Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Overwhlemed

I had a bit of a meltdown this morning.  I could feel the tendrils of depression reaching out to capture me, and I didn't particularly like it.  I was fretting about how I will be paying the rent, and paying my bills, and the rest.  And I went to hospital today, as I had been referred to check a hazy patch on my retina, that my optometrist thought may be a tear.

Was not happy.

I guess I'm still not happy even now, though the specialist gave me the all clear to any retinal damage.  He freaking quadruple checked though, took about twenty to thirty minutes with bright lights and poking and prodding in my eye, not fun.

And the diet is out the window, all I want to eat is comfort food at the moment.  And lots of it.  Blah.

All the guilt.

On the positive side of things, another job interview.  And should be a strong candidate, as it is an agency job at the place I worked for seven years while in Brisbane.  A large telco, is all I will say at this point.  And apparently it is even at the same customer level that I used to do, but mobiles instead of landlines.

Along with the phone interview tomorrow afternoon for the travel industry, could be a good day tomorrow.  Could be.  Still need to decide whether I'm in the mood to go to work or not.

And had a lovely disagreement via text with Casablanca, about her take on my employment woes.  Blah again.

Watching Troy at the moment.  Hadn't actually seen it before.  It's not as horrid as I had heard it was.  Eric Bana is a great actor.  Brad Pitt is a bit meh in this one though.  And it's like a Greek Game of Thrones lol, there's Ned Stark and he's not dead hahaha.  And what the hell were the Greeks doing camping on the actual beaches, you would think they would have set up inland, where, you know, all the farms and wood and water and horse feed they needed for their supply lines would be.

But then again, this movie seems to have condensed the entire Trojan War into Spring Break.

Still not as bad as I thought it was though.

And the fact that I can bitch about a movie indicates how First World Problem the rest of my issues are.  Though just because they aren't life threatening, doesn't mean they don't have the ability to overwhelm.

Ah, I don't know what I'm trying to say.

Time for sleep.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Tuesday

Yeah, as you may tell by the title today, I'm not the most inspired today.

Some haiku to start us off -

Rosie O'Grady's, Northbridge

Tasty shepherd's pie
Was better than expected
Large serves, good value

Queens Tavern, Highgate

Relaxed Sunday sesh
Music choice was pretty great
Nice and chilled upstairs

Enrique's School for Bullfighting, Highgate

Great staff, vibe, decor
The beef ribs were to die for
Pricey but worth it

And still the birthday ones come in.  Which reminds me, Joburg still owes me one.  Haiku, that is.

To my dear friend [name]
A soul whose warmth can transform
The coldest winter

Hmm.  Bit flat at the moment.  Which is interesting, because I had two interviews today, have another one on Thursday and have a medical appointment tomorrow.  Yep, too flat to go into any great detail.  Maybe tomorrow.

Monday, April 28, 2014

An Upswing Of Sorts

14 working days to go at current spot.

24 job applications submitted.

1 agency registered for.

3 more interviews this week.

1 rejection email.

1 position that has delayed shortlisting until June.

3 of my closest friends out of town.

*purses lips*

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Does Not Compute

Warning - contains adult themes

I am so tempted to ditch Fetlife.  The local community disagreed heatedly on acceptable behaviour at munches.  Where the line should be drawn with regards to sexual harrassment, basically.  Were young vulnerable women being harrassed?  Was it just idle gossip inflicting grievous harm on an older guy's reputation?  Were the drama llamas just fueling the flames?

Whatever the above, a journal entry entitled 'Shame on the Perth Community' was unlikely to ease emotions.  And then, personal battles that had nothing to do with the original issue got hauled into the mix and it was fucking world war three for a while there.  I've given up on the munches for the time being.  Maybe in another couple of months or so, perhaps maybe perhaps.

And then the last week or so have just been constant flame wars about The Friend Zone.  Which is a perfectly valid topic, in my opinion, and of the five or six threads I have read about it in the past week, none of them quite hit the mark of how I feel about the topic.

There have been a lot of strong opinions from the extremes of the issue - all men are out to get sex, all women are heartless bitches who string nice guys along, nice guys need more personality to get girls, how soon do you need to register a sexual attraction, why would someone write such a strong opinion piece if they didn't want or expect to be taken down a peg or two.  It's just a lot of bullshit.  Which, to be honest, is a stronger phrase for me to use in writing than fuck lol.

If you don't agree with a person, don't comment on their thread.  Or, comment once, realise you aren't going to convert them to your point of view, and then move on.  Don't continually go back and forth for hours tearing shreds out of each other in the comments.

Am truly, truly sick of it.  And the only good part of Kinky and Popular used to be the writing, the photos and videos are usually very generic.  Now the writings are filled with he said, she said.

I was going to write something along these lines on Fet itself, but I couldn't even think where to start that wouldn't add fuel to the fire.

Fucking drama llamas.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Exhausting

Interesting week.

