shock and not really processing much of anything all too effectively, so yeah, it wasn't as if I needed a second apology or anything, but just a question or two that I was okay or whatever yesterday would have been nice.  Not that I was okay of course, but you know what I mean.  And personally speaking, a day and a half turn around time from something so intensely unpleasant, I think that is a world record for me.  Back in the bad old days,  BM - Before Mistress - if something half as bad would have happened, I would have mulled over it, and honed my negativity and/or depression like a precious stone about the issue, for at least a full month.

Sir subcontracts the touchy feely stuff to Mistress, so it was she who had The Discussion with me this evening.  Summary dismissal, I should just get used to it, apparently.  And I will, I knew I was signing up as a secondary well before I got over here, it's just that I don't think summary dismissal has come up as a topic before, so I didn't have Orders as to how to react.  Now I do though.  In the sense that if I sulk about that type of thing again, Mistress will ignore me completely.  I sulk way less than I used to though, it is just the choice of sulking topics that I need to work on.  Child one was apparently more mature than me on Sunday (ouch).

It's a hard life being a secondary.  And other drinking game cliches hahaha.  Sir was annoyed at portions of my blog the other day, apparently the insinuation (which I didn't even contemplate) that Mistress may take my side of things.  When I wrote about what side of the fence she was falling on, I was meaning the fence between common sense and just accepting me getting whacked.  If that hasn't made the whole thing more convoluted than it already was.

Mistress said there wasn't a fence.  That she feels she has the skills to negotiate, mediate or whatever between the two of us, and if she can't.  Well, there was a shrugging of the shoulders at that point.  Yes, I know, I am the secondary, I am less important.  I don't want to contemplate beyond the shrugging of the shoulders, and indeed, 99% of the time, I quite like the vagueness of the assorted fences or fields or whatever.  I dislike clarity, if the situation works well enough without needing atomic clock or Large Hadron Collider preciseness, then why go for it.  And screw the neutrinos that go at faster than the speed of light LOL.

Not much else happened with the day.  The new housekeeping amount transferred across to Mistress' account, a bit of work, Mistress getting new meds, and hitting her head against drafting a new letter to the bank.  Which has been delegated to me.  Woot, Mistress said that over the last two years, no one else has done more for her than me.  My lip trembled as I wavered between smiling and bursting into tears when she said that, before I hid my face against her neck in a huge hug.  Sir would like to assist more, but he has other issues going on, which means he can't do it the way he would want to.

I iz important.  Woot.

Which is somewhat great, considering how much of myself I have thrown into the mix Here.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Red Right Hand

I'm still processing what happened yesterday.  I still am very very angry about it all.  It wasn't anywhere near being my fault at all, yet I am the one seemingly upset and withdrawn, and Sir is his usual chirpy self.  I keep going back to him daring me to say something else, to get hit again.  The day at work wasn't too horrid, but too many other things going on in my head about home.  And then when Mistress said Sir was picking me up after work, I groaned internally.

And have been very very quiet and withdrawn since I got home.  Work almost seemed a better option to stay at.  As I realise the enormity of what I just wrote.  Sir and the boys were boisterous, Mistress' mother came over, and Mistress was busy cooking.  I retreated to the bedroom to doze.

And am feeling like retreating to doze again.  This isn't good.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Slap

I don't usually bring the whole Sir or Mistress dynamic into my own blog, individually or collectively, as what goes on with or between them doesn't usually have much of an impact on me.  Today was different, and I feel I have to delve a bit into what is going on there to start making sense of it all.

Sir is coming off some heavy medication at the moment.  He is having some major withdrawal symptoms at the moment, and yesterday he said he felt like ants were crawling over his actual brain, and his moods are all over the place.

Mistress and Sir were off talking in the backyard early in the afternoon.  I was taking a break from the housework I was doing, wandered out, and got told quite curtly (by Mistress) that they were in the middle of a conversation.  One of those chopped liver moments, and I wandered back into the house, finished off the housework of that moment, and curled up on the couch biting my lip.  I haven't really bitten my lip for at least a month, so that is how annoyed I was.

