Quick Break One

Phoned two hours in advance for a taxi to get to the airport. Automatic booking, without need for an operator conversation. Half an hour later I was still waiting - I ring back, but am put on hold. Forty minutes of waiting, I ring back - the guy basically accuses me of stupidity for doing an auto booking instead of talking to an operator for an airport run, and says he will see what he can do.

For the next fifteen minutes I ring about four times to get an update, but the line is constantly engaged, even for a 1300 number going through to a call centre - I am getting quite frantic at this stage - an angry, frustrated Pauly is quite the sight to see, especially on things I have no control over - went back inside the house to vent, rather noisily - hope there weren't too many neighbours home to hear LOL - well I can write LOL now, at the time, hmm, frustrated, angry, impotent - that's the word I was looking for!

Got through to the taxi firm again - got a friendly girl on the phone, who gave an ETA on the ride, explained it was a Friday afternoon and they were flat out - I forgot it was a Friday, and thought a mid afternoon run would be a doddle, and even managed a weak laugh with her - or is that just natural sexism - girls are soothing on the phone, boys are argumentative, and is it vice versa for women making phone calls?

Still, it was an ETA of eight minutes, and I had been responsible and rung in two hours beforehand, and I could hear the clock counting down in my head a la that TV show '24', yes, now you have that clock ticking in your head as well, eh Mr Bauer? LOL. Guesstimating it would take half an hour to get to the airport, would leave me about twenty or twenty five minutes before flight time - with the half hour in advance to check in timeframe bouncing around my head.

I rang the airline to ask whether the half hour was binding or just a suggestion, and guess what, they had high call volumes and put me on hold as well - grr! So eventually, while waiting on hold for the airline, the taxi turned up, and I flew from the house to the cab in one bound it seemed LOL.

Getting into the cab made me now feel like those couples off the Amazing Race, because of the tight time frame. Should I offer more money for him to speed, run through red lights, swerve around the railway barriers LOL - none of those happened, thank god, but especially at the railway crossing I had my eye on the watch, no, trains didn't come through at this time surely?

And the adrenaline build up waiting for the cab seeping out of me, replaced by a vague dread in my stomach, wondering whether the desk clerk at the airport would let me get on if I was within the half hour check in slot. Visions, again from the Amazing Race, of being at the airport, begging and pleading for the next available flight - 'is there any way we can get to [destination] tonight?' - or questions to that effect LOL.

Got to the airport in just a shade over twenty minutes. The desk was still open - no, it wasn't, the girl said she had just closed it, but head over to the service desk and check in there - which I did, no troubles. The girl from the desk that had closed wandered over to the service desk, gave me a smile that I had gotten on OK, and said, with humour in her voice 'now get up there, I'm just about to head up myself' - ground staff, not cabin crew on this flight apparently, hmmph! LOL.

Not quite the running through the terminal a la the Home Alone movies, but the tightest I have ever been for a flight - barely two mins after I got to the desk, the priority customers were boarding. More soon...

Pauly

Arrivederci For The Weekend

Am out of town for a couple of days - going down to visit V. Hmm, if only I had put it off until next weekend, I could have done a blow by blow trawl through the newspapers and blogosphere tomorrow morning (Australian time) of whoever is getting indicted for the CIA leak. Will just have to keep an ear out for the radio news tomorrow I am guessing, after the cute dog stuck up tree piece - am thinking that US politics doesn't rate that highly in the local radio news LOL.

At least I was around to see Meiers withdraw her nomination - although I do really think that the next nominee will be someone that liberals can complain about, rather than the conservatives whinging about Meiers this time around. The Bush Administration, equal opportunity nominations LOL.

And the funny thing is, one of the Washington Post's columnists, Charles Krauthammer, foresaw both the withdrawal and the reasoning for withdrawal a week ago -

'Hence the perfectly honorable way to solve the conundrum: Miers withdraws out of respect for both the Senate and the executive's prerogatives, the Senate expresses appreciation for this gracious acknowledgment of its needs and responsibilities, and the White House accepts her decision with the deepest regret and with gratitude for Miers's putting preservation of executive prerogative above personal ambition.'

And that was from October 21, people. Now I'm wondering, did the White House have this plan in mind and Krauthammer discovered it, or did they read the Washington Post and think, now there's a good idea LOL. Who knows with this Administration at the moment - everything they have tried to do since Katrina has blown up in their faces. What a shame, boo hoo hoo - or the case of chickens coming home to roost.

As if the Administration could nominate Meiers and then think of putting the lid on the last five years of her career. Hmmph.

Oh, a spot of good news in the world, from Toronto - as part of a Wendy's competition during halftime of the Toronto-Hamilton CFL game, 'ordinary guy' Brian Diesbourg kicked a goal from the fifty yard line and won a million dollars - to be paid over forty years in $25K installments. What is even more amazing is that he missed from the twenty, thirty, and forty yard lines before getting the big one. Everyone all together, awww :)

Spot ya later everyone :)
Pauly

Meiers Withdraws From The Supreme Court

Yes, yes, yes, doing the liberal happy dance in my head here :)

Even though a Meiers Supreme Court Justice confirmation would be another nail to bash in the coffin of Republicanism, at least the Bush style, we don't want these sort of mistakes to be jobs for life, do we?

Or could this whole ploy have been pure politics, to nominate an incompetent so that even the left wouldn't mind a harsh constitutionalist, and then bring out death penalty anti abortion black woman nominee who does have an idea of the whole justice system? And both conservative and liberal America sighs in relief at avoiding the bullet Meiers may have been?

Not even Dubya or Rove could be that devious, surely?

Pauly

Two Iraq Links - Very Good Journalism

Two thousand US servicemen or women have been killed in Iraq since March 2003. The New York Times ran this piece yesterday on both the statistical patterns and also some of the personal stories of the dead and their familes. Just imagine this article, but five hundred times as long - and that is just for the dead troops, not included the 15,000 odd wounded.

The next big number may be when the number of troops killed tops the death toll in the World Trade Center attack - wasn't that about the 2800 mark or so?

And, in a pretty amazing piece of journalism, one of the Guardian's Iraqi reporters (surely he had to be Iraqi to blend in with the community?) spent the better part of last week with the insurgents, somewhere in the 'Sunni Triangle'. And writes of an apparent split between the religious and nationalistic insurgents, and the Al Qaida inspired nutters. Very good piece of journalism methinks...

Sometimes I wonder why the internet has such the bad reputation it does, even considering the easy access to porn thing, when television tonight has consisted of The Mole, Stupid Behaviour Caught On Tape, Twenty To One Top Aussie Songs - with aforementioned Friday On My Mind as the winner, Inside Idol, Stars Without Makeup. Of course, there is qualityish stuff on ABC or SBS, but as for the commercial networks OMG.

Hmmm, geez I wish I knew more people that would be interested in political story emails - I think they would bore the pants off my workmates, even the ones I am closest with LOL. And chain mails seem to go down a better treat than any REAL story with the friends and acquaintance email address list.

Pauly

Friday On My Mind

Hmmph - what I deserve for thinking anything on Channel Nine is any good anymore, they had a 'chart' show of the top 20 Australian songs of all time, and Friday On My Mind got number one. Hmmph - the baby boomers trying to hang onto their youth is my opinion of it all. Of course, my choice of Khe Sanh is about twenty five years old itself LOL.

Or maybe it is the Channel Nineness of the programme LOL - I can't think of a show, apart from Survivor, which is an American import anyways, that I watch on the channel anymore. The Footy Show isn't as great as it thinks it is, I can't stand Eddie Maguire, there's only so much league and AFL I can watch in a weekend, and all the American cop shows do tend to merge into one another, is it CSI, Without A Trace or Cold Case? And even if it is CSI, is it Vegas, Miami or Manhattan LOL. Hmmph.

Still a bit light on topics - don't want to drag everyone down with Australian anti-terrorism laws, or the ongoing wait for Fitzmas, where Karl Rove and others will be indicted and chucked in jail (OK, OK, exaggerating but wishful thinking). Maybe it is just me, but the White Sox winning the World Series isn't as exciting as the Red Sox last year?

Later peeps
Pauly

Quick Iraq Mention

Was watching the latest suicide bombings in Iraq this morning (Australian time), and was struck by the fact that in April 2003, coverage from the very same camera angle was showing us US troops and Iraqis tearing down one of Saddam's statues. Right outside the Palestine Hotel, which has been the foreign media base in Baghdad since the war started it seems - oh, but no one told the US military when they fired tank rounds at the place, in the invasion stage of the war.

Still too hot to really think or do anything, but just thought I would note the latest from Iraq - oh, there is the possibility that 2000 American troop deaths have been reached today.

Oh, and a leak to the New York Times has said that VP Cheney was the initial Administration source for Valerie Plame's name - hmm, pinch of salt, Judith Miller anyone? But when I heard that the indictments may go that high, yes, I did get excited. What's an appropriate phrase in these circumstances, oh yes, go f*** yourself, as Cheney said to one of the politicians on Capitol Hill a while ago :)

Anyone else thinking of birds roosting? Anyone else who can't remember Watergate wondering whether the atmosphere nowadays is similar to Nixon's second term? If you extrapolate September 11 as Gen X and Y's Kennedy assassination, maybe Plamegate could be the Nixon resignation? Exciting :)

Later taters
Pauly

Too Hot To Do Anything

It is basically too hot too think at the moment - light thunderstorms currently, and only getting down to 20 degrees Celcius overnight, with high high humidity. Is very tiring and draining - what is 29 degrees and 73% humidity on the humidex count? Or do I want to know LOL.

