Two Eighty

Planning a picnic for tomorrow.  Getting a nice white wine to accompany the food.

Two Seventy Nine

Sleeping on a Saturday until 4pm lol.

Two Seventy Eight

Breasts.

Need I say more lol.

Two Seventy Seven

Flowers.  On a Friday.  The red seems redder than normal.  Is it due to the chill overnight, or the rain that freshened the plant life up.  No matter, either way the world seems lovely today.  As I start humming the Bear Necessities lol.

Two Seventy Six

Public Art Of The Week: Old Phone Booths Converted Into Goldfish Aquariums

http://www.architizer.com/en_us/blog/dyn/52595/public-art-of-the-week-old-phone-booths-converted-into-aquariums/

Those crazy Japanese.  Came across this on Flipbook and it just made me smile, and I think even laugh out loud :-)

Cute!

Two Seventy Five

xkcd 1110

I always get xkcd and Cyanide and Happiness mixed up, but they are both brill.  And the imagination shown in the link above blows my mind.

Awesome.

Two Seventy Four

Last night.  Quality time.  I was going over so she could go out, but it didn't quite work out that way.  She has been edgy for about a week, and couldn't contemplate leaving the house.

But somehow last night, while I was there, the edge came off, and she relaxed.  Maybe it was the classical music she was watching on YouTube, maybe it was that she was ready for company again.

Whatever it was, it was nice.  Really nice.

Two Seventy Three

Tasting home made cooking.  Well, baking.  Being taken back to my childhood, eating hot biscuits straight out of the oven.

Back before my life got complicated and stressful.  Somewhat fitting that I recall that time now, when I am in the place that feels most safe, that feels most like home in my adult life.

Gonna have a Team America style montage now, to the Gunners Sweet Child Of Mine.  LOL.

Two Seventy Two

Nature is awesome - Grand Falls in Arizona

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151167282579394&set=a.390790484393.166300.35974999393&type=1&relevant_count=1

I WISH I could take photos that are this good lol.  But it is fabulous to look at.

Two Seventy One

Mountain biking Afghanistan

http://matadornetwork.com/sports/crossing-afghanistans-panjshir-valley-by-bike/

Or, if I sign up to a cycling blog, surely that will mean I don't have to go to the gym.  And look, Afghanistan from a different angle.

Two Seventy

You may have noticed, dear reader, that there have been less posts the last week or so.  This is not because I have been in a non happy spot (though I was exhausted on Monday), but merely been busy.  Or easily distracted.

Have found an aggregator app which has actually found real writers, real journalism and all the rest.  So have gotten into reading again, and quality reading.

Which is a win.

And I am of course scoping out the photography options on that app, best photography on the net and all.

Had a thought earlier that reading and adding some of the photos from the app may be a good idea here, because they do make me happy.

Two Six Nine

Leather pants on a random girl this morning lol.  Or the scarf on another girl that had more fabric on it than the rest of her clothing put together.

Two Six Eight

Getting enthused enough with my flower photography to enter a competition being run by the Botanic Gardens almost at the last minute.  And not even taking a second glance at the actual prize, more important getting my work 'recognised' than actually winning a prize.

And that, in a nutshell, is why I will never go pro with my camerawork.  Happy enough to give it away for free lol.

Two Six Seven

The confidence to make cracks such as the following -

'But babe, the sky IS blue!'

'Yes I know it is, but I don't want to admit it yet!!'

Lol.

Two Six Six

Love this photo, so much.  Wish it was one of mine (it's not).  Remembrance days aren't always sunny.

Two Six Five

Word of the day - quaffed lol.

Two Sixty Four

Coffee.  The magic elixir.

Two Six Three

Photography on Sunday.  Good company.  Lovely wildflowers (even though we were in the Botanic Gardens and not the actual, you know, wilds).

The orange juice with sooo much sugar in it.  The fact that I seemed to be the leader of the expedition.  Which was surprising, people looking to me for direction lol.

Two Six Two

The headline -

Monofail.

Apparently Sydney's monorail system is having a rescue operation after a breakdown.  Wonder if Homer Simpson was at the controls lol.

Two Six One

No, not having a bad time or a sulk or anything.  Just have hit the line differentiating busy versus exhausted, and feeling ill into the mix.  Will catch up on the moments of happy from yesterday and today soon.

Okay, will give something briefly.  The toddler in the pram giggling at a pigeon pottering around the train platform approximately three minutes ago.  Cute.

Two Sixty

Last night, the friend I hadn't seen for about fifteen months, within two minutes of her coming into the pub, her top button popping open giving a view of the bra lol.

Hahaha, fifteen months ago that likely would have made me blush, but, as her sister discovered last month, these are not the droids you are looking for anymore lol.

Two Five Nine

We couldn't have picked a much better September day to go up to the Botanic Gardens lol.

Two Five Eight

This music selection tonight.  Soundgarden, Rage Against The Machine, Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails.  Wow wow wow.