I finally got my head in the game of the job search thing.  Have sent off twenty applications, average of two a day since the Thursday before Easter.  I have three weeks to go at current place, and if I don't get anything in the next couple of weeks, I will be more carpet bombing in my approach, two a day at the moment is targeting fairly precisely, at least I think.  I've honed some good paragraphs for the cover letters I'm putting through, or at least, I think they are good cover letters.

So far have had three responses.  Government department role isn't shortlisting until June.  A thanks but not quite from an employment agency.  Am waiting to hear back more feedback about that, to see how to strengthen the resume and cover letter.

And got a not enough experience in the oil and gas sector, but we want you in to register with us, from an agency.  So I got an interview of sorts, and went over to see them Thursday afternoon.  Not exactly sure how it went, taking out the filling out paperwork side of things, I was in and out in fifteen minutes.  All the usual questions (for temping), what do you like in the workplace, what industries, what suburbs would you work in, what's your expected pay rate, what sort of notice period do you need for assignments, how long would you want the assignments to be blah blah blah.  I think I did okay, but I may have been a bit negative about the current place.  All true however, but the wording hmm.  Entry level, basic level of service expected, going above and beyond frowned on, taking initiative frowned on.  The girl interviewing said what did you like about the place then, that made me stop and rethink.

Ah well, you hardly get a job from the very first interview of any search.  And I can adjust my phrasing on things, massage it better.  I was extremely tired on Thursday anyways, so I wasn't really in an interview headspace anyways, but it's for temping, as long as I can breathe and talk and use a computer, I should be fine for the basic assignments.  And not putting all the eggs in that particular basket anyways.

Another interesting thing about job searching is how it makes you re-evaluate the overall vibe of things.  A couple of questions in the application job sites included what are your three main strengths, and what is your greatest achievement.  For a law firm and travel company, respectively.

Three main strengths are adaptability, confidence and determination.  Greatest (non work) achievement is discovering my self confidence, and conquering, or at least controlling, my fears.  With the latter, I was wondering whether it would be too movie of the week inspirational sickly, but then I thought, hey, they asked, it's the thing that comes to me first and foremost, and if I had to figure out my second greatest achievement, then I wouldn't be answering the question honestly.

A law firm and a travel agency, I'm not highly confident in either of those fields for an interview, so why not be honest and passionate in the answers to their questions.

Dating and job searches are very similar, in my opinion.  Hell, even making friends could be considered the same ball park.  In all those situations, you are trying to put your best, most positive face forward, you are hiding away the negative or boring or neutral, and you try to massage those less than stellar points.  As I have discovered the last couple of years, I basically have had enough of bending over backwards to try and please everyone.  I know my strong points, I know how to concentrate on them, and if I don't get a relationship or a friendship or a job from being true to myself and getting rid of all the little white lies I have told myself over the years, or avoiding conflict, or avoiding actually figuring out that the other person isn't really all that compatible with me.

If a person or workplace won't accept me for me, then fuck them.  That's right, fuck them all the way to That Way Out Of My Life.

Casablanca, of course, being a completely unique case on that front.

Caught up with some of my other besties this week, and probably ate far too much pizza.  I think I mentioned that I made dinner for Roma and Knoxville, which was the first actual meal I have prepared for others in about eighteen months.  I'm a good cook when I put my mind to it.

But anyways, not sure whether I mentioned that on the application paperwork for the temping agency, I put Roma down as next of kin, or emergency contact or whatever you call it nowadays.  I mean, yes, my parents and family are still alive, but they are over the other side of the country.  Saying it like that, funny, because Roma is out East for the next week and a half as well.  But yeah, she is closer in distance most of the time as opposed to my mother.

But yeah, I asked whether she would be okay with being my emergency contact, and she said sure, of course.  And I was expecting some sort of back and forth about it, but just the automatic acceptance, kinda sorta floored me.  Though of course I tried to be cool about it hahahaha.  But yeah, I also kind of note it, because for the past three years, Casablanca has been my emergency contact.  But, now she's not.

And I don't really know what to think about that.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Anzac 2014

Watching the ceremony from Anzac Cove at the moment.

It's weird, it always leaves me in tears.  I'm not a militarist, I'm not big on the legends of bravery, I sure as hell don't wish I had been there during the battles, and I somewhat agree with the idea that we should be remembering all of World War One, not just Gallipoli.  I wonder what the Turks must think of it all.  As for the hymns and prayer readings, I have never been a big one for churches, other than as tourist attractions.  And as for the ceremonies on this side of the world, they don't affect me much at all.  To be brutally honest.

But Anzac Cove, even on television, even half a world away, I end up in tears.  And always think that I won't when I start watching it.  It's just the seriousness, the solemnity, when there is so little of substance in the rest of the twenty first century.  At least, in the First World.  Or something along those lines.

I was there you know.  As a visitor, not a veteran lol.  1998.  And I frikkin slept in for the Dawn Service.  One of the most disappointing moments of my life, even looking back on it now.  I got to the ceremonies at Lone Pine and Chunuk Bair later that day, and I got to Anzac Cove on the 26th, but still.