So therefore, will just post another pretty picture as per above :)

Pauly

More From My Subconscious

This morning, had a dream that woke me with a start - I was doing my regular thing at work, had put in a request to put a little extra towards my debt repayments, I don't know, doing a direct debit or something, and the next thing I knew, work had done a credit check on me, and I was fired.

I had an impression that I was still with a temping agency, but I was agog at the reasoning for my sacking. I thought that if I was sacked from this job for that, then what other job would let me in - reason for leaving your last job indeed hmmph.

I managed to sneak in the next day, with the help of sympathetic workmate friends, confront one of the team leaders, who showed me a copy of the credit report. I went to my former desk, had people come over and say how sorry they were, rubbing my back and such, and I tried to focus on the credit report, but I was trying to concentrate too hard, reading the text of the report, and lost the dream - you know how it is, I am sure.

Great, two of my insecurities, my work and my debt, mixed together in one perfect storm of a nightmare - weapons of mass destruction, meet dreams of mass insecurity LOL. At least I didn't seem to have worries about friends deserting me, that sure would have been the trifecta.

Another dream I had last week seemed based on a karaoke competition at work. I arrived in the office one day to hear LDU singing Dido's All You Want, and decided I wanted to have a crack at this singing lark as well. Except it wasn't karaoke, there weren't the lyrics in front of you, so I was stuck there for a second or five trying to think of a song that I knew all the words for. The first one off the top of my head was Ray Charles' Shake Your Tailfeather, off the Blues Brothers.

Eh, the things my subconscious tells me. If only I could decipher them.

In the land of reality, I told LDU she was in a dream I had, and what she was doing, and she said she was a big fan of Dido - well, that's a positive at least :)

Laterz
Pauly

Another Quiet Weekend

Watched Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room yesterday. Was kinda fun being in a theatre with people who actually follow a bit of the news, rather than the usual brainless teen audience - nothing against Forty Year Old Virgin and others of course, but definitely a different demographic to an Enron movie crowd LOL. The movie itself was good, in a want to reach through the screen and strangle Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling way LOL - and, yes, I have to admit that I have become like Pavlov's dog with George W Bush - even though it wasn't a political movie like Fahrenheit 9/11, every time Georgie Boy made an appearance, I wanted to throw popcorn at the screen LOL.

Although I think that amount of audience participation is only for Rocky Horror or Sound Of Music. Eh, will start my own traditions, lol where is that DVD of Fahr 9/11? Strangely enough, I haven't got it yet though - was much more a fan of Bowling For Columbine actually.

Today the main excitement will be the planned haircut and window shopping at the mall LOL - yeah, it is going to be that quiet a day. Mmm, mallratting :) So yeah a quiet day.

Over the next couple of days, the US military death toll will hit 2000 - the latest toll is 1996, and October has been the bloodiest month on daily average thus far since January. Good war journalism piece today from the New York Times of the ongoing conflict in Ramadi - it has often been said that Iraq has no front line, but from the report it sounds like Ramadi is a hot zone.

And still the debate about the original case for war continues - by proxy in the Valerie Plame CIA leak case. Weapons of mass destruction, remember those? I think the special prosecutor is going to give his report or send indictments out on Monday, North American time. Will be interesting :)

Some more post-Katrina aftermath from the Gulf Coast - New Orleans is broke, and has laid off half the municipal staff. If people do return, who is going to run the schools, provide public transport, or provide any of the other basic services. More importantly, who is going to pay? Despite the President's 'whatever it takes' soundbite, the federal government is only thinking of giving municipalities money by loans rather than as grants.

Anyone else think that the powers that be in Washington are now more interested in the CIA leak case, or looking over their shoulder at Hurricane Wilma hitting Florida, than one of the worst natural disasters to hit the country ever? The phrase 'poor, mainly black' keeps ringing in my head for some reason. When September 11 happened, or even Hurricane Andrew in 1992 as the article also mentions, the feds bent over backwards to help out.

Grrr.

Approximately thirty to fifty thousands houses look like having to be demolished in New Orleans - over a quarter of the total number of houses in the city. And that doesn't include the extra sixty thousand houses that are deemed repairable - if the owners don't have the money to repair their houses, they could be on the demolished list as well. Hmm, just reading about a federal requirement that damaged houses in floodplains be raised a foot in height - of course, the federal government just makes the rules, they don't provide the money to actually do the work.

Enough of the depressing news LOL. Will get a haircut and mallrat for a bit :) Like, you know, that person is so totally hot, and, like, whatever - practising my Valley Girl accent LOL.

Pauly

A Punnet Of Hot Chips

One of the girls at work wandered down the corridor past my cubicle with a punnet of hot chips with gravy on them. It has been a 'bad' week weatherwise here in Briz Vegas (don't ask me why, but that is one of the nicknames the locals give the city), raining or overcast about five days out of the seven, although with the city council and state government on drought alert, rain has been good - if only we got enough to get rid of the water restrictions, would be excellent.

Anyways, with the rain outside and the punnet of chips in the office, was suddenly taken back to primary school in New Zealand, where fish and chips was on the menu from the takeaway shop across the road, and thinking of having them in the middle of winter, with the cold rain pouring down outside, curled up in the school library reading a book.

Which gets me to thinking what sort of book it would be, either Tintin or learning to play chess - and then I remember that I got the learn to play chess books from the council library. Which leads me to thinking of walking to the library, about a half hour walk, with my mother, again on those dark winter nights.

Thinking on how quiet the library was, and how quaint the whole putting a big date stamp on a card process seems now, in the age of internet newspapers and publishing. Fast forwarding a few years, researching high school projects in the reference area, or forward a few more years, and it seems that the library has turned into an internet cafe or music and video store - yes, you can still only loan the CDs and videos, but you are charged for it.

I think back to my times in the library as a young child, and am sure it I only saw the altruistic, not the profit driven. Surely the council was making money off side ventures then as well? Surely it wasn't that the entire 1990s were a penny pinching, mean decade?

Curling up in bed to read a book - good memories.

Or sitting around the table, listening to the classic hits station on a Saturday night. Or towards the holiday season, hearing Snoopy's Christmas. Or, again in the kitchen, my first seizure, when I was nine or ten - my limbs just went to jelly, and I collapsed. I remember feeling such a klutz for needing an ambulance crew to come out - they didn't take me in to hospital, but advised my parents on what had happened. It was completely out of the blue.

Or having fish and chips or hamburgers on a Saturday, curling up in front of the fireplace, watching the Monkees or Flintstones. Or playing chess against myself - I never developed into any sort of prodigy or great player. Or reading Roald Dahl's The Witches.

Or if we were sick, we were allowed the treat of transporting ourselves during the daytime to the parents' room. The luxury of a double, or was it queen, bed. I think I always took a book or two with me - obviously, in the time before I watched too much TV.

Outside, the vegetable patch, Dad's ham radio antenna, the garage where he pottered away, soldering bits of metal onto each other - I was never quite sure what he did out there, but his work bench always seemed exciting - the picnic table and the swings.

Back to school, to fifth grade (they called it Standard Four in New Zealand, but it was equivalent), and the rich cadenced voice of my teacher as he told us the tale of Bilbo Baggins, the thirteen dwarves and Gandalf. JRR Tolkien's The Hobbit, of course. I was hooked on the heroic fantasy genre immediately. Up until then, my main reading material had been safe, mid Americana book club fare, about kids being locked in the library after hours, or pre-teens battling ghosts, or Enid Blyton or Roald Dahl. I think even Biggles made an early appearance in my reading columns - the World War One stories were always better than the post war detective pieces of course.

From heroic fantasy, my taste easily morphed into sci-fi, and I read Asimov's Foundation and Robot sagas in early high school. Whether I understood them or not is still open to debate - I open the series up now, in the book stores and the writing almost seems inpenetrable. I read a massive amount of sci-fi and fantasy, but for some reason never got into Anne McCaffrey. I think I was all burned out on new authors by that stage.

But before I became a fiction reader, I was hugely into non fiction. The first non fiction I remember reading were the magazine series History Of The Second World War and History Of The Twentieth Century. At that stage war was an abstraction for me, but the graphs showing how many combatants on each side were awesome. Iconic images, such as the dancing children statue in Stalingrad, or raising the Red Flag over Berlin, or the bravery with which the British faced the Blitz (which now, in a more cynical mind, I see as fatalism) burned into me at such an early age. Somehow Dresden, Auschwitz and Hiroshima didn't make as strong an impression on me.

I don't think it was until I saw coverage of the Iran Iraq war in the mid to late 1980s that I had an inkling of how destructive war was. Or maybe it was earthquake coverage I was watching - it is hard to pin down when I first began to understand war. Not having been in one myself, I can only say I have begun to understand it. Peter Jennings with breaking news of the bombing of Baghdad in 1991 - a swell of excitement even then, and war was made to look like a video game.

A lot of cynicism gained in the near fifteen years that have passed since then.