Two Five Seven

Had a great night with the girls.  Fabulous in fact.  And the tourist loves the city so far, more so than her current place of residence.  It won't take too much convincing to get her over here.

And my news and stuff continues to wow them both.  They thought when I left our previous city, that I was going to settle into domestic bliss, and boredom.  Hasn't quite worked out that way.  Not by a long shot.

And they were both uber happy to see me.  And complimented my shirt, as well as two complete strangers.  Was absolutely great and a bundle of laughs.

Totally going to catch up with them as much as poss while the tourist is in town.

Two Five Six

Mention in a moment of the night I had, the fabulous night, but just a quick mention of getting home, turning on the TV, and Nick Cave and PJ Harvey singing.

OMG and now it is Tori Amos, Professional Widow.  I love love love this song.

Two Five Five

Waiting for the girls I am catching up with tonight to turn up at selected pub.  Eye candy until they turn up is a party of girls, dress up theme of cabin crew lol.  Short skirts, obviously.

Chelsea v Stoke doesn't have a chance against them lol.

Two Five Four

One of the good things about living by oneself?  When you buy a whole chicken from the supermarket, no arguments about how to share the wings and legs out.

Two Five Three

The two doves that have made the trees around my courtyard - well, carpark - their home for the spring.

Two Five Two

The type of day you can just relax into and not do anything with.  Though scoping out the Apps Store, in detail, is a very constructive use of time...

Two Five One

Great company, great food, lovely service, and my seat angled the correct way to have cute, nay, hot women in my field of vision.  Other than tonight's friend, I mean, who is hot enough herself hehehe.

Two Fifty

Wry grin ahead.

'If I was really that bad, why did America re-elect me'

Or, the only thing worse than seeing this guy's book in the store, other than Gordon Brown's and John Howard's next to it, is the fact that the Fifty Shades trilogy is at the top three on the bestsellers at the moment.

Aargh opening up at random page and reading The Contract clauses, nooo!

Two Four Nine

Red tailed black cockatoos this morning.  Rainbow lorikeets this evening.  Both breeds of bird are gorgeous.

Two Four Eight

To still be shiny happy about a party that was almost twenty four hours ago, it must have been a great party.  And it was.  Much gratitude to the organisers.

Two Four Seven

Street art, graffiti, whatever you call it, it makes me happy.  It is (usually) creative.  And being happy is working for me.

Two Four Six

The way the cloud and rain interplay, with the sunlight against the city windows on picture above.

Two Four Five

Me - 'I am happy, I am glowing.'

Friend, in reply to the above - 'you are pregnant.'

Lol.

Two Four Four

The multiple times last night of hugging friends.  Either one on one, or in multiples lol.  And the times where I had a friend in each arm, not to the point of hugging, but just lovely and close and nice.

Two Forty Three

The comfort level last night.  Seeing my friends let down a lot of protective walls and just relax.  Which, for some of my friends, requires a superhuman effort in itself.

Two Forty Two

Music selection this morning; Queer by Garbage, and Freedom 90 by George Michael.

Yes, I was dancing by myself to the latter lol.

Two Four One

That was, as the kids say nowadays, amazeballs.  Definitely going next month.

And catching up with friends, in our 'natural environment', always a win.

Two Four Zero

I haven't been this excited in I don't know how long.  Or it could just be lack of food and an oncoming fainting spell lol.

Two Three Nine

A guy on a busy train, young, twenty something, offering his seat to a woman.  And, even though this may sound bad, not a pretty thin young thing either.

Manners aren't dead lol.

Two Three Eight

Flirting with a friend.  On the outer edges of what flirting actually means, even in these days of the interwebz.

*wicked evil grin*

Two Three Seven

Coffee first thing in the morning.  That caffeine buzz, moreso than any amount of soft drink can give.

Added to my general mood of happiness today.  'Fancy dress' party tonight.  Hooray!

Two Three Six

Sometimes there are just posters or advertising that I love.  This is actually advertising summer fashion.

Two Three Five

We all love bikini billboards, don't we?  No, what actually caught my eye on this in the first place was the 'I heart SF'.  Not the bikini bottoms.  Really truly.

Two Three Four

Calling her just as I walked past a cheese company truck, with spotted dairy cow design and the personalised plate, 'camembert'.

And when discussing this with her, she thought I had ring her because of cheese, rather than the coincidence it was.  And she couldn't stop laughing.

Which is always good.

Two Thirty Three

Milla Jovovich blowing shit up in one of the Resident Evil movies.

The new Carlton Draught ad.  And that car ad that does the take off of Queen's I Want to Break Free.  Mmm.  Simple, but it has me smiling.

Two Thirty Two

Child One suggesting to go to the shower without being prodded, pushed, poked or pulled through the bathroom door.

Colour me astonished.  Lol.

Two Thirty One

Watching The Simpsons with Child Two.  Sometimes its the simple pleasures.

Two Thirty

A friend, on the other side of the country, getting a promotion she is all excited about.  Is lovely to see her as excited as she is.