I guess I've just never been a morning person lol.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

A Hit, A Most Palpable Hit

So yes, got a bite from my job applications.  Not actually for the job I was going for, but my resume is strong enough for a recruitment agency to take a punt on me and call me in for an interview.  Somewhat less of a panic than I was a few hours ago, though my current workplace is wanting me to take annual leave for the interview rather than personal.  Fuck that for a joke, if I get other interviews over the next few weeks, do I just take sick leave or something?

The job market in this country is fucked.  Pure and simple.  Though at least we aren't Greece or Spain I guess, with double or triple the unemployment of here.  But I must not panic, I have close friends that care heaps for me and will support me if there is an extended time away from the office.  We will get through this.

I cooked for Roma and Knoxville tonight.  Rather than spending the money on an evening out.  Pan baked chicken and roast veges, once I figured out the electric elements lol.  Apparently it worked out awesome, and it was the first time I have cooked in about eighteen months.  Was very pleased with myself, and then just a quiet couple of hours on the couch with Roma.  Was simply delightful.

She's out of town for the next couple of weeks.  I'm screwing my face up at the thought.  But, I can't monopolize her time constantly.  Especially when it's work related.  And getting out of town will do her the world of good.  And on her day off I've told her to go visit the local art gallery, Over There.  And to send me pictures :)

Art, besties, food, quiet quality time.  It's been a great night.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Vital Stats

Working days to go on current contract (including public holidays): 18

New jobs applied for: 10

Callbacks about new job applications: 0

Days since I have been to a restaurant: 6

Episodes behind on Game of Thrones: 1

Monday, April 21, 2014

Negativity

I had a spell today of several hours where I could barely lift myself out of bed to do anything.  And then the only reason I did get out and about was to have KFC.  No, that wasn't necessarily a good thing, all that uber greasy fried chicken.  Ugh.

I'm not particularly watching my diet at the moment, I'm not thinking of yoga, even over the last couple of days of socialising, I haven't really wanted to be out, strangely enough.

Perhaps it was just a drop from the up of Thursday night, dressing up and all those weird endorphins that go on in my head, but perhaps it isn't.  I know that until I sort out the uncertainty with the job situation, that I am going to have good days and bad days.  And today was not a good day.

It's funny, I tend to think my life is under control at the moment, apart from the job situation.  But, when I take a step back and have a look at it overall, a lot of it is, and has always seemingly been, in flux.  The job, the money situation, the moving apartments idea, the lack of relationship.  Yeah, I was just feeling uber lonely this morning.

Doesn't help that it seems the crazy people I know in my life, who are addicted to short term relationships, never seem to have trouble finding someone to fuck.  And away from the sexual sphere, just, I don't know, a relationship kind of caring is different to friendship caring.

Life just isn't fair when I do my best, do my best, and I think I am pretty spectacular when I put on my top game, and then other people just don't seem to care - about relationships, or work, or friends, or finances - and just seem to get everything handed to them anyways.

Yes, the above paragraph was about Casablanca, particularly.  I am getting to the stage where I look back on things and I wonder how the fuck I ever fell for her.  She has been so corrosive, so damaging to me, and yet I still fucking love and care for her.  And she doesn't even fucking notice, or value what I have tried to do for her.  It seems that even my C grade acquaintances who we both grit our teeth in talking to each other have given me more care and respect than Casablanca ever has.

It's just been so frustrating.  In almost every sense.  As I consider bursting into tears right about now.

Fuck, I hate figuring out what is bothering me lol.

Adieu.

Positivity

The recent haiku...

Uncle Billy's Chinese Restaurant, Northbridge

Cheap, cheerful, Chinese
Always packed, is a good sign
Almost too much choice

Duende, Leederville

Damned close to perfect.
Of a dip in quality,
I'm always fearful.

And a late birthday one...

Flirtatious, cheeky
Fabulously unique friend
First ever bestie

Roma said the other day that her house was my house.  My heart melted at that.  For all of about five seconds before I attempted to put the walls up again lol.  Damned feelings, damned walls, damned interpersonal connections.  Kidding.  Kinda.  Sorta.

And I wrote about the most perfect cover letter I have ever written for a private sector job yesterday.  After that one, I was done for the day, because the only way from there would have been down.  Up to six so far, need another four today is my goal.

Hmm.  Arsenal won, which makes me happy.

Have caught up with various friends over the long weekend who I hadn't seen in ages.  That was nice.

What else is positive that has happened lately.  Hmm, I'll think further on that...

Sunday, April 20, 2014

2014 Job Search, Week One

Blah, job searching.  I can think of a million better things to do with my time, hence I always seem to be procrastinating about it lol.  Even now, with this blog entry, but this should at least be short and sweet.

So, I put eight hours into my first job app, two hours on Monday, two on Tuesday and four or so on Wednesday.  State government sector, a jump of two levels and twenty thousand dollars annual pay from what I am on now.  Think I put it together pretty well considering how short a timeframe between seeing it and the application date was.  And thinking up good phrases about my work history and all, that quickly, it's a good base for additional applications in the future.