Okies, I will stop this stream of consciousness type writing for now - as I hear everyone breath a sigh of relief :)

Pauly

Friday Night At Home

An email went around this morning at work, saying that another staff member was leaving - the 29th in our section since the last new staff were taken on board, there have been a couple of Survivor-like tribal merges cutting us down from three floors to one - it's hard to say whether we were overstaffed or understaffed beforehand, we seem to be taking as many customer calls as we ever did...

Anyways, the latest evictee is KWE, off overseas next week or something, and although I haven't had much to do with her the last hmm six or so months, and even before that she was a bit stand-offish, I remember the first time out socialising with her, she was like 'well, I can't really think of you as a friend because you are a workmate' - LOL some things just stay seared in your mind - despite that, she was part of my initial intake, and I wanted to see her off with at least one Friday night drink.

The email went around our team this morning, but had actually been sent out to the team leaders on Wednesday - so I wasn't mentally 'prepared' for going out lol. But wanted to make an appearance at least.

The evening was due to start at 5.30, and what with my late shifts this week, I didn't get out of the office until 7. The place was in the Valley, but a venue I hadn't heard of before - as I was heading down that way I was thinking to myself, 'I hope this is a bar rather than a restaurant, it's been a tiring week and I want to ease into the evening, and boy is it just me or is it freaking humid tonight?' Always lots of thoughts in my head.

Got past Brunswick Street, the place was a bit further down from there, and suddenly seemed in the midst of the homeless. Mission Australia and Salvation Army shops - boarded up windows, and a second hand record store. A couple, he with head in hands, she comforting him, on a metal bus stop seat - hard to say whether they were homeless or stressed 'normal' people.

Then suddenly luxury car dealerships - but further than the internet map I checked earlier in the day seemed to place this starting point for the evening. I walked back - it WAS down that path. Uncertainty clawing at me, I see the flyer for eight dollar cocktails, and I wonder whether I want to head in. All I want is a beer, I don't want a night club. I hesitate for a minute, and then head in.

It is worse than I thought. Barely lit, people sitting on cushions around low tables, white netting curtains surrounding each individual group. I go back to the front desk, ask for 5.30 bookings under the names that I can think of, both first and last. No booking has been made under any of my workmate's names, is there anyone I can ring, are you sure this is the right place, do you know how many people were under the reservation.

I am tired, I just wanted a quiet drink to either ease into the night or to at least make an appearance, my inferiority complex makes an appearance (in hindsight, the girl on the front desk was perfectly helpful, but at the time I was there she just seemed superior), and I think to myself I was just an add-on member of the party, they won't miss me if I don't show. As always, Pauly on the periphery - if not in fact, then most importantly in my own mind. Plus it's an hour and a half after they started, they could have kicked on to another bar already.

I bail, I feel I would be ill at ease in a dimly lit cushions and curtains superior restaurant. There will be other times, with people at work that I am closer to than KWE. Christmas party season is almost upon us. And other such lame excuses. I was tired, I was hot, I was uncomfortable. I bailed from the evening, and its potential.

It was a long week.
Pauly

The Bandwagon Grows

Following on from my previous post, academics were whinging about the anti-terror laws on Monday, and the Victorian and Queensland premiers got a sniff of opportunity to whinge last night about the shoot to kill policy - now, tonight Western Australia, New South Wales, South Australia and the federal opposition have waded in. Peter Beattie (Queensland) said that there was capacity in current laws to shoot to kill without needing new laws, while the Prime Minister said today that it wasn't the legislation's intention to chase innocent people and shoot them in the back.

About this time last week, wasn't everyone bagging the ACT Chief Minister for leaking the legislation? Even though it's been due to political opportunism, hopefully some real debate comes out of this. Of course, the majority of the population is still having withdrawals from the end of footy season and watching Australian Idol rather than worried about terrorism or civil liberties hmmph.

Is anyone else bored with the Workchoices ads? We should be, fifteen million dollars have been spent on the thing, and the experts in the advertising industry say it has gotten to saturation level. People are switching channels rather than watching it, apparently - glad to know it isn't just me.

And the STUPIDEST ad is the one which states 'simpler, fairer system' while a mother walks a child along a footpath, and the child drops her lunchbox. WTF has that got to do with industrial relations LOL? And why on earth is the official website a secure site? Worried about cyber vandals or hmm terrorists perhaps?

Hmm, alleged Australian Taliban fighter David Hicks is in the news again. Apparently the four years he has been kept in prison without charge won't go towards any sentence the military tribunal hands down. And then the Australian Foreign Minister jumped up today and said that it should - as if, at any time in the last four years, Australia has given a damn about the guy. Every other country has been petitioning the US to get their Guantanamo Bay detainees released home, either to detention or something else, but no, not Australia. We can propose shooting people in the back and locking people up for telling friends and family that they are locked up, but we can't make any laws retroactive to keep alleged terrorists in prison if they come home from Cuba.

Well, with the Immigration Department's recent record, deporting Australian citizens back 'home' the the Philippines, maybe it's best if Hicks does spend an additional four years in Cuba. Hmmph, in full rant mode here LOL.

Hurricane Wilma deepened into the strongest Atlantic hurricane in history overnight. Is due to weaken a bit before hitting the Yucatan Peninsula and Cuba over the next twenty four hours, before probably heading on to Florida - yes, my head was spinning at that route for a bit, Wilma started off in the deep south of the Caribbean. There have been 21 tropical storms in the Atlantic this year, and twelve have developed into hurricanes - with six weeks to go in the season, they have run out of 'official' names, and whatever forms next will have Greek alphabet names (alpha, beta, gamma etc). First time in 150 years, since hurricanes started being monitored, that has happened.

And what with Katrina being the second worst hurricane ever (while out at sea), and then Rita developing into the worst hurricane ever, and now with Wilma beating even that, it's been a weird season. Although four hurricanes hitting Florida in six weeks last year was just as weird.

Enough news and ranting, for now. I could say something about avian flu being located in Greece now (the EU, even if only the fringes), and some pigeons imported to Australia, from Canada of all places, having the disease, no doubt being destroyed after that discovery. But nah, I'm too tired, and have already put enough thought into the ranting above :)

Pauly

Passing The Buck

Sorry about the lack of inspiration in the 'writing' last night, but when a reasonable topic came up halfway through the evening, I was too tired/bored to consider writing it. So now I will do a twenty minute rush job before work LOL. Just remembered I have to do some internet banking as well, so yay even more distractions.

I love some aspects of Australian politics, one of these aspects being the uncertainty over where the state/federal government responsibility boundaries are. Whereas in the United States, at least from a distance, it looks like the state/federal divide is pretty static, and has the guardians of the Supreme Court keep an eye on things - although, if you believe small government conservatives, the federal government has gotten the better of things since Warren was Chief Justice - in Australia, being a younger country without a Supreme Court perhaps, no one really seems to know where the outer limits of their responsibilities are.

Point in question, the anti terror laws proposed. Now, seemingly, the federal (or commonwealth), state and territory governments all need to sign off on the legislation. When they had the Grand Meeting in Canberra a couple of weeks ago, the feds basically said we can't show you all the legislation, but trust us - oh, all right then, we will have a ten year sunset clause. That concession was only given through gritted teeth it seemed.

Then the ACT (Australian Capital Territory, like District of Columbia, but bigger and less people) Chief Minister put up the proposed legislation on his website, the federal government got in a strop - John Howard and Phillip Ruddock unhappy, oh dear what a shame LOL - and even then the other state government leaders said well that will help the terrorists blah blah.

The thing has been on a slow burn this week, they had a debate by academics on Monday night I think, but finally the state premiers woke up to the fact that the legislation had a shoot to kill provision for undercover police, and the Victorian and Queensland premiers were on TV last night saying they weren't told about this in the first place. Hmm OK - passing the buck LOL.

The Victorian premier being one of those who said the ACT minister was irresponsible, and of course the Queensland premier being slaughtered in the integrity stakes by a local health inquiry.

Okies, gotta rush to have a shower and get ready for work now. At least the above must be better than inspirational emails?

Pauly

Yeah, I Got Nothing LOL

The boss at work sent around the below 'inspirational' email a month or so ago (how time flies), and I have been keeping it in my for a 'rainy day' post. Yeah, inspiration for original content is somewhat lacking tonight - sorry peeps. You can of course reserve the right not to read it :)

Damn, I never thought I would be reduced to the status of recycling chain emails for content LOL. Even the boss said when she sent it out, she wouldn't send this type of thing usually, but it got to her. That's my defence, following the example of a superior, and I'm sticking to it :)

'"Ships are safe in the harbour, but that is not what ships are built for."

"You cannot discover new oceans unless you lose sight of the shore."

"Life and our ultimate success is all about "the choices we make"

The decision to "leave the shore to discover new oceans" is all about choice. Some captains (and we are all captains of our own ship and destiny) are happy to feel safe and stay in the harbour. There is no right or wrong answer.

Here are a few tips to decide whether you decide to leave the safety of your harbour.

1. Choosing 'not to decide' is a choice.

2. If you're not making your choices, then who is?

It's time to find out and identify who or what forces and voices you are listening to instead of your own and take back control. It is amazing that sometimes the people who are "controlling" us and making our choices us are not even alive!

3. There are no wrong choices, only different ones.

If you don't like where you are right now, choose something else.

4. Whether you choose or let the choice be made for you, something is going to happen.

Why not take the steering wheel and go in the direction you want.