And then when Sir did wander in, he asked whether I could do the vacuuming.  This after I had spent the entire morning doing various tasks for the two of them.  Again, annoyed me, but I would have calmed down and eventually done it.  Mistress noted that I was a bit off colour, and asked what was up.  I told her I felt like I was summarily dismissed, and it wasn't so much what was said as how it was said.  She kinda sorta agreed, and apologised for it, and called Sir over to the conversation.  She told him I had felt summarily dismissed, and he said yeah, and so what.  He went and got a drink, this conversation was in the kitchen, and I said well it felt like you had told me to fuck off.  I mouthed those words, as the kids were in the dining room and I didn't want to swear in front of them.

And then Sir belted me.  A HUGE slap to the face, with all the power he had to bear, no sense that he was pulling back any.  My glasses went flying, and I was just thankful I didn't hear them smash.  Mistress was aghast, and my mouth had just dropped into a huge O, and Sir was standing over me, saying something along the lines of do you want to go through that again, or something similar, I can't quite remember now.  It seemed like he was basically daring me to have another go.  When I didn't even know why he had hit me in the first place.

My stubborn streak ramped up when he was saying did I want more.  My mouth went into a thin line of defiance, and I almost, almost said something as stupid as bring it on then.  However, I made the split second realisation that the kids were in the dining room behind me, and a couple of more deep breaths, another couple of taunts from Sir, and I managed to swallow down my stubborness, my pain slut side, my wish to be beaten to a pulp, my overwhelming sense to be the victim - I managed to swallow all that down and said no.

This all happened in about thirty to forty five seconds.  Sir had a wild look in his eyes, as much as I could gauge from being virtually blind without my glasses, but he seemed to swallow something in himself as well, and told me to get out of his sight.  He didn't want to see me for the rest of the day, or some such, again, with all the emotion, I will have to check the Hansard.

Picked up my glasses, stormed out to the garage, slamming both the back door and the garage door on my way out.  The furthrest place away from him and the situation I could think of.  I haven't slammed a door like that in YEARS, it was quite affirming, in a very negative way.  Sitting on the spare bed, out the back, trying to think what the FUCK I had done wrong.  Wondering whether I had blown it, wondering whether to catch a bus into the city and disappear from view for a few hours, wondering whether they would ask me to move out.  Primarily wondering what side of the fence Mistress was falling on.

Negative thinking, in endless circles around and around, for about ten minutes or so.  Before I grew a spine again and decided to face the situation head on.  Whatever it would turn out to be.  I went into the kitchen, the kids stuck their heads up like meerkats, but then sunk down again, no sign of the adults.  I downed a glass of water in about ten seconds flat - those flight or fight endorphins really dehydrate you quickly - and went looking for them.

When they aren't anywhere else, they are usually in the bedroom.  I walked up to the bedroom door, paused, thinking whether I should knock or not, and then Sir said come in Elf.  Damned bare hardwood floors lol.  I went in, and he looked chastened at least.  That was a start.  He and Mistress were both sitting on the edge of the bed, and they asked me to take a seat.  I did, on the floor, against the wall.  Sir said to come closer.  I looked up at him with uncertainty, but did so.  He then proceeded to rub and pat my head, like a pet, while he apologised.  And I totally lost it, and burst into tears, and wouldn't stop.  I managed to get out that the slap wasn't what I was more annoyed about, it was the fact that my glasses, which aren't cheap, could have been totally wrecked.  Before Sir told me not to talk.

Mistress had explained things to him - apparently he thought I had told him to fuck off, when that wasn't the case at all.  Which is where my head was most confused, if I knew and was trying to get under his skin, the slap wouldn't have been as totally unexpected, out of the blue, and - in my mind at least - unprovoked as it was.  He was saying stuff about how he wasn't himself coming off the meds and all, and his moods were all over the place, blah blah blah.  He had apparently made the offer to Mistress to move back to his old place for a few days to sort himself out, but she had said no, to stay with us.  Sir was worried he wasn't safe around us.

Sir then left me and Mistress to talk for a bit, and the first thing she said was wondering whether keeping Sir around here was the best idea.  I have been depressed living by myself from time to time in the past, and that is the absolute pits.  And that was even without medication and/or withdrawals.  So he would be more in danger being by himself than being around us.  But Mistress and I discussed the fact that Sir was on his first and final warning for that type of thing.  He does that to either of us, or, god forbid, the kids, another time, and all previous agreements are out the window.  Mistress could see my stubborn streak bubbling up about two microseconds after I got hit, and she was just so thankful to me that I swallowed that, and didn't get beaten to a pulp in front of the kids.