Then to read the front page of local paper on Wednesday that the state government sector is going to be on a hiring freeze because of some hole in the budget or something.  Didn't say whether it will affect current jobs being advertised, but the way the West Australian state government is with its decision making, not much would surprise me.  Felt like another kick to the stomach when I read it, especially with how much effort I was putting into the application I was getting together, but another way to look at it, is maybe karma is telling me it's time for the private sector again.

Or, depending on the hours and pay, I could even potentially go part time.  Perhaps.  Part time nowadays is anything under 35 hours, basically.

So, eight hours on the state government one, and two hours yesterday on two private sector admin jobs.  Putting much more effort into my cover letters than I have done previously.  All about the confidence I have gained the last year or so in myself.

Although, being honest, my self deprecation and fears and all the rest, at least in the job market, are only one or two scratches away from the surface.  And, not that I am going to go all woe is me, but I am pissed off about one or two things about my Perth career to this point.  I have one of the best work ethics I know, and yet I am being bounced from one contract position to another.  One of my best friends - I'm not mentioning who, just at the moment - has a horrid work ethic, has never really got to work on time, and yet has a permanent full time job that it will require a crowbar to get her out of.  And I continually get told by her I should be applying for jobs that are ten to twenty thousand better paid.  I would potentially be doing so, if I wasn't being let go from these ones that only pay what I'm on.

Frustrating, how I work and work and work at things and never seem to get anywhere, and some people just cruise through, without any effort, and get what I feel I deserve much more easily.  I'm sorry, were we talking relationships or the job market LOL.  Both, perhaps?

I remember a phrase I used last time I was searching for jobs.  Soul destroying.  I got asked was it that dramatic and depressing, and yes, yes I think it can be.

If any of you have seen the Lego Movie, it is damned hard work being the Uni-Kitty.  To think of rainbows and love and friendship when cold hard reality refuses to go away.

I'll end it there before I get even more maudlin lol.  More soon though, after a couple of job letters perhaps.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Dressing Up

So, I haven't posted all that much the last week, mainly because I spent approximately eight hours drafting up the first of my new round of job applications.  Yeah, eight hours, I know.  More on the wonders of the Perth job market later.

But I want to start, and likely finish, for this blog entry at least, about my propensity to dress up.  My increasing propensity, as it were.  I don't really delve into my mind too deeply lately, and especially not to figure out as to why I am doing it more.  I mean, I know it is easy for me to do well, I'm good at it, and I am more accepting of the fact that I am not, and will never be, an alpha male, but as to the psychology of it all, god knows.  But maybe I am getting to the point where I do need to figure it out.

Or more likely, navigate around the walls in my brain that remain in there.

Was out with Roma and her mate hmm, we shall nickname her Knoxville, and was out dressed up in public for the FIRST TIME EVER last night.  I mean, I have dressed up plenty of times the last three years, at private parties or fetish evenings at nightclubs, but last night was the first time I had ever just wandered through town to a place, without a specific fetish or kink theme to the night.  Of course, it was Connections, drag queens and other dress ups galore, but to go through Bogan Northbridge on the way there, I was fucking sweating bullets.

I don't think I would have done it with anyone other than Roma.  Maybe Joburg, maybe, but definitely not anyone else.  Just the amount of care Roma is putting into our friendship at the moment, or something, and I know she reads this, hiya honey lol.

So yeah, got to Connies, and being wigged and dressed and booted up, I have no idea what it is, but when we were sitting at the table on the outside deck, with Wham playing as music, and a cocktail in hand, all the doubts and worries and stuff that I have on a normal pub night, they all just lifted.  I had no weight on my shoulders at all.

And then a girl came over, a cute girl, and complemented my boots, and Roma said to me later, the glow that I had on my face after that was amazing and awesome to see. Definitely will wear those boots out again.  Then we wandered inside, somehow we had bloody well missed the floor show, but proceeded to dance for about three hours straight.  Which I haven't done, nor had Roma, in a long, long time.  All the cheesy nineties music in the downstairs bar, but - it just worked.  It just fucking worked.

Had so much fun.  Caught up with a few other friends, and another cute girl hauled me up onto the platform on the dance floor, to Rihanna's S&M of all bloody songs, so appropriate lol.  Slept over at Roma's place in the city, on the couch, and then this morning, before she and Knoxville dropped me off at home, she proceeded to feed me pop tarts and pizza and chocolate and muffins and coffee.

As I'm almost in tears for some reason, I think they are happy tears, writing this.  I don't know why, to be perfectly honest, but I have some questions that may require answering.  From myself, I mean, no need to write in...

Firstly, why do I feel so comfortable in girl's clothing?  Secondly, why do I feel a dork when I dance in flats and jeans and boy stuff, and I do exactly the same moves in a dress and heels, it just feels so much more liberating?  Associated to that, the whole weight off my shoulders feeling that I have, where on earth did that come from?  Is it time to name my dress up persona?