5. When you make choices based on your heart and your own vision, the rewards are much more fulfilling and powerful.

6. Making deliberate choices over time increases your ability to consistently make choices that are more aligned with what you want.

7. When you make your own choices you build your ability to expand your boundaries.

(my* motto for boundaries is: set 'em high and wide).

8. When you start making your own choices it changes who you are in a positive way and might even rub off on the significant others around you.

9. When you start making conscious choices you will start living the life you dream about.

10. Making YOUR choices gives you authentic power.'

* I always love the 'my' references in chain emails. Who is it who has put this personalised comment in? Bill Gates? Osama Bin Laden? Bill Clinton? Jenna Jameson?

You don't have to worry, I am not going to go down the route of posting the 'getting to know you/here's 35 random questions' chain emails. At least, not this week.

Pauly

Hours Of Entertainment

Simple pleasures for simple minds LOL

Back In The Game

I get knocked down, but I get up again, you ain't never gonna keep me down - or words to that effect. The 'prom king and queen' may still be either ignoring me or perfunctionarily saying hi (if I have the right word of course), but I am regaining my popularity mojo again - and yes, I have the Austin Powers theme bouncing around my head now.

From a sprightly 'Hi Pauly' from TDE yesterday, to a hug from LDU - I said I missed sitting next to her - to SGR saying that my 'idea of the week' goatie was starting to look nice, after a week and a half's growth - has been a good week thus far. And the idea of group coffee was floated as well - if I can possibly bear to clear my schedule LOL. The coffee idea and SGR's comment came one after the other, and I couldn't stop smiling for a good three minutes or so.

Am on late shifts at work - damned Western Australia being two hours behind LOL - but has not been as painful, so far, as the last time I had a week of lates. After all the self doubting last week, as Christie used to say on the last series of Big Brother, 'back in the game' - geez I hated Christie LOL. But the phrase somehow suits.

Now it is merely back to the issue of same queries, same work, week in week out, how to make that more exciting. But the idea of resigning just to get some excitement into the place is out the window, this week at least :)

Pauly

Oh My Goodness

Wow. That is my reaction to the news from back home that Labour has managed to cobble a coalition together. Not so much that Labour put a government together, National getting over the line was always a pipe dream after counting on election night, but who they are in bed with, New Zealand First and United, with the Greens pretty well frozen out.

And the most bizarre thing of all is that Winston Peters is Foreign Minister. Probably the most nationalistic politician in New Zealand, and the portfolio is outside Cabinet, so Labour has given Peters (and United leader Peter Dunne) the OK to take potshots at the rest of the government when he sees fit. Am shuddering thinking of Winston meeting Condoleezza Rice, Jack Straw, Kofi Annan or any international big wig. Am shuddering thinking if I was still on my former career track back home having Winston as my boss eek.

And he's not fond of Asians - fucking bizarre how he got the job. Not sure whether it is evened out by the Greens not being in government LOL.

Hmm, would think of mentioning the renewed debate on proposed new anti-terrorism laws here in Australia, but my brain is hurting already (just had a debate that went nowhere on ABC Lateline just a couple of minutes ago), and will just say that civil liberties seem to have been ripped up for the proposed legislation.

And of course it was irresponsible of the ACT Chief Minister to release the bill on his website, because you know, freedom of speech and the need for a real debate over this issue, not just endless scare tactics, are so overrated. Sarcasm, people LOL.

'Police do not need to give suspects or their lawyers reasons for the detentions and can monitor lawyers. All conversations lawyers have with their clients must be in English or translated into English for the police. Police are prohibited from questioning the detainees but that ban does not apply to ASIO officers.

Detentions are secret but suspects are allowed to contact a family member or employers to say they are safe but, "not able to be contacted for the time being". If they disclose the detention they can be jailed for up to five years.'

Fuck. That vein on my forehead is starting to throb again, and my blood is getting hot again. Here is the actual draft legislation verbatim, although the Prime Minister has already said it is out of date. More arrest powers plugged into it, no doubt.

Was thinking of mentioning the normal 'US kills insurgents' or 'civilians killed according to eyewitnesses' story from Iraq, but need a bit of a breather from the deep and meaningful stuff. Otherwise my brain will just about explode. At least the referendum got a good turn out and seemed peaceful for the most part.

More later
Pauly

Quote Of The Day

'However rare true love is, true friendship is rarer'

Le Rochefoucauld

Care Factor, Zero

Just a quickie - the top three stories on the local news tonight were all about the Danish crown prince having a child - well, of course his mother having the child, but you know who I mean. Being a big story in Australia because the mother is formerly from Tasmania. And seriously, the second story on the news was how big a story this would be in the women's magazines.

It is as if the new Danish baby will be somehow Australian - last I heard, we weren't under the Danish crown, but no doubt some poll will have that as a question over the next couple of days.

Rolling eyes here

Pauly

More Tales From Kath And Kim Land

The relatives have gone - we can all breathe out, we have our usual allocated space around the house LOL. And the tension is slowly leaching out of the air as well. There was a lot of tension.

The family was paraphrasing what the relatives' holiday report was going to be after they left - 'up north was good, went to the club and played the pokie machines there, the Sunshine Coast was good, went to the club and played the pokie machines there, Brisbane was too hot, there wasn't anything to do, the markets were crap, and they wouldn't take us to the clubs to play the pokie machines'. We think it is pretty on the money LOL.

My grandmother wasn't in the best of moods the entire weekend - my brother brought his girlfriend and my six month old niece around last night, first time this side of the family had seen the baby, and first my grandmother went into the lounge because she was 'too cold' outside, and then, when the baby came inside for a visit, the relatives were glued to the TV, either watching some crap miniseries or waiting for the Lotto results to come on.

My brother's girlfriend was crestfallen, because she is so proud of the baby, and wondered whether they had done anything wrong. Welcome to my father's side of the family LOL. My brother said that they were headed over that side of the Tasman for a mate's wedding early next year, and they would probably visit the relatives who were visiting - no one said anything. Glued to the TV no doubt (and it was a very crappy programme). Like, why the heck bother?

Mum had the theory that after a week in each other's company in close proximity even before getting to Brisbane - they had come over for a cousin's wedding up north, and from my understanding tempers had frayed a few times. They weren't ready to enjoy Brisbane at all I think, and because my side of the family has been away from the 'centre of the universe' for so long, we probably aren't really considered family anymore anyways.

They went on a ferry ride on the river on Friday, which they didn't seem to enjoy. Migod, when I take the ferry, because I don't commute that way, it's very relaxing. But there didn't seem to be anything to do. When we were resigning ourselves to the idea of takeaways on Friday night, my aunt was poring through the Yellow Pages, trying to find a place to go to - my mother thinks she was having pokie machine withdrawals.

When they went into the Valley markets and Chinatown on Saturday, they were disappointed that there was either expensive crafty stuff or cheap Chinese stuff. Umm, duh. I knew they had been talking up their expectations of the 'Asian markets'. And apparently iced coffee means ice cream with coffee flavouring in the centre of the universe - my grandmother complained bitterly about how crap the coffee that my mother had bought was. Oh, and the cake was too dry as well.

Then the sulk session and the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife last night. My aunt saying that my parents should buy two sofabeds to put in the games room for them to stay next time - because, you know, a five hundred pound pool table is so easy to move around. And there aren't any doors on the games room either. And asking where the baby was, and then ignoring her for the most part. And my uncle wanting to access his email to send photos of the wedding back home - because, like you know, you can't wait three days to actually show them when you get back home.

Even I don't access my email when I'm on holiday.

And then to top it all off, this morning they came around at about 11am and started into the beers straight away. At least 'the boys' did, because of course women don't drink beer, they drink spirits - my sister wasn't asked if she wanted a beer all weekend LOL. And one of my uncles had gone into the TAB before coming around and had a beer at about 10.30am hmm.

When it was suggested that they do more touristy stuff than markets or shopping, such as maybe Australia Zoo or South Bank, it was a virtual shrug of the shoulders. They did go to South Bank, as part of the ferry ride on Friday, but only spent about ten minutes looking at the markets.

It's like looking into a different world. Drinking and gambling are the most important things. Shopping is the major thing to do as a tourist - I did a lot of shopping in Melbourne earlier in the year, but I did go to the MCG and err the casino as well LOL.

Will be going to work to relax tomorrow I think :)

Pauly

World News Tonight

In Iraq overnight, voters are getting ready to go to the polls to endorse or reject the proposed constitution. Bombs have gone off in Kirkuk, Baghdad and Fallujah, but thankfully no one was killed in those explosions. 6,100 polling booths are being prepared with a three level protective ring, with barbed wire, metal detectors, and a personal pat down planned before Iraqis actually vote. Voters are also being warned to keep their distance from each other outside the barbed wire, to present a less tempting target to insurgents.

The Afghan elections a couple of months ago went off with less violence and chaos than feared, so fingers crossed Iraq can go well. And if the constitution is defeated, it is done through the ballot box rather than civil war. Of course, Afghanistan, despite a re-energised guerrilla war by Taliban sympathisers this year, was a lot more peaceful than Iraq has been, and is also not currently the front line in the 'war on terror'.

And to get some Sunni groups to endorse the constitution (and aforementioned Sunni groups now being targetted by the insurgents) the Shia and Kurdish delegates in parliament agreed to an amendment which means the constitution can be changed again, after the vote.