That's the thing, the important thing about what he did.  He hit me, with the kids IN THE ROOM.  Brain explosion doesn't even start coming close to how STUPID that act was.

Mistress is struggling in herself with the whole Sir thing as well.  And that is all I will say on her thoughts.  Apart from that she is going through general depression as well.  She told me that I am basically the glue holding this situation together, both her and Sir's rock that they depend on.  As she said, someone has to be around here until both of them descend to planet Earth again.  With great responsibility comes great power, or is it the other way around lol.

I had a quick ten minute nap in the Big Bed, before having to slap on a happy face, as Mistress and I went shopping with the children, and Sir went off to work.  Slap happy face continued until children went to bed, shortly before I started blogging, and I could start figuring out the day again.

I was kinda sorta tempted not to mention the issue at all.  But then, there would have been a huge hole in my day, and I wouldn't have been able to convincingly sound like everything was happy clappy, and it would have been lying in a way, as it were.  Which isn't what anonymous, plausible deniability blogs should be about.

Mistress said it wasn't so much my pain slut side that would have delighted in being beaten to a pulp, it was more my continuing and sometimes overwhelming sense of victimhood.  The thought process that I don't deserve happiness, and it is all just an illusion and it is just one slap away from completely falling apart.

Anyways, tomorrow is a new day...

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Vampyr

Not too much to report with today.  Watched some sport, spent some quality time out the front lawn with Mistress as she was weeding the garden, sorted out financial matters.

However, Mistress went to Ikea yesterday, and got me a frame for my Munch print.  The Vampyr one.  And it fit perfectly, and apparently she didn't even measure the thing, she just has a good sense for measurements and such.  So, it is in the frame now, and rather than it be in the spare room, which, when fixed, will end up being my room, and hardly anyone being able to see it, both Mistress and I discussed putting it in one of the communal areas.  The lounge perhaps, because the art is a bit dark to be contemplating over coffee and cornflakes in the dining room.

It would be like a piece of me in a prominent area of the house.  Which would be awesome.  Not that I don't have other parts of my life scattered around the communal areas - ties, I am looking at you - but you know what I mean.  I said to Sir that Vampyr was up on the wall of my first girlfriend's bedroom, so he probably thinks it is a reminder of an ex.  But the print, really, really talks to me, beyond just the whole ex angle.

I look at that painting, and I think what I would be like without Mistress as a full and final backstop in my life.  Eternally either being or playing the victim around women.  But with Mistress around, she is protecting me from that fate, as it were, and my assertiveness, my self esteem and all the rest is blossoming.  Or I might just be talking a load of rubbish in this paragraph.

It is a very powerful painting for me, however it actually gets interpreted.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Perfection

Two vignettes from the day.  The first of which being lunch.  Mistress had come into town for her interview, which went okay it seems, and she dropped by work to have lunch with me.  And I took her to this awesome French patisserie just around the corner from my office.  We had French sticks with brie, avocado and sundried tomatoes, lattes, and chocolate croissants.  We sat outside, in the shade, with potted flower beds around us.  Very Parisian.  And I just totally blissed out.  One of those times where nothing needs to be said, and just to be absorbed for future reference.  Was the perfect day to sit outside as well.

Hoping that, while Mistress isn't working, a lunch once a week could maybe become a regular occurrence.  Though she might have gotten a job being an office girl, lined up by Sir - not at his work of course, but someplace he knows.

Second moment of the day, the children have a couple of their friends over for a sleepover.  Mistress and Sir seemed to be drained by it all, but the whole houseful of kids thing, it is still a novelty for me, so I was happy and smiling for no particular reason, and making sure the table settings were just so.  I don't want to delve too deeply into thinking about why a houseful of kids makes me happy, but - hmm, reminds me of earlier in the day.  The carnival - for want of a vagueish term - is coming to town next month, and the thought of following the kids around at the fairgrounds, with Sir and Mistress also in the vicinity.  Well, it almost made me squee.

I had been to the carnival over There last year, but being by yourself, being an adult, it just isn't the same.

Being Here is just completing me so much, to borrow that awful phrase from Jerry Maguire.  Sir apparently said to Mistress the last couple of weeks I have been as happy as a pig in mud.  I don't disagree with that assessment, to be honest.