Also, I'm not fully sure I am comfortable showing my vulnerabilities as much as I have been lately.  Four or five months ago, on another blog, not sure whether I have migrated it here yet, I wrote that I was pissed off that I had the walls up to everyone, even to the closest.  With Roma, she is intimately aware of my masochism and my cross dressing, and, as my heart rises to my throat as I write this, I am trying to destroy those walls, that fear inside of showing my ultimate weaknesses, because she is my absolute best friend - sorry Casablanca lol - and I shouldn't be afraid of opening up.  At the same time, I need those walls to protect me, I have been fucking scarred so much the last few years, that those walls are being there, being protective for a perfectly valid reasons.

On a related topic, as much as I am chipper, positive and chin up about the job situation, in a less positive frame of mind earlier in the week, it could be taken that Perth is a series of failures.  Relationship failures and work failures.  It was gone as a concern within about an hour or so, but it is another way of looking at things, that I could possibly analyse later on, if and when I want to depress myself LOL.

Mmm, so still kinda sorta uncertain of showing my deepest and darkest and weirdest parts of my soul to even my best friends.  While from her side, I think Roma is trying to tease some of it out, to make me more comfortable with myself.  To go beyond just the public, glossy persona I give to ninety percent of the people in my life, and work on the ten percent of myself that even I am still confused by.

Or I could be totally off the mark.  Wouldn't be the first time I have tried to figure out a best friend and got it COMPLETELY WRONG.  Hello again, Casablanca LOL.

I have been biting the inside of my lip for the majority of the day when thinking about why dressing up is working so well for me.  Not a concern, per se, but thinking too deeply about it is certainly getting more emotional reaction than most other stuff in my life at the moment.  Hmm.

I am sure this will be a continuing topic to the blog in the near future.

Monday, April 14, 2014

The Weekend Overall

Drinks and dinner with Johannesburg on Friday.  Who was wearing make up and a dress and was hella pretty - not quite the stereotypical Joburg look, and she was even smiling as well hahaha.

Saturday, lunch with Roma and assorted others, Jacksonville couldn't make it though, and, even though I had another couple of last minute cancellations, it was Jacksonville who upset me the most, being, you know, what of my besties, and I think it was the whole delayed reaction to the work news, I was being almost a drama llama about it.  But she is pregnant, and took as many painkillers as she can being pregnant, and still it didn't help.  It was less about Jacksonville per se, more the sense of things almost getting away from me and overwhelming.

However, lunch was indeed fabulous, although to have a booking for a time, and still have to wait twenty minutes for a table, not overly impressed at that, and the staff just seemed a bit scatterbrained to me.  But, spending time with some of my besties, was great.  Between Roma and Seville and various others, cute girl overload hahaha.  And filling me up with cocktails.  The food was fabulous, although I think Barcelona's risotto wasn't the greatest.  Nine out of ten meals seemed fine, and then omg the trifle for dessert at the end.  Nom nom nom.  But the whole staff being meh thing, lopped off a star for mine, only four out of five this time.

Then went and had a couple of after lunch pints with hmm, what shall we call this one, Lexington methinks.  Who can drink like a fish, and can drink me under the table.  Luckily, I don't try to keep up with her anymore.  Was a nice time, though I was well inebriated by the time I got home.  Crashed into bed and that was that.

Yesterday, went out with Aberdeen.  Well, when I say went out, I went over to Morley to catch up with her for lunch, and she went and got a flat tyre, that took an extensive time to fix.  By this stage, I was fretting about the job thing again, I was kinda sorta hungover tired, and I hadn't eaten a thing for hours.  I was just very very flat.  And then, when I did decide to have lunch myself, I could not make a decision from menus to save myself.  I absolutely hate it when I get so tired and fretful and strung out that I get indecisive.  It's so not me.

Anyways, Aberdeen eventually turned up, and, as way of apology, paid for everything from that point onwards.  She didn't have to, but she was feeling guilty.  We went and saw the Lego movie, which was surprisingly awesome.  As much satire on Western pop culture in the first ten minutes as I have seen in a year of watching you know, actual television.  And some quite adult references in there as well.

And Batman doing the dark and brooding techno lol.  Was a lot of fun, was a good choice by Aberdeen.

And today, went back to work after the whole bombshell thing.  Was funny, now that I know I'm not staying there, it's as if a weight of expectation and stress came off my shoulders.  A few people will miss me, but I've decided I'm just going to go the honest route if and when asked about why I departed.  It just wasn't quite the right fit.

Onwards and upwards.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Restaurants of Last Week

Bivouac Canteen & Bar, Northbridge

The food, oh my god
Expectations knocked out of
The park.  Fantastic.

Bills Bar & Bites, Leederville

Old Leeder Hotel
Rebranded, but is quite nice
Cocktails are yummy

Jamies Italian, Perth

Busy and bustling
The food is spectacular
Reasonably priced

Durty Nelly's Irish Pub, Perth

Always welcoming
Best of British Isles pubs
In Perth.  Food is great

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Back to the Drawing Board

Job wise, at least.