Two Two Nine

Georges Seurat - Eiffel Tower, 1889

Not the greatest fan of Seurat or pointillism, but this piece is fantastic.  Not really a great fan of Le Tour Eiffel itself, but have a deep and abiding love of all things Parisian.

Funny thing is, as a teenager, I always thought I would dislike France.

Two Two Eight

Another F Scott Fitzgerald quote, that speaks to me -

'It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.'

As autocorrect tried to make that a 'day worth licking' which made me grin.  It is ALL about making each day worth living...

Two Two Seven

Quote of the day -

'I love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything.'

F Scott Fitzgerald

Two Two Six

The sway of hips.  Accentuated by the short skirt and the knee high boots.  Lol.

Two Two Five

Communication with friends.  Simple, obvious perhaps, but something to always appreciate.

Two Two Four

Saying to my body, dammit with the excessive amount of sugar in it, today I am going to grab a *real* extra sugar added iced coffee lol.

Two Twenty Three

Keep people in your life who

- love you,
- motivate you,
- encourage you,
- inspire you,
- enhance you, or
- make you happy.

If you have people who do none of the above, let them go.

Two Two Two

The happiness and, dare I say, excitement involved in organising people for a road trip next weekend.  I think that is related to the fact that it will be a photography expedition and it will be with friends.

Two Two One

The sense of utter happiness and freedom I had yesterday, when, overdrawn on both my *real* and credit card accounts, I just had enough cash on me to buy something for dinner, and the change I got back, I put in the charity box.

Money don't matter tonight indeed.

I probably do overspend, but I generally enjoy myself heaps while doing so.

FYI, I did get paid overnight lol.

Two Twenty

The Four Agreements.  Which is apparently a book, but was fine when I saw it as a Facebook post.

Be impeccable with your word - speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don't take anything personally - nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't make assumptions - find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always do your best - your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.

Two One Nine

Planning a road trip.  To see flowers.

So Alpha Male of me lol.

Two Eighteen

The headline on website -

'Viking ship spotted off remote NT island'

Drilling down into the story it is (of course) a replica.  Slow news day.

Two Seventeen

Her sleepy voice.

Though I didn't mean to wake her.

Two Sixteen

A discussion at work about the innate sexism of customers.  The fact that when they talk to a guy, they seem to be easier to deal with (or so the girls in the office said).

Feeling promoted when referred to as a Man lol.  And a flash to Old Spice guy.

'I'm on a horse.'  Lol.

Two Fifteen

Toblerone.  That is all lol.  Yes, I know it shouldn't be breakfast, but hey I will claim it was emergency lol.

Two Fourteen

Socialising enough that the locals are starting to ask me where to eat, drink or enjoy lol.  Finding new bars or restaurants is always fun.

Two Thirteen

Sleep, glorious sleep.

Two One Two

Being called on the phone by her.  Another friend asking when I am free to catch up.

Usually it is me who makes calls or pre plans the entire week in advance.

Two Eleven

The sense of relief in getting back to home base after a very exhausting day.  I can fall asleep if I need to.

Two Ten

Getting my volunteer job.  That wasn't so hard after all the stressing.  And such a sense of accomplishment.

Two Oh Nine

'Summer time, and the living is easy...'

Two Oh Eight

Seeing my friends.  A million hugs (well, not quite, but lots).  Introducing a relatively new friend to the city to my larger group of mates.

Great conversations.  Sinking a ball while playing pool, although to be honest, my partner had already sunk the black and lost us the game.

The connections I have made here, in such a short span of time.

Two Oh Seven

Lovely sunny weather.  A flashmob style crowd, dancing in the street (well, pedestrian square).  The waves of sheer happiness coming off both the dancers and audience.

A good day to be alive.

Two Oh Six

A beautiful summer's day.  And the onset of summery clothes lol.

Two Oh Four

The comfort levels I have around my friends.

Two Oh Three

Feeling proud of myself for getting a friend of mine home safely.  She had gotten smashed, and I took care of her.

Two Oh Two

One of my female friends scoping for panty lines on other girls.  She guessed they were all wearing gstrings lol.

Two Oh One

Quality time with a couple of good friends.  A quality venue.

Two Hundred

A hug from my best friend.

One Nine Nine

The hemline on the girl opposite on the train.

One Nine Eight

That midnight blue of the sky just before full on dark.  Though it is blimmin difficult to capture well on the camera.

One Nine Six

One of those days where you can just breathe out, relax and just centre yourself.

One Nine Seven

Vanilla milkshakes.  Nom.

One Ninety Six

'Window shopping' onto the street from a Mexican restaurant, while drinking margaritas, and listening to David Bowie and The Kinks.  Talking to last night's friend about a photoshoot we are planning.  One of those 'moments' to savour.  Last night's (female) friend commenting on the girls on the street more than me lol.

Then heading to a Spanish style cafe for hot chocolate and churros.

And ending up in a sex shop, the two of us catching up with another friend who works there.  Being tied up with rope, for the first time ever, straitjacket style.  Feeling surprisingly blissy.