Funniest line of the week - friend of one of the kids today said to me 'are you the neighbour?'  Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off.  Indeed.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Rhapsody in Blue

Mistress is playing the piano.  She hasn't played it for approximately two years, and she is a bit rusty, but one of the things she has said that will make her happy in the future - hopefully the near future - is having enough spare time to play the piano at least twice a week.

Is a bit of a win, because the rest of her day has been a bit flat.  Again.  I said to her that I wished I could be in two places at once - as in, one part of me out working and earning money, the other part of me at home looking after her.  Because to be frank, she does need looking after.  She said to me that it is a bit of a struggle getting any sort of motivation at home by herself.  And the bank basically shoved her proposal to reorganise the mortgage down her throat.  Which Mistress was kind of expecting, and next step is going to the government body that looks after banking regulations, but still, she took a bit of an emotional hit with it all.

She does have a job interview tomorrow.  Which I think is a positive, even if she is talking herself down.  And catching up for lunch will be awesome.  It is funny, we were talking during my morning break, and we miss each other in the daytime, even though we are now in the same city, only ten kays apart (during the day).  Sweet, in an almost sickly way.

Oh, and talking of work, god, if I stay at this current job for much longer, I will take over the place.  My manager today was saying you have had experience of how to do things a particular way, what would you advise we do with our team.  I was like gobsmacked, but I was even more gobsmacked at how I jumped in and gave actual, you know, advice.  Amazed at myself, looking from the inside, how I am at the moment.

With the rush in the mornings now that I am working, I still make time to make Mistress coffee.  There is something nice about sharing the morning coffee and/or slice of toast with her.  Drinking from the same cup, taking bites out of the same slice.  Just a sense of uber comfort with her.  I hope she somewhat feels the same way.

Oh, and that's another thing.  I saw Mistress post on a discussion about keeping focus while being property, as she is to Sir.  Not that I consider myself property - primarily because she won't let me think that way lol - but for mine, how I keep focus is the thought of how things would be Here without me in her life.  And, not being a big head about how much I am helping around here, but the thought of what would happen without me here, to be honest, scares me.

She has been barely coping as it is, with all the resources and concentration of both myself and Sir to hand.  So, I need to keep focus in serving them both, and that is that.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

The Sweetest Thing

As I type this, with the title from a U2 song, Mistress was humming and singing beside me to songs on her music player.  Well at least until she went to the Gloria Gaynor 'Dance Mix When You Don't Need A Dance Mix' version of I Will Survive.  Seriously, it was like as if Ricky Martin had got the French horn.  The instrument, as I laugh at myself for that inadvertent double entendre.

But getting away from Gloria Gaynor singing The Heat Is On now - and no, my ears aren't hallucinating - when Mistress sings and hums it is awesome.  She is happy when that happens.  And I like Mistress being happy.  Which is why my music on my phone has suddenly picked up a lot of her music taste, especially when doing our semi regular road trips.  And she sings so well.

Now she - Mistress - is deliberately torturing me with Gloria singing - I use the word advisedly - Careless Whisper.  God knows what the next CD she is going to put on is.  Amy Winehouse.  S'alright.

Anyways, onto the day.  Work was good, I actually put myself into the phone queues today.  And it wasn't all too difficult.  And everyone in the office seems very welcoming and friendly, and I think my boss already loves me - in a proper working relationship sense, not Michael Douglas and Demi Moore in that stupid movie.  Seriously, what did anyone ever see in Demi Moore?  She got photographed pregnant on the cover of Vanity Fair, made one good movie - A Few Good Men - where she had an awesome supporting cast, and then what?  Oh, Ashton Kutcher. 

Though I can hardly say anything about the Demi and Ashton thing with the situation I find myself in Here with Mistress and Sir lol.    But the above two paragraphs show how easily distracted I am tonight hmm.  Plus the previous three paragraphs.  I am in a good place, and I am happy.

I was on the phone to my mate in England earlier today, and she could hear how bubbly I was from all that way away.  How obliteratingly happy I am.  In previous relationships, I always had at least one corner of me doubting about how things were going, but with Mistress (and Sir) I have no doubts whatsoever.  Which isn't to say I am deliberately blind to any issues, just that I can't actually see any at this time.  Surely that means I am still in the honeymoon period? 

Anyways, enough of that analysis.