Fingers crossed an Iraqi civil war doesn't break out in the next 24 hours.

In Washington, presidential advisor Karl Rove has testified for the fourth time in front of the grand jury investigating the naming of Valerie Plame as a CIA operative. Rove spoke to the grand jury for four and a half hours today. Rove and vice-presidential chief of staff Scooter Libby head the speculative list of indictees regarding the issue, as it seems special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgeral is close to winding up the investigative portion of the inquiry.

This all of course starting from Plame's husband challenging the administration's line regarding Iraq acquiring nuclear material from Africa. The leak was made to several reporters, among them Matthew Cooper of Time magazine, Robert Novak of CNN, and Judith Miller of the New York Times. Miller of course spending 85 days in jail before clarifying she had authority to give Libby's name as her source.

Rove denies he leaked Plame's name, although transcripts of conversations he had with Matthew Cooper indicate that he mentioned everything in detail apart from specific names of people - though Rove seems to think the conversation was about welfare reform, not Niger or Iraq.

It is of course sailing that close to the letter of the law that has gotten Tom DeLay indicted - no business donations to Texan nominees indeed. Businesses can send money to the national Republican party, and then the national Republican party can then channel money to earmarked candidates. Or so the DeLay indictment indicates has happened - if you listen to the man himself he is being hounded by partisan politics.

New Orleans was finally pumped dry earlier this week. But the rebuilding and recriminations have a long, long way to go. Earlier in the week it was reported that FEMA is paying $11 million a day for hotel/motel rooms for approximately 600,000 evacuees from the Gulf Coast, covering all states apart from Hawaii.

There was also a report yesterday that 400,000 packaged meals are being stored in an Arkansas warehouse, due to mad cow disease fears. The meals had been donated by the UK during the worst of the Katrina aftermath, but US Department of Agriculture officials stopped their distribution, due to the ban on European beef imports. Officials are now apparently looking for a third country to take the food. The cost of storage is $16,000 a month, and the meals themselves were worth $5.3 million.

Seemingly a repeat of the 'ice to nowhere' Katrina story that was reported on a couple of weeks ago. 91,000 tons of ice was ordered by FEMA for the Gulf Coast, at a cost of $100 million. One particular trucker, Mark Kostinec, was dropping off a delivery in Ohio on September 2 when he was called up for ice duty. He picked up the ice in Pennsylvania, to deliver it in Missouri. The plans changed, he was to drop the ice off in Alabama. He was then ordered to drive to Mississippi, then back to Alabama. Then to Virginia to possibly combat the oncoming Hurricane Ophelia. And finally, on September 18, Kostinec unloaded his cargo into a storage facility in Nebraska. A journey of 4,100 miles.

And on the FEMA spending goes. 'Whatever it takes' indeed.

Not enough time to even mention the Harriet Meiers for Supreme Court Justice story. Moving right along.

In Europe, bird flu has been identified in Turkey, and suspected in Romania and Bulgaria. EU veterinary officials are proposing that public access to wetlands be limited, and domestic poultry to be kept indoors, as is already happening in the Netherlands. In other disturbing news on the bird flu front, the scientific journal Nature has reported a Vietnamese patient showing partial resistance to Tamiflu, meaning back up treatments need to be developed.

Even in the face of a possible pandemic, petty politics still rears its head. Though, good for a sense of balance, the blame game exists on both sides of the Atlantic -

'The EU has contingency plans to make 1 bn Euro available for antiviral drugs and vaccines, but said it could only do so once the overall EU budget for 2007 to 2013 is agreed. Officials complained that agreement was being blocked by Britain.'

After the break - aka, I'm just about at the end of my concentration for this post - the latest rebel attack in Russia, the Kashmir earthquake, and Shappelle Corby's sentence for drug running gets cut, not quashed.

Pauly :)

I'm The Quarterback, I'm Popular

I am withdrawing into my bunker at work, and it feels just like high school. I was always part of the freaks and geeks crowd, more so than the jocks and cheerleaders, or the 'in' crowd, or the popular lot. The title of the post of course being lyrics from Nada Surf's song Popular about how great high school is LOL.

I feel I am getting ignored by the popular crowd at work - not that I have ever really wanted to be part of the 'in' crowd, but with the changearound of seating the last couple of weeks, with my neurosis about being next to a busier corridor and thinking that people are doubling their efforts to ignore me LOL, and the fact that I was in a good talkative crowd for the past five months, and now I'm next to one of the most popular 'kids', and everyone walks and talks to him and I hide in my 'bunker'. Have hardly got any social going out or send a joke for the heck of it emails in the last couple of weeks as well, eek. Petty neuroses are sometimes the worst :)

And am thinking how to break out of this, thinking of an excuse to invite people out for after work dinner or drinks, or to have a social event, ten pin bowling came to mind (and knowing in my glass half empty way that most people would bail from anything I suggest) - thinking that it is six months until the best excuse for going out of my birthday, and with the losing staff by attrition doctrine in the office at the moment, thinking that leaving the job would be the second best excuse for going out - although in the main I have good workmates, and I am just having a neurotic week or two, and I don't really want to leave just yet (debts, debts, debts to pay remember).

The popular guy in the seat next to me said he was having last night his first at home all week - and there was I hoping for an excuse to go out on that one night, and how 'Quarterback' said he might have a quiet weekend and go to a movie - that is 80% of my weekends mate LOL. Of course, the grass is always greener brigade also plays on my mind - some people are born popular, some are neurotic loners, freaks and/or geeks.

My relatives are here for the weekend, I think I mentioned that in my last post, and they are off market shopping - V was saying I am whinging about not doing anything with anybody, and there is a gold plated opportunity to go out with people. They are family though, when I am whinging I am talking about Brisbane people LOL.

And then I think maybe I should join activity clubs in Brisbane or something - but then I may enjoy it too much. Not in the 'I don't deserve happiness' sense, but in the I may develop too many links to the city to consider moving (perhaps to Tassie?). This damned crossroads period of my life LOL.

Have got the cricket on - the Super Series test, Australia versus the World XI. The one dayers were a bit of a fizzer, with the World getting walloped by big margins in all three games, but the test is nicely poised - Oz 345 and the World innings just getting underway. I think when the ICC considers the next Super Series, they get rid of the one dayers, and just keep the test, or maybe have two tests. After all, one day cricket does have the World Cup as the pinnacle, test cricket doesn't. Just my two cents worth.

Out of all the Aussie cricketers, the one I have most time for is Brett Lee - he is a huge competitor, up there with the best of them, but if things don't go his way, he doesn't mull over it, and he usually has a smile on his face. The other Aussies, not so much time for them.

Next post will be mulling over all the international news and stuff methinks, you have been warned :)

Pauly

Kath And Kim Land

Have some of our Ne Zilland rellies visiting at the moment, my grandmother on the paternal side of the family tree, and four of the aunts and uncles (two couples) from that side as well. They have come over for a cousin's wedding up North, and are stopping in Bris for four days, to visit us - yippy skip. I haven't seen that side of the family at all in about five years, but have been in no great rush really.

Anyways, we were talking before dinner - the aunts and uncles are staying at a motel somewhere around, is only the grandmother staying at the chateau here - we were talking before dinner, and one of the aunts was talking as if the highlight of her trip was playing the pokies at the yacht club across the road from one of the motels they have stayed at up to now. Pokies. Fun. And going on about how big the meals are over here - they actually brought half of a meal down to Brisbane just to show us how big the meal had been - with a plate full of chips extra as well.

The phrase 'does not compute' bouncing around my head with the excitement level of pokie machines and large meals. Oh, and that's another thing - one of my second cousins is gay, and the same aunt said about one of the meals - 'What was it that he had that is gay food? Oh, that's right, butter chicken.' Because Rogan Josh is so heterosexual LOL, and anyways, I like butter chicken - I must be in denial LOL.

Have Morgan Spurlock, Mr Supersize Me, on the TV in the background, with a new show called 30 Days. Tonight's episode he and the girlfriend are doing a month living on the minimum wage - I'm not sure about the whole throw yourself in in the deep end and whinge about it style of documentary making Spurlock seems to do, but boy is his girlfriend hot LOL. And she likes the handlebar moustache thing obviously.

And trying to summon up the righteous indignation over this story - apparently because the US Administration has mandated all Katrina evacuees be out of shelters by mid-October, they are putting about 600,000 people into hotels and motels across 49 states (Hawaii being the exception). At a cost of $11 million a day. Fuck me sideways is my incredulous reaction to that - the accommodation industry, at least at the Super 8 level, won't be needing to do much advertising over the next however many months, all footed by the federal government under FEMA. Have Bush's quote in my head - 'whatever it takes' to rebuild the Gulf Coast.

Trying to get up the indignation, but somehow failing. Has been a tiring day of doing nothing LOL.

Later peeps
Paul

Popular In Ipswich

Just was looking at my sitemeter stats, and lo and behold you can see the location your readers are coming from - they must have added that when I wasn't looking. So of course I do the search through each individual visit, and am thinking almost 3800 visits (over hmm about 18 months, not too bad I would think) geez this checking will take a while. It cuts out after the latest 100 visits, and then I find the visitors by location button. Instead of refreshing the page 100 times, I could have done it in five - duh me.