The evening, along with the dinner before the margaritas, being one of the best Friday nights I have had in a long time.

One Ninety Five

Actually not sure whether it is a positive or not, but that familiar smoke filled sky which, in the evening, warps the sunlight somehow.

The colour of the sky is pretty.  The fact that it is bushfire season, less so.

One Nine Four

An unexpected theatre invite.  Being interested in culture may have actually perhaps have paid off lol.

One Nine Three

Being called a best friend.  Unexpectedly.  Made me smile when I did the double take online realising this friend meant me.

One Nine Two

You know you are a regular at the new cafe when the proprietor comments about how good yesterday's shirt looked.

In hindsight, I am wondering whether I blushed.

One Ninety One

I totally aced that interview.  I mean, I probably could have been perfect and a robot, but I wouldn't have been me.

Their final words to me "it looks very good from our side."

One Ninety

So this is what feeling proud of oneself feels like.  Wow...

One Eight Nine

The restorative power of a mango passionfruit smoothie.  Nom nom nom.

One Eighty Eight

A random girl this morning.  And just how her jeans fit her so well.  Lol.

One Eighty Seven

Being complimented on almost always wearing nice shirts by person A.  Person B commenting she has never seen me in 'dress down' mode.

I take care of how I present myself in social encounters.  Though I do have more than enough daggy clothes to either wander around the house or go to shopping malls or supermarkets in.

One Eight Six

A woman talking to me at the bus stop.  The wind coming from her direction, her sweet perfume crossing the distance between us.

One Eight Five

The question, going home after baking cake or before?  Which is basically the same as do you want to spend more or less time around me.

And then my rejoinder in the car, after she said have a good night.  Me saying the best part of it has already happened.  Sickly but heartfelt and honest.  Her going awww.

Talking, really talking, about some of the serious stuff.  Me deserving better than I am getting, apparently.

Warm fuzzies.  The feeling of Home that she is.

One Eight Four

Tina Turner auditioning for Thunderdome Two.

One Eighty Three

The message on the card -

"When the revolution comes, we could be a sniper team!

"It would be fun... us lying in the grass, you whispering coordinates.

"Come on, you always say we should get together more."

One Eighty Two

Coming over.  And my poster finally arriving.  And the child asking me what language he should choose next year.

And even though she is frazzled five ways and three types of tired, I feel treated to be in her presence.

And she liked the card I got.  Winning.

One Eighty One

Magenta shirt, pink tie today.  Friend said that tie was okay, but could have also worked with a white tie.  Maybe also a hat.  Feeling very Duran Duran.  Or at least one of their music videos, perhaps Girls on Film?

As my mind drifts back fifteen hours or so.  Hehehe.

One Eighty

Fancy patterns in the coffee.  My lunch buddy was thinking the barista was showing off lol.

One Seven Nine

A perfect blue sky.  Breath taking.

One Seventy Eight

A girl's dress blowing up in the wind.

Call me shallow lol.

One Seventy Seven

Wicked evil grin.  At what I allow my friends to do to me.  Was fun.  Though I was hardly anywhere near my emotional limits.

Not sure whether that last sentence is tinged with disappointment or relief lol.

Ah well, endorphin highs, always great.

One Seven Six

David Byrne, of Talking Heads, had a song in his solo career called Girls.  Or was it Girls Girls Girls?

Anyways, apart from the obvious of her whom I love, and her who will be doing naughty things to me in the very near future, and the various hers I have as friends, would just like to note the her on the train with the shorts and stockings.

The her on the train that had shorts and no stockings.  Mmm bare legs.

And the her at the supermarket, she of the cute eyes and cue smile.

You have to appreciate the small things while waiting for the tsunami of emotion the potential big things entail.

One Seven Five

The care and, dare I say, concern in my two besties' conversations today.  Yes I will be as safe as I can be.

The frisson of excitement, of danger, is that I have been well inside my boundaries the last few weeks.  Tonight I will bash against them.  Potentially break through in a few spots.

One Seven Four

The excitement for what may happen tonight.  Combined with a fair bit of trepidation, and dare I say, fear.

Am wanting to test my boundaries, but wondering whether I will be taken too far, whether I will be able to realise before I get broken.

Whether I will be able to say no to something that takes it too far.  Or whether I will be too caught up in the moment to notice or care.

And wondering whether this is an ANT or something that I need to focus on further.

One Seven Three

In an 'Elton John' mood.  For about the first time since 1991.  Don't Go Breaking My Heart, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Your Song.

And I almost teared up to the latter.  Well, that is one particular debate over surely, doing that yo an Elton John song.  No, I didn't flap my hands to unfluster myself lol.

And no, you can't then say you like Nelly's Hot in Herre to make 'hetero points' back up. Hahaha.

One Seven Two

Eating ice cream right from the tub.  Dancing by myself to Jump Around, House of Pain, and Paradise City, the Gunners.  Something that I wouldn't do if I had company lol.