I had that job interview today.  Well, really, it seemed less an interview as I have understood it before, it was kinda sorta a chat between me, the general manager of sales, and one of the directors of the company.  It is a multinational, but the set up Here is that it is a fairly autonomous unit, owned by the local directors who are the shareholders.  Not a listed company though - as I feel I sound like the Financial Times suddenly hahaha.  It's not your regular interview when the guy brings out the whiteboard and writes up the organisational structure.  It was less an interview for the role I would be taking on immediately, but seemed more like an interview for the job in the company I would be taking on in two or three years time.  Very strange, compared to the numerous interviews I have had the previous few weeks.

And I am sure the director was asking questions out of left field just to see how I reacted, and how I could relate.  And they were both the kind of people who could remember the entire conversation without taking one single note, and come back to something I had said half an hour before.  But the funny thing was, I was in no way daunted or intimidated at all.  The best line I came up with was, potential boss said 'have you got a to do list', and I said, I did before I got Here, and now I am doing my to do list.  Although I didn't say 'this is what I got up to on Saturday night' lol lol. 

It's funny, the two interviews I feel I have aced the last few weeks have been the ones in which there was absolutely no pressure on me.  No wait, I take that back - the interview I had last week that I got through to second interview today with, I thought I blew because I wasn't rah rah sales enough.  And I apparently flew through to today's thing.

We will see.  But I feel I aced this interview at least.  Which probably actually means I crashed and burned hahaha.  We will see.  It's been an okay day.  Mistress has been a little unmotivated herself, and Sir is exhausted from his work, but I am doing my best to support them both, without actually throwing myself into the trenches every five seconds.  If you know what I mean.  Like an emergency service, most of the time is spent in the station entertaining myself, but I am to hand Just In Case.

'In Case of Emergency, Break Elf.'

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

God, I Am Good At What I Do

Regards the post title today, it is specifically referring to what I do at work.  Three days in, and I have already got fulsome praise from my 'customers' - being the public service, I don't think we actually have customers, do we?  But made a member of the public very happy, calmed down her panic, and got a lovely email reply back after I had sent her some useful web links.  Which was nice.

Mistress had said last night that if I stay with current job or get the new job, either place will be extremely lucky to have me.  Being a permanent position, gives me holiday pay and annual leave.  Which is another positive of permanent over temp work.  And I went through my temp contract today, and there isn't all that much keeping me with them.  They 'expect' me to see out the temp contract, but nothing that I can see that is really binding.  I might talk to Mistress about it, who has the brains and patience to go through contracts with a fine tooth comb lol.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I had dinner with my parents and grandmother last night.  Went to a lovely pub in town, that I had been glancing at from time to time but hadn't quite gotten in yet.  Mistress, Sir and the kids stayed at home - they made a good impression last week, and Mistress had said she wasn't in the mood to do additional entertaining.  She is a bit flat lately.  Dinner was very nom though, and I thought during the middle of it that it would be nice to bring Mistress and/or the tribe there, and omg, I'm the local here now out of those that were at the table.

I will catch up with Mum and Dad next month, but saying goodbye to Grandma, I tried to hide it but I got a bit teary.  Not sure when the next time I will see her is, she isn't a spring chicken anymore, and I dunno, kind of just soaking in the conversation and the time with her.  On saying goodbye, she said to me look after yourself.  I replied, yes, yes I am.  She came back with oh stop being self satisfied and smug, to which I said seriously, I haven't looked after myself this well for a long, long time.  And then gave her a second hug.

Today, work work work.  Got home and the place exploded around me basically.  Child two was showing a bit too much cheek and Mistress and then Sir shouted at him.  Mistress was snappy at me for a bit, before she showed her Achilles heel to me - the best way to distract her from most anything else, is put a recipe book or a food magazine under her nose lol.  Just a quiet night, the deal was if I did the dishes, she would do the ironing.  We watched the television in the background for a while, before Mistress retired to bed.  Gave her a quick back massage before she went.  Which was nice.

For Sunday and Monday, I had hardly spent any time with Mistress.  Which feels a bit strange, to be honest.  Even though I was socialising with friends and family, it just felt different without The Boss around.  So it was nice to spend a few hours of quality time with her tonight.  I don't have anything else social planned for the rest of the week, and hoping to get out, with Mistress if possible, to a pub to watch some sport on Saturday.

Will see how things go.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Only Happy When It Rains

No, I haven't gone all depressed overnight.  But more a reference to when it rains it pours - in the positive sense.  And even though it is such a negative song title, the song itself is gorgeous in its nihilism.  And Garbage's lead singer, Shirley Manson, was one of my major celebrity crushes during the 90s.  I wonder whether she is still as eminently fuckable as she used to be LOL.  Damned redheads, as I dissolve into squee hehehe.