Got told yesterday that my contract wasn't being extended beyond the middle of next month.  Which was kind of a bolt out of the blue, considering I got to interview stage for a pool/permanent position, and the fact that they have been training me on new stuff just this month.

Basically because I have struggled with a particular KPI since I got there.  Which, in turn, was because I have struggled with how tightly scripted the place is.  Sometimes I missed updating a phone number, which is an automatic fail for the call, sometimes I actually followed up on an issue myself rather than, as the script said, simply send an email across to the regional office, sometimes, when I had multiple jobs to write up, I missed one, and again, automatic fail for the call.  Le sigh.

I mean, I'm not trying to sugarcoat it, it is my own fault that, for basically the first time in my career, I wasn't able to adapt to what they wanted me to be, but most of the time I missed the KPI, and it was assessed monthly, I was missing by only one or two percent.  But in the place that I am, it is assessed as basically pass or fail, no grey area.

So yes, not being kept on because I struggle following scripts as tightly as this place is.  Also issues with my multitasking abilities sometimes, as well as my frustrations with difficult customers.  Or, as I can call them on my own personal blog, frustrations with stupid people lol.

But, on the positive side, on the impression I got from my team leader, who, dammit, I actually like, the place will be as accommodating as they can for the next month and a bit while I job search.  I mean, I don't think I can write job applications in work time or surf the web for positions, but if, no WHEN, I do get interviews, I will be able to take personal leave to go and attend them.  My team leader said she was happy to be a reference, and also will help however she can.

To be honest, about four to six months ago, I was stressing to the max about the statistics, because of the whole contract work thing.  I dunno whether blase is the word, but I have been much more relaxed about it more recently.  Did not see it coming.  But, although I love the job itself, and I love helping people, I did feel a bit robotic sheep about having to follow the script as tightly as it was written.

Basically, I got in as much trouble for overservicing as underservicing.  And one of those examples of under servicing was not updating a phone number, which I am fairly certain I do correctly 95 percent of the time.  Eh.

During the course of the coaching meeting, I was in shock at the start of it, but after about half an hour of talking to the boss, I had processed the grieving stage already.  Mostly due to the fact that we talked about the positives I bring to the place.  I wrote them down, so I could remember them if and when I get antsy and focus on the negatives instead.

The positives I bring to the workplace are, that my customer service and my customer interactions are fantastic, overall.  I am a team player, which actually surprised me when the boss said that, because I have been ramping back that side of me big time at this current workplace.  Not wanting to get too involved in office politics or even office friendships, but no, apparently I get on well with everyone in the office, of all ages, I participate well during team meetings and I'm not afraid to give feedback, in whatever setting.  And I socialise.  Well, perhaps the latter isn't a surprise.

And my team leader said that I have a great deal of determination.  That I have the right attitude and the right behaviours for the workplace.  That I do the right thing, with great work ethic.  I care about people, and I do my utmost to help them (see above, overservicing).  Most importantly, as I scan the bullet points I wrote down, I don't give up.  I always come in, I always have the right attitude, and I do my best.  Even when the day is a bit of a slog.

The last two paragraphs could be the basis for some very good cover letters, and if the boss is going to say that stuff when my references get checked, I will have no problems securing alternate employment.  There was no scripting for initiative or creativity in current workplace, and as I was told, yes, we are customer service, but we give customer service at the same level for everyone.

As my mate in Melbourne said, maybe it's time to get into the private sector again, get out of government.

We will see what the next five weeks bring.  I've already adjusted my job site search and emails that will come through.  Just a bit of tweaking on the CV to do.  And it's less than eighteen hours since I was given the news.  I'm eminently employable.  Maybe time to look outside customer service though.

The pity about all this is, I actually love the job I'm doing.  Eh.  I'll probably love the next job I do as well.

Fucking contract positions though...

Friday, April 11, 2014

Haiku, Haiku, Everywhere

So, all I asked from my friends for my birthday was haiku.  And I got a flood of responses, as follows -

A smile and a hug
For fun, for friends, to be there
For every one

A birthday haiku
For our wonderful [name] [name}
A true friend always

The walls grin with paint
You have spots across your nose
From my taunting brush

Happy birthday [name]
Hope tenants are nice today
Have fun after work

His name is [name] [name]
Thursday night karaoke
Is how he stays sleek

Let's celebrate
This day of your birth
With joy in abundance

Happy birthday [name]
Wishing you a lovely day
Filled with lots of hugs

Arts, culture and good food
Lots of smiles, laughter and hugs
All that is [name] [name]

Beautiful brown eyes
We love how you look in boots
With that cheeky grin

Happiest birthday!
I would offer to sing but -
Nobody wants that!

Happy birthday [name]
Wishing you a blessed day
Sending love and hugs

No haiku for you
But happy birthday to you
Oh, I did haiku

Orange leaves spreading
Colour's warmth across branches
In mimic of sun

Day of birth comes fast
Another food bonanza?
No surprises there!