One Seventy One

The realisation that I have enough friends close enough to me, in both location and fitting as a friendship wise, to easily see them once every four weeks and not have a night at home.  Or perhaps every six weeks.  Not even taking into consideration weekends, bank holidays and annual leave lol.

I'm such a slut lol.

One Seventy

Quote of the Day...

'Respect yourself enough to walk away from  anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.'

Robert Tew

One Sixty Nine

The soundtrack of last night.  Tears of a Clown, What's Going On, Papa Was A Rolling Stone.  Someone had their Best of Motown happening.

One Six Eight

The last beer for the night.  At what may become my local.

The buzz of conversation.  Stevie Wonder Signed Sealed Delivered on the radio.  Tamara de Lempicka on the wall.

Nice...

One Sixty Seven

Beer, at a burger bar.  It just makes so much sense.

One Six Six

Her offering a body part for me to eat an olive off.  God my life is good at the moment.

One Six Five

Opening the water bottle, and saying I feel like an alpha male.

One of tonight's friends saying, honey, at this table, you are.

One Six Four

Going into a music shop, selling CDs, and an independent book store.  Both for about the first time in a millennia - or so it seems.

One Sixty Three

My city, at sunset.

Although I have only been a short time here, this place feels like home in ways nowhere else in my adult life has felt.

Whether that is because of my friends and associates here, or because I am comfortable in my own skin(finally!), or a combination of both or something else entirely.  This is Home.

One Sixty Two

The phrase 'no harm, no foul'.  Rather than focussing on what might have or what could go wrong, just believing that it is alright until told otherwise.

One Sixty One

This headline -

'France's richest man applies to be a Belgian'

Funny.

One Sixty

The red and orange and white colour combination on a dress that caught my eye.  The girl in it was cute, but it was the dress that caught my eye.

One Five Nine

The dark chocolate colour of skin on an African woman who passed me on the street before.

One Fifty Eight

Texting with friends on a Monday morning.  One of the few things that can make me smile before I have a coffee on Mondays.

One Fifty Seven

An interstate friend visiting.  Whose sister has said to expect a very different me from how I was in the olden days.

Grinning.

One Fifty Six

The joy of a working television.  With a Nigella Lawson interview tonight.  And The Mummy.  As I grin about Rachel Weisz.

One Fifty Five

The colour combination or contrast here between the green of the leaves and the blue (and white) of the sky.  Pretty.

One Five Four

The curves and streamlines of a classic car.  As above.

One Five Three

Sitting on the front porch, resting up and having a restful time.  Was awesome.

One Fifty Two

Wrestling with the dog while brushing her.  Someone making a joke that the only way I wouldn't get hair all over myself was to strip down to my boxers.  The half second thought of doing so lol.

One Five One

The two cats curled up.  Before older child started annoying them.

One Fifty

TJ Hooker.  Not only due to Shatner's wooden acting, but seriously, so freaking funny.

One Forty Nine

Lazy Sunday morning of channel flicking.  With the cat curled up on me.

With the kids pottering around, and with her having a good morning elsewhere.  The whole thing is comfort levels of the highest degree.

Don't know why exactly, but it just is.

One Forty Eight

Making coffee for her.  Life is complete.  Life is simple.

One Forty Seven

Smiling, as I drift to sleep in the place I am most comfortable in the world.  First sleepover here since I moved out.  And being invited over later in the week.

Everything will work out.  Somehow.  It will.

And tomorrow morning, there may be...  coffee.

One Forty Six

The ease and comfort we all had having cake and frappe at the end of the night.  It could have been an ad for the restaurant chain we were in almost, at least the way I felt.

One Forty Five

The best seats to a footy match I have gotten ever.

And the best twenty seven minutes and fifty two seconds of sport I have seen in a long time.

Despite the lateness, it was an enjoyable time for all three of us.

One Forty Four

The fact that this is a small city.  In the fact that we could catch a train and switch to a taxi and get between dinner and sports in twenty five minutes.

Especially the case when we had misinterpreted kick off time, and were hella late.

One Forty Three

Going out for dinner with her and the child.  Nice and relaxed, and smiling and laughing and all.

One Forty Two

Lunch with today's friend.  Was lovely.  Definitely added that place to the 'come back again' list.

And the banter with today's friend.  And shopping with her.  Even though she wouldn't model a dress she liked for me, for 'aesthetic' reasons.  It started a whole funny line of conversation.

We are good for each other I think.

And her noticing how good I am with kids.

One Forty One

The conversation with another interstate friend last night, who is going through some stuff.  Listening to myself giving her advice, surprising myself how rational I was sounding.

How, umm, within myself I felt I was.  Usually, when friends have issues, I throw myself 300% into problem solving.  Last night didn't feel like that.

One Forty

The conversation this morning with an interstate friend.  She always cheers me up nowadays.

One Thirty Nine

Talking to her on the phone.  Hearing her voice.  Making a joke about my random neuroses.  And yes, I do believe there was even a flirt in the conversation.

The latter of which hasn't happened in a long, long, long time.  Well, between me and her I mean.