So, I told the employment agencies that were still looking for jobs for me that I had gotten a job.  Got messages saying good luck and the rest early in the day, and then mid morning, while working, I had a new message from one of them.  Waited until my morning break until my curiosity got the better of me, and I was thinking they wouldn't be trying to get back to me with bad news.  Turns out, they had gotten my message, but hadn't told the client that I was off the market.  The client got back to them, and said they would want me to come to a second interview - well, third, if you count the vetting from the agency in the first place.  Which, omg, took place only last Wednesday.  When things move, they move fast.  And this second interview with the client company will be with their GM.  I don't think I have EVER had an interview with a GM.

And, instead of retreating into the bunker of 'I already have a job, safe, comfortable, boring', I decided to take a chance, organised my availability for an interview in my head, and let the agent then do the hard yards of making it so.  For the first time in the whole job and interview process since I got Here, I felt in control of the situation, I didn't immediately fold into acquiescence and just take what they gave me.  Well, maybe the second time, when I went for the initial interview with the client, Mistress had hardened my spine not to accept anything less than a certain amount of money.  Which I did so.

I was quite proud of my assertiveness.  When I told Mistress, I think she was quite proud of my assertiveness as well.  And when I got home, I hugged her and mentioned the A word.  She beamed at me, almost but not quite in shock kinda sorta.  And I am so proud that I am able to assist her by working and getting paid.  Of course I love doing her housework - and yes, part of me is in shock at how true that statement has become for me - but this way I am even more of a net positive than I was before.

It's not that I dislike the job I am currently doing.  I can see myself thriving in it given a few months.  And my line managers are already singing my praises to the higher ups, two days in - had a five minute talk to the divisional director today, and she is looking forward to seeing what I can do.  It is just that the culture of potential second job was quite relaxed, yet at the same time a work hard play hard mentality.  They had soccer shirts up in their boardroom, and I said they needed an Arsenal shirt up there as I was finishing off the interview - well, maybe not, with the season the Gunners are having.  Bit of levity goes a long way sometimes, if put into the exact right spot.  And did I mention that my potential line manager is another mega hot blonde, with a huge -

Smile?

Although I did have a headache all through the day.  Probably the combination of Saturday's endorphins, Sunday's beer, and today's actual, you know, learning shit at work thing.  It's gone now though, relaxing at home with the Bosses.  I think I wrote enough about Saturday's fun, and last night's entry was almost a haiku, it was that sparse of details.

So yes, caught up with heaps of mates, one of whom keeps sticking her tongue down my throat, but just in a teasing, see what it is like kind of way.  Dunno whether anything will come of it, but she is cute enough to keep me interested hahaha.  She does make me twitch delightfully most of the time, and the feel of her body under my hands, mmmm.  But, at the same time, I'm not going anywhere and am totally Mistress' and only play with her permission.  Both her and Sir had decided to take a raincheck on the munch, and I was, metaphorically at least, let off the leash.

When Sir dropped me off at the train station, he said to get drunk and get felt up by cute girls.  Tick, and tick hehehe.  And, it being a kink crowd, some of the conversations I found myself in, geez one girl in particular is pretty shameless.  Conversations about plastic sheeting on beds after she came and messed five normal sheets in the quite recent past.  And her attitude towards vanillas, is very - I use the word advisedly - puritanical.  The only good vanilla is one she has perverted to the other side and some such.  And the birthday girls, there were about four of them, having Kiss Me cards on their shirts, and getting their kisses however they wanted them lol.

There were six of us there when I left.  A lot of them had left for a Chinese dinner, but I was trying to save money, even though I had spent a considerable amount on the night.  I'm sure I shouted as much alcohol to the mates as I actually drank.  Damn my generosity.

When she picked me up, Mistress giggled at how smashed I was.  I didn't think I was at the time, but really truly, I was more than just tipsy lol.  I'm kinda glad that when I got home the kids were already in bed.  Being around kink people, and with the conversations I was sharing with Mistress and Sir, glad the kids were apparently asleep.  Sir said how can you turn around and go to work in the morning - Mistress, with her knowledge of my socialising patterns over There, knows I can do it very easily when I have to lol.

And damn, I look good in a suit.