And so it does appear I do have some regular readers. Ipswich, Wellers Hill and Riverview in Brisbane (all south of the river, funnily enough), central Sydney, Lindfield and Shadforth in New South Wales, Melbourne in Victoria. Repeat visitors the last couple of weeks (I don't class two as regular just yet) are from Manchester, England - Richmond in Quebec - Taipei - Mountain View and Sunnyvale in California, Smyrna in Georgia (US, not former USSR) and West Milton in Ohio. Plus assorted single visits, who may or may not ever come back to read again. Or else just generic national locations, like Australia, or Japan.

To those who come back for more, I salute you, while doing the live long and prosper Vulcan trick LOL. Obviously I must be doing something right for people to keep reading. I am not going to beg for comments again, as I regularly seem to do every two months or so, but if you are shy at doing a public comment, feel free to drop me an email at [chunuk_bair@hotmail.com].

Seeing that I do have local Brisbanite readers, I am kinda wondering if anyone I know in the city does read me, thinking specifically workmates - after all, V managed to figure me out (now I have that Nickelback song in my head, not the most appropriate of thoughts LOL).

And no, by letting you know that I know where my main readership is, I dont mean to scare anyone off. It is just a semi-exciting topic to post about, and I just found out about it all today. Pauly watches his readership disappear and fly, fly away, like skittish flamingos disturbed by lions - fingers crossed that won't happen though.

In the hockey today, Vancouver got dicked by Minnesota 6 nil. Geez I hate the Wild LOL.

Pauly

Pretty Picture Of The 'Since Last I Posted One Timeframe'

Petty Racism

Took a call from a customer yesterday - as I have sometimes been known to do LOL - and we had made a mistake on the order. No biggie, just needed a change of address on the order, from Unit 1 to Unit 3 or something as insignificant as that, and the guy says -

'I guess a Mohammed put that order in'

I did not want to talk to this customer any more after that, but I did my usual keep the smile in my voice while still on the phone with him. At the end of the phone call he also said 'hooroo', which I think was the first time I have heard anyone say that in at least five years - at least outside of TV land.

I did not want to update the customer details either. I did not want to help him at all, and the shock of someone actually saying something like that - the Mohammed thing, not the hooroo - versus my reaction was roiling my stomach, as if a mini clash of civilisations was happening in my abdomen. My brain was trying to reconcile the stupidity of the idea but all I was getting was 'Does. Not. Compute.'

Really mate, yes, it is only Arabs or Muslims that stuff up addresses, or maybe we send the orders off to India or Pakistan to be actioned, or maybe it is a part of the 'other' side's strategy for the war on terror. Sarcasm, people, sarcasm.

The customer slash dickhead who I had on the line would probably vote for a renewed White Australia policy, believe in the idea that Australia was 'terra nullius' before 1788, and agree wholeheartedly with keeping illegal immigrants either out in the desert at Woomera or shipped off to Papua New Guinea or Nauru or where ever, mmm, the Pacific Solution.

You can slag off at me, can slag off at my company, and I won't get riled at all (it is somewhat expected), but the minute you are racist or sexist or querying the equality of basic human rights, bring it on wanker LOL.

But of course, I couldn't really, him being a business customer and all, and the company needing as much good will from the customers as we can get. And, the fact that in the two extra minutes I had him on the phone, it really didn't sink in what he said - who SAYS that sort of thing in this day and age?

Was thinking of complaining about it to the boss, but then, even though I have a perfectly reasonable boss and all, it may have come across as me being thin skinned. And we can't have that now, with all the belt tightening, losing staff through attrition, be happy if you are not attrited (if that is a word), going on in the office at the moment.

Two words to the customer though. Dick. Head.

Pauly

Juice Bottle Haiku

From those wacky guys at Juice Bar...

'Find an empty seat
Small sanctuary for a while
Missed my stop again'

'The night comes alive
Visiting winds talk with trees
Can't hear what they say'

'Kindreds in the sun
You know you'll never be one
So here we are, stay'

I can finally get rid of the stickers I have been carrying around in my wallet for about three weeks LOL.

Feedback

I got some good feedback from my post yesterday - even though I put it slapdashedly together, I was still complimented for writing really well. Eh, if only I could see it - it is OK, even good perhaps if I am being generous to myself, but really well? We will work on that particular self doubt a bit in the morning perhaps - five abdominal crunches, or the equivalent in being fair on your own writing maybe LOL.

And that was another thing I wanted to add, I know I am not the only person who doubts themselves so much, and I didn't want to make it sound like it was solely me who feels these things, but I was caught up too much in the moment of putting it down on paper and then was exhausted of thinking and hit a blank patch and then signed out, as I sometimes do, so didn't manage to put that thought down yesterday.

I feel I am becoming a better writer than my earlier entries maybe. Feedback through comments is ALWAYS welcome, especially on my writing ability. And yes, I do know that I can't sit back here, while an extra blog is created every second, waiting to be discovered from my obscure, fairly quiet, part of the net. At least I clean the place up regularly, by doing almost daily posts :)

Oh dear, stream of consciousness time again...

Just a quick Canberra aside for a paragraph - if the new industrial relations proposals put forward by the government are so good, why is it that employers with under a hundred staff won't have to adhere to the current unfair dismissal process? I can guess that the government is trying to say it will save paperwork for the small businesses, but doesn't the change implicitly mean if you sack someone 'unfairly' they don't have a right of reply?

And I just LOVE the new advertising for these 'WorkChoice' proposals. With the twangy guitars in the background, and the true Aussie battler voice in the foreground, it is just the merest inch this side of John Williamson's True Blue LOL. I thought that advertising like this was only for schemes that were embedded in law already (thinking Medicare primarily), not proposed legislation. Yes, I know the government has a majority in the Senate for the first time in like twenty years, but please, let's go through the proforma version of Australian democracy please?

There were three of those ads in one ad break on SBS tonight - yes, I know SBS actually have shows that run the whole way through and have longer ad breaks in between said programmes, but three in about six ads, it seems $20 mill can go a long way. And saying that new laws will make it easier for employers and employees to talk - like they don't talk at all now, yeah right.

The churches having a go at the government, saying relationships are more important than money, and both Labor and the government bringing their favourite Pope John Paul The Second quotes out to burnish their credentials on fairness, and then Howard saying job security is a big part of family security - hmmph, I better stop, just had a red flash go across my eyes LOL. So much for one paragraph.

Pauly

An Endless Sea Of Self Doubt

I'm not confident about myself. At all. Not that that should come as a surprise to anyone that reads regularly - there must be one or two of you out there. See, example one, self deprecation rather than thinking that I actually do any good with this blog.

I thought about titling this entry either 'The Debilitating Effects of Self Hatred' or 'When Self Loathing Becomes A Habit', but on the whole I don't think I really hate or loathe myself - I have moments, patches, when that does happen, but on the whole, it is more a doubt thing.

Let's start by thinking about work. I question my competence for the job on a daily/hourly basis - I question whether my workmates like or care what I am talking about, so stay as quiet as a mouse - I move desks next to a busy corridor, I think oh, now 'they' will have to work double hard to ignore me, because I'm not worth speaking to or acknowleding anyways.

I have always been more keen to listen to criticism about myself than praise, wanting to shrug any positives away, while giving eagle eyed attention to my flaws, almost as if I am cultivating them for future harvesting. Praise is like rain falling in the desert instead - a quick warm feeling, then onto the negatives.

My friendships and relationships. I often wonder if I am worthy in the friendship sense, whether they talk to me out of a sense of pity - well, not pity perhaps, but something similar, and on the relationship side whether I can let my self deprecating guard down and let someone in. Whether I deserve it, often the nagging feeling of how will I screw this one up in the back of my mind.

I think how my friends are scattered to the four winds basically, and what I can do to shore them up. I don't send nearly enough emails - and by emails I don't mean the internet joke recycling assembly line, but real emails, with real information and such. I think about how I could maybe give people glimpses of how I'm doing with my blog, but fear it could seem a verbal slide show and there would be very little interest out in real world land.

I think I may be afraid of happiness. I have spent most of my life trying to be a human sponge, to take in the ideas of people around me, and not forcing my opinions on others, that it may be that I am afraid of having what I want, because for starters that would mean actually figuring that out.

Sometimes I feel that my life, the way I have constructed it, is a mental Maginot Line (massive French fortifications built between the world wars), that I compartmentalise my life excessively - no, that's a work thought, can't mix it with the friends, the travel, the family - and that may be to avoid actually making my mind up about things. Sometimes I feel that my blog is the only place where I can express myself - sometimes as a writing exercise, sometimes because my blood is boiling and I want to get a point across.

And no, I am not in love with my blog LOL.

I feel I am at a crossroads - six months away from thirty, living with my parents (yes, it is as ick as you probably imagine it), my pleb level job, I could be selling hamburgers it feels such a commodity providing thing. I feel I am using my debts, admittedly they are high, I feel I may be using them as a convenient mental block to avoid any changes at the moment. I could be searching for another job, I could be looking to move again, I could even be getting out of the computer room more and living my life.

Every Sunday going to the movies is not a social life. But then I kind of fear if I do have a social life, I may enjoy it too much - see above with the unsuredness I have around happiness.