One Three Eight

How comfortable my bed is.  Will need to get couches delivered soon if I don't intend to make the bedroom the focus of my domestic existence.

One Three Seven

Television!

Just need screwdriver and aerial extension to make it, you know, work in the near future.

One Thirty Six

Even with the obvious disappointment of her cancelling on me - with fifteen minutes notice, mind you - even with that, there was no corollary of thinking it was in any way to do with me.  And hence it didn't lead to self doubt or self loathing or all those 'normal, regular' responses.
Well, not enough to give resistance to the rational part of me, which realised that thinking was only going on in my skull, and had no logical basis in the real world.

One Three Five

Yesterday's info journey.  From Marcus Aurelius to Commodus to the Year of Five Emperors to the Crisis of the Third Century.

Today it is Obama's speech in the news to Heights of Presidents to Millard Fillmore to the Compromise of 1850 to Dred Scott to obiter dictum.

Knowledge is everywhere.

One Thirty Four

Not having a meltdown when she expected me to.  Missing lunch, which, to be honest, would have been rushed, was more than made up with the option of a drink after work.  Should be relaxed, with a bit of alone time.

Why on earth did she expect me to have a meltdown with those options?

One Thirty Three

It's the small things sometimes.  The fact that, for dinner last night, at a table with two seats and a booth, last night's friend decided to join me on the booth side.  After I had sat down first.

Comfortable.  Something that I have not Always been around my friends.

One Thirty Two

^^This made me smile.  Pre-planning famous persons or events, in the tiles of the railway station.  This city is still very young.

One Three One

A beautiful day, beautiful architecture.  The socialising last night blew those negative cobwebs away, I had a pretty girl who was happy to be with me.

I can't stop smiling.

One Thirty

From panic attack to life of the party in one effortless step.  And it was a lovely evening.  And she enjoyed my company.

One Twenty Nine

Biting lip. I'm just having a heckuva load of fun.  Is a lovely night.

One Twenty Eight

Short skirt Without the long jacket.  Conflicted, she is a mate.  With a boy, FIFOing.

Raises eyebrow, quizzically.  And that is going to stop you.  How??

One Twenty Seven

Well, that was a confronting afternoon.  I almost had a panic attack even.  As she said, there can be bad days, even when you are being as positive as possible.

But now Irish friend and conversation.  And no, the Irish friend is not this (second) pint of Kilkennys.  Nom.

Needed this, after this arvo...

One Two Six

'When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.'

Marcus Aurelius

One Twenty Five

The American football season is underway.  I am more an ice hockey fan when it comes to North American sports, but with their football, what was the word I used about their politics?  For a sport, there is nothing like the spectacle of gridiron.

When I saw Dallas v Giants on the TV coming into work, all I wanted to do was sit down and watch for the next four hours.

One Two Four

The sun is shining, it is a glorious day weatherwise.

In the words of Cake, 'I want the girl with the short skirt and the longgggg jacket'.  Cute boots, red hair and a Home Counties English accent won't go far wrong, either.  As a girl of that exact description flitted into my life on the walk from train to office lol.

One Two Three

There is something about the Welsh accent, as I hear a couple of transit officers speak.

And I love how multicultural my current city is.  It's no London or New York, but I would be reaching to think of a race I haven't seen in the place.  First Nation North American perhaps?

I've always been enthusiastic about diversity.

One Twenty Two

Grinning at the fact my subconscious, via a dream this morning, placed me in my country of birth, many thousands of kilometres away from where I am currently based.  And in the army, no less lol.

You can take the boy out of country x, but you can't take country x out of the boy.

One Twenty One

Eating ice cream direct from the container.  Decadent, but it makes me grin.

One Twenty

The look that my boss gave me when she realised the reference I was asking for was for volunteer charity work.  Not that I am doing it for those kind of reasons of course, but it was a nice bonus.

One Nineteen

My insatiable thirst for knowledge.  Hence a news article about the Quebec provincial elections leads to googling the October Crisis, leads to the War Measures Act, leads to the Meech Lake Accord, and the separatist referendums, all before coming up for breath.

And yesterday's topic was the U2 spy planes, after a news article about the Global Hawk drones.

And the day before that was the Napoleonic Wars, due to a news article about the Borodino bicentenary.

I can't drag myself away from learning stuff I didn't know before.

One Eighteen

Wicked evil grins during phone conversations.  Because we all know how innocent I am.

One Seventeen

Her sounding happy, after what have apparently been a very tough few days.  Where she had basically retreated back to hibernation.

One Sixteen

Reading the Guardian live blog of the DNC.  Because even though their politics is corrupted by money, made insane by extremists and crippled by gridlock, there is no spectacle on Earth like American politics.

And, for my sins, I am addicted.

One Fifteen

An unexpected, but much appreciated, 'good morning!' email.  With exclamation marks and a smiley face.

One Fourteen

Car as art.

One Thirteen

Saying good morning to a person as I passed this morning.  Very random, but somewhat fulfilling.

One Twelve

The staff at the supermarket, having a conversation about how all their packing and stock boys all seem to be engineers.  Funny.