We met at bar
The perfect tea cup human
Always hot in drag

Cheeky smile in eyes
Hid from world by eyelashes
Blinking in the sun

Sweet beautiful soul
Smile, eyes glimmering bright
Will never forget

A leaf on the wind
The flow of formless water
You are good small man

You are sociable
Happy catching up with friends
Great ladies and food

At a lunch we met
You were there to be a pet
Then we did ballet

I've seen you naked
I have seen you in a dress
Fuzzy and laid bare

Happy birthday [name]
I'll bake you a cake cos I
Suck at poetry

Texts out of the blue
Friendliness and thoughtfulness
You make people smile

Haiku for [name] [name]
He really is quite cheeky
Dress tight boots red

[Name] slave in training
Carrying many things
Calm and happy man

Our friendship brings joy
But sometimes doesn't make sense
Refrigerator

Always up for debaucherous adventures
A cocktail of beatings and random shenanigans
An eccentric and enduring connection

Birthday cake all gone
Balloons falling on floor
Smile the day is yours

A birthday haiku
[Name] requested for today
Alas, I can't think

From my cave he drags
For happy drinking good times
Happy in car boot

Happy birthday [name]
Hope you get some pussy
Or at least blow jobs

Happy birthday [name]
Hope you get up to some fun
Or some kinky shit

Happy birthday [name]
Enjoy your day with lots of
Fun, friends and laughter

Sweet, uplifting
Energy that brings a smile
Yet cheeky, naughty

[Name] [name] is his name
Sweet, kind and a bit kinky
Happy day of birth

Fringe world cherry popped
Moon cafe pizza and cocktails
Happy birthday [name]

I met you at freak
You dressed up as Lolita
Friends from then we stayed

Dynamic duo
Guard down, heart open, content
I'm with my bestie

And still a few more to come in that I am expecting :)

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Another Birthday Eve

You know, I think I realised something at work today.  I am less stressed there than I used to be.  I do customer service, and at the latest place I have been there, what, coming on nine months now.  My callers don't do my head in as much as they used to, and I am happier and more settled in the office than I was.  Not that I was as unstable or anything as that last sentence may appear to sound, but I just let my frustrations sometimes get the better of me than they should have.

And I thought that it was because I am more experienced there, that I know what I am talking about more than I did even a few months ago, that I have got past the job interview to potentially make my contract position permanent.  I hadn't even thought, up until today, that it may be the fact that my own personal life, away from work, has settled down to such an extent, that I am happy in general with things, that the happy from my personal life may be leaking into the work sense.

Or at least, the frustration levels have tanked completely.  Which is a good thing.

It's as valid a hypothesis as any.

Roma almost bailed on me tonight for our regular Wednesday outing.  She was feeling ill, and was apparently not holding any food down, and needed pain killers in and around her face.  But I tempted her out with the viewing of the new LBD, so we went to the Bird for a quick pint, on my behalf, and the simple pleasure of my company on her side of things.  No eats, but sometimes you get that.

I ended up having KFC instead, silly me.  Upstairs in the city KFC, just feral.  Just saying.

Anyways, haiku for The Bird -

Tiny dilemma
Teeth grind, is very hipster
But I like the place

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

It's Raining Presents

So, my birthday is coming up shortly, and I have scored some lovely presents thus far.  Arty Doc Marten boots, a hundred rouble restaurant gift voucher (which I am shortly going to scope out where in Perth it covers), and a little black dress.  Yes, you read that right.  Oops, it is too late to put the adult warning on there.  Lol, though that's about as far as the adult themes will go this evening I think.

And then the birthday lunch on Saturday, with myself and eleven of my closest, most gorgeous female friends, at Jamie's Italian in the city.  Should be pretty fantastic :)

And then, and I'm counting this as part of the birthday celebrations, a night out at Connections next Thursday, where I am planning on getting quite femmed up.  For the first time in general public.  I still haven't figured out WHY I dress up like I do.  I'm not a drag queen.  I'm not wanting to be a woman.  I'm not adopting another persona when I do dress up.  It's easy, and I am damned good at it.  Are those two options enough reason to do it?  Or is it something deep seated psychological?  Is it the forced feminisation, and being ordered around.  Hmm, my mate Lucerne, who I was out with last night, wants to do a degree in sexology, no, seriously, and she may have a willing subject in me delving into what makes that side of me tick.  I think it may be fascinating.

But thinking, thinking hurts and can sometimes be dangerous.  Eh, fuck it.  Just do what feels good.  Just do what feels right.  Just enjoy life, and try not to hurt others.  And concentrate on those that make you feel special.

Getting rid of the fears, the self doubts, the recriminations, the drama the last few months has done me the world of good.  I recommend it.

Blah, I wasn't trying to go all inspirational here, it just happened.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Five Bar, Highgate

Is a Highgate fave
Friend thought hipster?  Not really
It is near Lawley

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Trash Television

Year One, Snakes on a Plane, and Tron Legacy this weekend.  At least with the latter, Olivia Wilde with a bob hair cut and skin tight clothing was a win.  Needed a dose of trash and no thinking after the drama llama issues of the week.  That would be a good name for a cafe or bar, actually, Drama Llama lol.  Maybe somewhere near politicians, to make the sarcasm less biting (for the rest of the population, I mean).