And yes, this is one of those posts I am throwing together as I go along rather than analysing every word, every phrase for how good it might sound - a rant, a stream of consciousness rather than an attempted work of art or literature.

More later
Paul

Bathurst Weekend

Also known as the one weekend of the year where the family timetable fits around my father's schedule LOL. He has been watching Bathurst it must be for at least twenty five years and there is no known way to break the habit. Being more a Formula One man myself, whenever Dad talks about the Aussie V8 Supercar racing (to the North Americans, think of it as Nascar on a street circuit), I kind of zone out, passive listening I think the phrase is, pretty similar to how I go when he talks about his work - construction, whereas I have always been an indoors kind of boy - saying, yes, and uh huh at the right moments, and trying to pick up key phrases to come back to later.

So, being the Formula One boy I am, I can kind of float in and out of watching a six and a half hour race as Bathurst is, they even help out by having hourly updates LOL. It was a good race this year though, lots of big incidents, no one got hurt fortunately, accidents without injury are always fun to watch. But of course, being Sunday, going to the movies got me out of the house and away from the TV for half the race.

Went and saw The 40 Year Old Virgin. Good good movie, a less stupid type of There's Something About Mary was my initial one sentence reaction to it. Lots of swearing and sexual content though, so not one to take the kids to, but a lot of fun, and has endearing characters - including the bit parts.

Makes it two from two good movies - last weekend, I don't think I mentioned it, I went and saw Serenity. The best sci fi adventure comedy I have seen in a long time - Indiana Jones meets Galaxy Quest. What's the bet that the TV show Firefly will be resurrected on the strength of the movie - hey, it happened with director Josh Whedon before, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a movie before the TV show :) Yeah, I think I will be getting both movies the last two weeks on DVD when they come out.

I was thinking about putting a Star Wars reference in there about Serenity, but I am scarred by the 'prequel' trilogy being too full of itself plotwise LOL. And the series overall was more interested with the principal characters in the universe, Serenity is at the margins of civilisation with just everyday people trying to get by. Bring on a sequel :)

Yesterday I wasn't up to much at all - didn't even register with me to go for a swim in the pool (my parent's project over the winter), even though it got up to 36 fecking degrees. Ick, I hate the heat, bring on the air con LOL.

More later :)
Pauly

A Quick Washington Based Aside

Just reading about the intriguing nomination of Harriet Meiers to the US Supreme Court. Apparently, in her capacity as White House counsel, she was in charge of finding and recommending nominees for the Supreme Court to the President.

Back in 2000, when Dubya was up against Gore in the election, Dick Cheney was in charge of finding the boss a vice-presidential running mate. He chose himself.

If Bush just read some newspapers and didn't get all his information from his advisors, do you think his buddies would get to nominate themselves successfully? You would hope not - hope being the operative word...

Pauly

The Week That Was

I got told by a girl at work, KMI, who I don't usually talk to that much, that my hair was 'spunky' earlier in the week - I have been keeping it spikey and/or mussed up since my last cut a couple of weeks ago, so it was good to get that feedback on it. Last week I had been told that the way I had it cut suited the face of my shape, 'some people can't get away with it, but it works for you', and have had other compliments about it, so we will keep this experiment going on for at least a while more :)

It's just so unexpected, the compliments and praise and all. I don't usually get it, in regards to my appearance, so it has been a nice thing to happen.

The general manager at work sent out an email yesterday, saying that there will be staff reductions over the next three months, but this should be able to be managed by general attrition. Yes, I am in a company that is in a belt tightening, cost cutting phase, rather than expansion. Seeing an email go around like that, when I am having ambivalent thoughts towards the whole job thing (workmates are OK, but the actual job sometimes does my head in), I think maybe I will do the company a favour if I jump and become part of the attrition. And then I get taken back to reality with the whole debt repayment thing grr LOL.

And that was work this week LOL - apart from the usual unhappy or neutral feeling customers. Have changed team leaders again, and I think I have landed under the best one on the floor. Fingers crossed I will be happy and/or inspired in the job over the next couple of months...

Pauly

A Saskatoon State Of Mind

Why oh why do I get the best/worst sinking feeling in my stomach when I check out the Canadian forecasts on the Weather Network? Or how I still feel intensely proud and local when I read about the restart of the NHL overnight - hell, I was based most of my time there in Ottawa, not Vancouver, why am I a Canucks fan?

I think about how the period 2000 to 2003 shaped me, and how, following on from my time in London, I feel that it helped me grow as a person. London was testing my overall independence, Canada was testing out relationships. Even though in the end they failed, and there were intensely negative patches in there, I still feel I learnt a lot from my experiences.

Things have changed irrevocably from when I was there. It will not be 2002/03 again. My Ottawa ex is still bitter towards me and how I left, my Saskatoon friend is now in Florida, married, and my Victoria ex is half a world away again in suburban Britain.

But the relationships angle doesn't even begin to explain why my stomach goes funny when I think of Canada as the country. When I flew into Vancouver in March 2003, I had the funniest feeling of coming home. We may disregard that perhaps by cabin fever brought on by a trans-Pacific flight, and a step into the unknown, but that was a real feeling I felt.

Vancouver Island, both in 2000 and 2003, simply gorgeous. The crispness of November air in Victoria, burrowing under the covers and sleeping in - the wonder and excitement in her eyes as she assessed me. An artist she was, against my logical brain, it was never going to work. The earnestness of a junior hockey match, a quiet cafe afterwards, pumpkin pie for the first time.

Leaves, coating the front lawn, and seemingly the entire island - the wet crush of them underfoot, as we walk in a five hundred year old forest. The salmon, exhausted, dying, after climbing the rivers to spawn. Back to Victoria, shopping, the Inner Harbour, Parliament, the Empress Hotel. A tourist shop, Anne of Green Gables on the complete opposite side of the continent. Finding the perfect book, released in North America months before the publishing date back home.

The club, feeling out of my depth, with her friends swarming. The pizza bar at the end of the night, just as good if different to the cafe the other night. Perusing a 7/11, being very similar to those 'back home'. Having a full body cast done in plaster as her artistic senses took over another night - listening to Radiohead's Kid A. Haunting. Her eyes looking in the rear view mirror at me as we drive back home from an up island trip. I'm sitting in the back, falling asleep, smiling to myself. Kid A on again.

Moby's Play on the radio as we head down to the beach. In a British Columbian November. The beach is still gorgeous though, if in a windswept, cold way. We are both wearing our jackets as we lay down for two, perhaps three minutes. I take a couple of photos, and then look at her. Really look at her. She squints her eyes, screws up her face.

She was an artist, it was never going to work.

More Canada musing soon - very inspired here :)
Paul

Weird Ass Dreams

Over the past couple of weeks, I have had three dreams that I have woken up from, more or less remembering frame for frame, and they have all been uniformly weird.

The first started with me going up the gangplank from seemingly my parent's little peasant village in Mother Russia (I could see hoeing of the crops going on in the background, and the women were dressed up like those babushka dolls LOL), up the gangplank onto Vancouver Island, which I had the sense I was going to sail around Cape Horn and park it next to Nova Scotia or Newfoundland or something. Hmm, what had I been eating that day you may wonder.

Once on Vancouver Island, setting sail as it were, I saw a bear. I got in closer to take photos of it, and then it starting fighting with a tiger. I got closer, and then the fight broke up, and in one of those classic communication with no speaking moments, the bear told me to keep my distance, and I said I agreed - I was sure the grizzly was talking directly into my head in plain English though.

And then the third act of dream one, I was going through some rooms in the ship/island, and turning lights off when people weren't in the room and such, conserving energy I think. One of the rooms I went through was a rugby change room, and all these big burly blokes, talking about how hot their girlfriend's were or something. I just thought, because I didn't want to be beaten up by the high school first fifteen, just thought that hotness would be OK, if you didn't mind not having brain cells in the likely lot that would be girlfriends of rugby players.

Second dream, I was doing a project of some sort where I had to interview some high powered dude, can't remember who he was, but someone along the lines of Tony Robbins. I find myself in a 150 storey building built over the Pacific, somewhere near Guam, and I am in the shopping mall with an old school mate. A guy gives a dismissive look at me as he walks to the downward escalator, and instead of being my normal Pauly self and taking it, I go over there and eyeball him back, say something along the lines of 'and of course you're so good', the guy stops and steps towards me, and I'm not backing down, I'm itching for a bit of argy bargy.

We both calm down though, and I go over to the old school friend and say something like 'he had a right nerve didn't he'. I feel the building change shape or something, and we are informed by the pseudo Tony Robbins that the building has split into five 30 storey complexes, Voltron like, and are flying around the world to be put in strategic spots - our part is heading for San Diego apparently. I say this must be a hoax, Tony says no, I think a bit further and think oh we must all be in VR, virtual reality suits, and Tony says no. We land off the coast of San Diego, a lovely view, and Tony takes both me and the old school friend out for a bit of a car drive - I think he didn't like us questioning what was going on, and will take care of us. Offer we can't refuse kind of care of course.

Third dream, this morning, I was at a gay wedding, I think the singer off Green Day was getting hitched - remember, it was just a DREAM, I am not casting aspersions on anyone's sexuality LOL - and at the reception he was singing the song Holiday, with a group of fans shouting out the 'seig heil' wordy bit with him. No, not the Madonna version of that song LOL.

Weird ass dreams, huh.