Milk, orange juice, ice cream.  The perfect shopping list.

One Eleven

See Entry 22, about Fifty Shades being at local supermarket.  Evidence above.

One Ten

A random smile at a stranger.  Because I could.

One Oh Nine

Us both mangling Boots are Made for Walking in our own ways.  And then the memory of Nancy Sinatra in a miniskirt and go-go boots.

One Oh Eight

The taste explosions in my mouth just at dinner before.  The lamb shank, yes, I expected that to be fab, but not the carrots or sweet potato.

And omg, best calimari I have tasted in, I think, ever.  This place has made the 'come back again' list.

One Oh Seven

The flat look tonight's (brunette) friend gave me when I ordered a Pure Blonde beer.  Hilarious.

One Oh Six

People watching.  From three stories up.  Don't even need to put sunglasses on to 'hide' lol.

One Oh Five

The name of the dessert menu lol.

One Oh Four

The adrenaline rush I get from helping people, even in the work environment.

One Oh Three

While waiting for this week's pay to appear, and for the moment at least being as broke as I have been in a long long time (thank you automatic credit card payment) thinking on my favourite Prince song, Money Don't Matter Tonight.

'It sure didn't matter yesterday, just when you think you got more than enough, that's when it all up and flies away, that's when you find you're better off making sure your soul's alright...'

One Oh Two

Finding out our work IT systems can do something new that we actually need.  Amazing.

One Oh One

Rainbow lorikeets.  They are pretty.

One Hundred

The growing feeling in the volunteer info session that I can do that job.  It will be challenging at times, but I can handle it.  The confidence flowing through me like an electric jolt.

Ninety Nine

The things I talk about with tonight's friend.  From sex with Shakira requiring a gyroscope, otherwise your bits might get broken in five places to supporting Gordon Brown.

And she just went squee to Eminem lol.

Ninety Eight

To take it back a peg from the last two posts, just the pride in attending this volunteer session.  The enthusiasm to help people, in the most altruistic way.

Ninety Seven

The realisation I am trying to resolve my issues in a positive fashion.  The fact that even though I have been open about everything to exes, besties, close friends and even too many mere acquaintances, before the last few months, before her, before growing as much as I have done around her...

Before the last few months it was tinged heavily with bitterness, shame and anger.  And this was to those I opened up to.

Pity my poor parents who I have never opened up to in that way, or, when I have, due to desperate circumstances, feeling forced to.

The anger, the shame, the bitterness in myself that I have kept coiled up for the better part of two decades.  How was I ever going to sort that out without seeking forgiveness from those most important to me??

We haz make progress?

Ninety Six

Her reaction to Entry 90.  The thought that I need to have a difficult, but potentially liberating conversation with my parents.  The fact that I am finally strong enough for it.

Until she said the phrase, I had no internal idea that this all may be related to the 'guilt I carry' from my lowest moments.  Through all of these intervening years.

We will continue this soon.  A shopping mall food court not the best place to analyse this particular ANT.

Ninety Five

The lights of the traffic reflected in rain.  The circular patterns made by raindrops in the puddles.  It evokes the atmosphere of noir.  Or an Impressionist artwork.

Or Batman's Killing Joke.

Ninety Four

Smiling at the enthusiasm a person I didn't really think I was all that close to has taken to the thought of a catch up on my interstate trip next month.

The fact of the interstate trip itself.

Ninety Three

Her being proud of me for actually applying to do this quite specialised charity work.

Ninety Two

The feeling of satisfaction when, in a bit of a chaotic work environment this morning, I helped manage to bring a sense of order to the office.

And letting the associated frustrations slide off me.

Ninety One

Being drizzled on, from the train station to the office.  Only a three minute walk or so, nothing too long.

Before you think that is a bit negative, it reminded me of my primary school years, where you got rained on and then could retreat to the warmth and comfort of the library.  Curling up in the cushions, next to the bar heater, losing myself in Asterix, Tintin, Doctor Who, The Hobbit or any number of imagined worlds.  Or chess gambits or military histories, on the non fiction side of things.

Ninety

Another ANT that came up over the weekend.  Trigger was feeling guilty at not being with Mum and Dad this weekend for Father's Day.  Which led to the feeling that I am a disappointment to them, that I will never make up for the disappointment I put them through when I was seventeen, having my *nervous breakdowns*.

My bestie told me that the whole thing of not being there for the parents was irrational, they wouldn't expect their adult children to live in their pockets forever.  That I am making my own life, and it is just the case that it is over the other side of the continent.  And that I myself had said earlier in the conversation that I don't put much store in the whole Mother's or Father's Day schtick - birthdays and Christmas far more important.
 
Which are all valid points.

As to the disappointing them thing, why am I still harking back to my lowest point almost twenty years ago, when, on my first trip to Europe a few years later, the parentals said they were so proud of me turning my life around.  Why don't I always remember that instead?  Especially as the card they got me for that trip has been an emotional lodestone I have kept close for all these years after.