Anyways, another lovely day, spent with the lovely Roma and Jacksonville.  I've got Roma all enthused about hip hop karaoke on Thursday at the Bird.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to go, because of a prior engagement, but Roma said she will go all gangsta, and I can see her singing Missy Elliot or Mary J Blige.  We had lunch and then a drink, and she bought me SHOES for my BIRTHDAY.  Doc Marten boots, with a Hieronymous Bosch art print on it.  They so PRETTY.

Yes, I do realise I was just capitalising, about shoes.  Eh, it's good to have the finer things in life sometimes.  And Roma is wanting to travel to Melbourne with me later in the year, even to be a plane buddy.  I have never had a plane buddy who wasn't a family member before.  I'm quite taken with the idea.

We get on so freaking well.  Quote of the day, from me, was, if we ignore it, it will just go away.  With a huge smile on both our faces.  And without actually clarifying what it is that we are avoiding.

Then on to Jacksonville, who was just a bit tired and sick for company actually.  But was about the only spare slot I had for visiting her this week.

Haikus, huh?

Two40three, Morley

Reasonable price
Rib sauce finger licking good
A good lunch option

Brass Monkey, Northbridge

Central location
Perfectly acceptable
Balcony views great

And we won't even mention how Arsenal's season has imploded.  Gah.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

When Social Media Goes Nuts

Well, not the most nuttiest social media has ever gotten, but a particular website I frequent, which, to be honest, has the majority of my friends and contacts on it, has descended into a lot of vitriol over the last couple of weeks.  Friend in Brisbane asked what was going on, as she was curious, in a mischievous way, and I sent her the following summary.

(It's easier than putting my brain through thinking about it again.  Maybe later, but just not at the moment please)

So, where to start.

A guy got banned from the bar where the munches are held.  Apparently this was because of three reports of predatory behaviour on his part, leaving with drunk young women.

Then another Fetster, who is a lawyer, asked the venue to back up their decision with evidence.  Which apparently licensed venues in WA don't have to give.  The lawyer dude then posted about this on Fet saying that the community needs to protect itself from this sort of thing.  Ninety percent of the replies to his public post were of the order that girls need to protect themselves from creepy predators, and lawyer dude closed the thread.

Then somone else posted a thread about all the drama, and called it *the ugly perth*.  Very loaded title, in my opinion.  Then, rather than the primary issue being debated, a guy called a girl a lying cunt of a whore, that girl's partner defended her, saying he wanted to punch the other guy's lights out, and there was apparently uber amounts of miscommunication and misunderstanding for the previous few months that led to all this.

Basically, people were making the issue all about them, in fucking public, and getting various forms of passive aggressive about it all.  Including two of my better friends being on opposite sides of the trenches.  Me being Switzerland and all.

Then lawyer dude pipes back up saying he wants to start a new munch, so that the guy banned from pub one has something to go to.  On the exact same day and time as the regular munch, and in the same suburb even.  Cue another set of outrage and division and argument and all.

I think I saw the word splitism and elitist in there.  Go the Chinese Communist phrasing and all.

And finally (so far) last night another person posts a why can't we all get along thread.  And even that got derailed spectacularly, again, with people making it about themselves and taking things far too personally.

Along with all sorts of drama and backbiting that I've only seen on the periphery of what I know is going on.

Fun times are here again lol.

New Haiku for the Week

Baby Mammoth, Northbridge

Best calamari
Staff informative, friendly
Malva cake awesome

Connections Nightclub, Northbridge

Tasty cocktails
Great view of city from deck
Has pretty decor

Chiquis Tapas & Tequila, Leederville

Is cheap and cheerful
Hot sauce actually hot
Generous servings

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

A Rare Night Home

Wanting to write something profound tonight, but I'm coming up a bit blank.  Was a rather intense flame war on a social media website I keep an eye on, involving a couple of friends on opposite sides of the trenches.  This close, this damn close to cut and pasting my writings on that site, and taking a long term break from it.  The important people I have on Facecrack or on my phone, the rest, I can make smiley face with sufficiently well.  If I have to.

Alfred's Kitchen from last night -

Best burgers in Perth
A food tourist attraction
In and of itself

Post script, nom nom nom lol.

Oh, and realised on Sunday that as much time as I have spent with Roma over the last two or three years, I hadn't actually given her much of the before Perth story.  Which surprised me, I am sure I have gotten drunk and maudlin with her several times in the past, and me maudlin is usually me talking about the exes who wanted me to be an Alpha Male.  Bwahahahahaha.  Yeah, as if THAT was ever going to happen.

So I could write about my pre Perth dating life.  Or I could write about Perth and the veritable novel of experiences I've had here.  Hmm, a plethora of choice.  And I can't think of anything clearly enough to start.

It's been quite a meh day.