Pauly

Roma Street Transit Station

God I hate transit lounges. I don't have to be here today, but in my aimless wanderings this evening I looked up and found myself here, and felt a need to write about these places. Airports, railway stations, bus terminals, they all feel the same.

Empty.

Devoid of any warmth.

Places to avoid.

The low murmur of the TV, always on the least interesting channel or show in eternity ever. The phalanxes of plastic chairs and tables, which are comfortable maybe one time in a hundred. The hubbub of a hundred conversations, none of them able to rise above the level of a dull, faint echo. Often drowned out by the rattle of the cash registers, metal trays clanging in the food outlets, the constant thrumming of trains, planes or buses. Aircraft with their insistent whine, buses a growling cough. Not to mention the constant whirr of escalators or the occasional ding of the elevators.

The PA announcements that you can never hear clearly, unless you concentrate within an inch of your life. The endless neon lights, blinding as a jackhammer directly into your eyes. The constant sense of tiredness, of dislocation.

Flying into Chicago O'Hare with the city a lattice work of light below. In the airport as the sky lightened from black to purple to pink as the sun gently kisses the sky before dawn. The abstract night shapes of imagination, with only the aviation lights distinguishable, slowly coalescing into sharp, hard metallic jet fuselages, eyes squinting as the sun hits them just so.

The bleakness of Belfast airport, emotion and heart break rising to my throat, threatening to strangle me. A special transit hell all of it's own. Delays in Belfast, my nose studiously in an FHM or Q magazine, missing my flight in London, a voucher and an indistinguishable airport hotel room, the bleakness swelling to take another day of my life. I remember the Customs officer going through Heathrow on the way to Northern Ireland, have you met your girlfriend in real life - I should have turned back then. The inanity of early morning news, especially after jetlag.

Cairo airport, waiting in the main departure lounge for two hours in the earliest of mornings, waiting to check my luggage in, with no sleep, feeling the most vulnerable I have felt in an airport ever. Fighting to keep concentration, to keep awake, for just five more minutes, and then five minutes more, my eyeballs burning.

The sheep like procession courtesy of Greyhound Canada. The midnight truck stop in Kenora, Edmonton closed on a Sunday, under two feet of snow. Winnipeg at night, Thunder Bay in a bright bright morning, and a Sudbury transfer of buses, yawning all the while. The monotony of the travel broken by the first few days of the US invasion of Iraq, catching the news every few hours, CNN and shock and awe in stop motion perhaps.

Transiting Auckland airport, feeling a fraud. Coming to Australia to be with the family to recover from the overseas experience, and it as if I am using my homeland as a stop off lounge. The accents over the PA, sounding strange. Wanting to just leave the airport, to start my life again back home, but I am too unorganised, it is too early, too soon to even consider that. I shuffle onto the plane to Brisbane with my head in three different places at once.

Paul

A To Do List

Have been thinking of what I want to do with my life, in big picture as in huge territory. I am good with big pictures, but tend to compartmentalize them (if there is such a word of course), for example, big picture with V, big picture at work, big picture with family, big picture with finances, etcetera. I have never really, in the last five years or so, stepped back and thought, wow, this is what I want to do with my life, so have had three thoughts so far.

One, is to help people. In a Medicines sans Frontieres doctor helping eliminate world hunger and disease kind of way, or perhaps an Angelina Jolie clearing landmines kind of way - yes, Angelina had to get a mention in a wish list somewhere LOL. Or just delivering food aid somewhere, or just doing something of value in the developing world, something so totally unselfish like that. I know it sounds a laughable cliche, but that is really what I would like to find myself doing. Maybe not as a doctor though, even though that would be the coolest...

The second thought I had completely butts up against the outgoing adventuresome idea in my the previous paragraph, is to settle with a partner. To have the whole domestic security blanket thing going on, to become a member of a real, functioning community again - and by that I don't mean stray workmates, old drinking buddies or old friends from school. I think I have always been too much of a loner to really settle into a wide group, but the warm comfort feeling I think it would give me, would be good. Or give me cabin fever, one of the two.

Going on from the second thought still, kids would be nice - I think I would be a good father - but, if not kids, then lots of nephews and nieces and stuff perhaps. Feeling very Bilbo Baggins about it all, read the first chapter of Lord of the Rings if you don't know what I mean.

It is just funny to me that the primary two thoughts I have with the what I want to do with my life thing are just so totally opposite to one another. With the helping the world thought I had first, I don't mean to go all Indiana Jones glory hunter about it all, but just quietly toiling away somewhere in the world, doing my bit for human endeavour, would give me warm fuzzies.

The second thought I have is to withdraw from the world, again, quitely toiling away in a remote corner perhaps, or maybe not so remote, but to do that for my own mental wellbeing than thinking of anyone else (apart from possible partner and kids). Wouldn't go so far as to say the thoughts are basically bi-polar to each other, but what is a word that means the same but a lot less?

Third thought is to get famous for writing, to improve how I express myself, to become actually good at it (rather than any sort of fame perhaps). Money would beat fame hands down, in a writing sense at least...

Next time, on the Jerry Springer Show, is Pauly too negative on himself. Geez, I shouldn't allow myself deep thoughts, should I LOL.

Pauly :)

If Only I Could Write Like This

Maybe the best post I have ever read over on The Girl's blog was written today. Check it out. Quick warning for the younguns, mild sexual content is mentioned.

Will post this and then write something myself - don't really want to sully the awesomeness of her post anymore than necessary right now.

Pauly

Bali, Again

At least 25 dead, 101 injured in three bombings in Bali overnight. Almost three years to the day after suicide bombings in Kuta killed 202. Apparently there were two other bombs defused on the night, and actually was a bomb placed in a hotel earlier in the week, which the Indonesians said was a hoax, but in the light of what has happened, the authorities may have just been trying to cover themselves. Casualties include Indonesians, Australians, Koreans, Japanese and Americans.

Not going to mention the proposed new anti-terrorism laws agreed to in Canberra on Tuesday, not going to mention them at all.

Grr, Labour took the New Zealand election after the special votes were counted, well, as much as anyone could take this election. National lost a seat, but the Greens didn't gain one, which was the informed guessing, so it's time to go, Nandor Tanczos (he thinks in Gretel Big Brother style). Googling that name may be of interest LOL. Final results, with a 121 seat Parliament - Labour 50, National 48, New Zealand First 7, Greens 6, Maori 4, United Future 3, ACT 2, Jim Anderton's Progressive 1. How stable will minority government be this time around?

Another week, another military offensive in Iraq - last week it was Tal Afar, this week it is Sadah, near the Syrian border, 1000 US troops doing a sweep called Operation Iron Fist. Two US soldiers killed in bomb blasts today, and I read that a Danish soldier also died in another bombing. Over 1900 US troops dead since the war started, and how many WMD did we find?

And that of course doesn't cover civilian casualties, in Baghdad alone there are an average of 1000 Iraqis dying a month. Earlier in the week, there was a series of suicide bombings in Balad, and in two bombings alone there were 110 dead. Good article from the NYT today about how the Iraqi middle class is 'coping' with the ongoing chaos.

From the stupid Republican files, which are fit to overflowing this week, what with Tom DeLay getting indicted for illegal fundraising and 'heck of a job' political appointee/FEMA sacrificial lamb Michael Brown getting in front of Congress, saying he isn't Superman and blaming the New Orleans and Louisiana officials for not evacuating the city earlier (hmm, I am sure Nagin said get out, get out now a day or two before Katrina - Brownie must have been reading the same 'New Orleans Dodged A Bullet' newspaper on August 29 Dubya was reading LOL).

Anyways, from the stupid Republican file, comes this story of a Reaganite education secretary said on his radio show 'abort all black babies and crime will come down'. Not going to comment further on that, the stupidity of it is just astounding. Of course, as I think I read in Wonkette, now we all know that William Bennett has a radio show somewhere out there in red-state conservative radio land. Oh, and he was drug czar under Bush Senior - and we all know how great a job he must have done at that job LOL.

Yes, yes, I know there are stupid Democrats out there in red state land, but they can't even sort out their own party at the moment, let alone think about running the country.

Oh, Lynndie England, the anti Jessica Lynch of the US military, got sentenced to three years in jail and a dishonorable discharge for her part in the whole Abu Gharib fiasco. No one above the National Guard Major General who was in charge of the actual unit at the jail has been convicted of anything though, and that really puzzles me. Surely these part time soldiers didn't just get it into their head to abuse prisoners without orders from higher authorities, or perhaps military intelligence? Puzzling.

Especially if failings of government about New Orleans and the wider Gulf Coast in the face of Katrina may possibly have the buck stopping with the President, why not in Iraq? A war which he ordered, no the buck stops with a National Guard Major General, with a force of nature, the buck may possibly in some circumstances somewhat land at the Oval Office. Grr.

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) won a court case earlier in the week as well, against the US government, to release further photos and videos from the whole Abu Ghraib mess. The government was saying to release them now would give further encouragement to the insurgents and terrorists, and that what was happening in April last year is no longer happening anyways, but the judge noted that if the things weren't released, then the terrorists would be able to say there are worse things out there that they are covering up. Get them out, get the issue out of the way as soon as possible, and maybe, just maybe, take a bit more responsibility about it all. More grr. The government has two weeks to appeal the decision...

Later peeps
Pauly