No, I probably didn't disappoint them, I surely scared and terrified them at that time.  But they have been proud of me at least once since my first onset of depression, and probably a few more times as well.

They are happy with me.  That I seem to want to stay here five hours flight time away from them, even with all the ups and downs there have been.  As long as I keep in touch, and visit from time to time, I will likely never disappoint, scare or terrify them ever again.

Maybe the most rational and logical take on that ANT is that I miss them.  Which will be sorted by next month's visit.

Oh, and also one day I should have a talk with my parents, one that I have been putting off for decades.  And ask them the stuff I am constantly asking her, the do you love, are you proud and the rest.

Eighty Nine

The kids, enthusiastically talking about the all you can eat salad bar and all you can eat dessert menu at *branded buffet franchise*.  How awesome and amazing it will be the next time we have dinner out.

Remembering that as a kid myself I had the same sort of excitement about those deals from that chain of stores.  Grinning at the memory.

Eighty Eight

The realisation that she and I have reached a sense of equilibrium in whatever this is.  The feedback from the other side of an evening out I had earlier in the week, and someone feeling that she should have been outraged with what I was (apparently) saying.  But she wasn't.  Because I feel she understands me, or at least my point of view.

The quiet time after the children went to bed, not even needing to talk.  Me resting my head on her legs, and the dog coming over to lick my face.  Gales of laughter to that one.

Telling her that I'm her best friend, part of her inner support network, and that she is very important to me.

Having her open up in conversation to me more than she has in the recent past.

Eighty Seven

Getting an email I sent published in my favourite comic. 

Eighty Six

The realisation that me trying to ring my dad for Father's Day turned into that verse out of Cats in the Cradle, about the kids needing attention.  And they aren't even *my* kids lol.  Funny.

Eighty Five

Another pretty piece of architecture in the local area.

Eighty Four

Grinning at the irony of an Olde Worlde English Sweets store in a 21C shopping mall.  Though wandering around there did get the sweet tooth going.

Eighty Three

Happy helping out as I can.  Today this entails keeping an eye on the gremlins while she recharges her batteries as much as she can.

Eighty Two

The enthusiasm with which the dog greets me.  Followed not far behind by the enthusiasm of child two.  And the indifference of child one lol.

Eighty One

The power of a well timed smile.

Eighty

The beauty of a full moon.

Seventy Nine

A friend referencing A Clockwork Orange.

Seventy Eight

Jaffas at the cinema.  The trailers for Django Unchained and The Great Gatsby.  The fact that Total Recall was very much its own movie, rather than a trashing of the Arnie version.  But Bill Nighy as the resistance mastermind?  Really??

Seventy Seven

The crooked smile and nose piercing on the girl at the candy bar.  Some weird singalong moment to Pete Murray in the cinema while waiting for the reel to start.

The strange sense of self satisfaction that comes with going to the movies by yourself.  If that makes sense.

And hoping that this movie doesn't screw too much with a classic.

Seventy Six

^^This sign on a shoe shop window.

Think Andy Warhol had a quote similar.  Oh there it is - "I am a deeply superficial person.". I have that on a coffee mug, I think it is with my parents currently.

Seventy Five

Flamenco guitar.  Thinking it was the live entertainment in a bar, then walking past and realising it is an actual flamenco studio.  With the girls looking, well, Spanish or Argentinean, for want of a better descriptor.

Seventy Four

A friend, happy on the conversation on the phone.  When last time I had spoken to her she sounded somewhat stressed.

Seventy Three

The sense of relief after rushing around too much and rearranging plans so that you aren't rushing for the rest of the day.  Which kinda sorta accidentally developed into a mid afternoon nap.

Seventy Two

The awesomeness of a massage.  Apart from when her thumbs were digging into my right thigh.

And the associated post-massage haze.

Seventy One

Passing IKEA on my trip.  The fact that a friend thought of me when the IKEA catalogue arrived.  The memories - all pleasant - associated with my IKEA visits across three continents.

For being a weird Scandinavian multi national, the place certainly does a good job of making customers comfortable.

Seventy

The joy a toddler gets eating rice crackers, and exploring the rice cracker packet (in front of me on the train).

Sixty Nine

When that craving for orange juice the morning after the night before is quenched.

The word quench.

Sixty Eight

I wasn't yesterday morning, but this morning I was in a flower photography frame of mind.

Gorgeous.

Sixty Seven

The best conversation I have had with her all week.  She has (obviously) noticed my effort and improvement in all this, and she sounded proud of me.  Which made me glow.

And, her laughter.  As always with me.

Sixty Six

A conversation with an interstate friend I care heaps for.

Sixty Five

Out longer than I anticipated last night.  Drinking, dancing, socialising, smiling.  With an interstate friend sending flirty messages.  It was fun.

An ANT is creeping up on me though, what if I did something the girls didn't like?  Inebriated blurs aren't always benign.  Will figure that out if it crops up, and not before.  According to my recollection, it was a lovely evening.  And that's what I will work with unless something happens to make me think otherwise.