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Warning - Adult Content

I took a bit of a break from social media recently.  Oh, I was still constantly on Facebook and Fet, but I was just observing, on silent running as it were. I was just laying low, recharging the batteries, and decluttering.  It had been a rather busy start to the year.

And a thing happened.  The more I bit my tongue from commenting, or posting about my day, or avoiding posting photos - the last of which probably the hardest, I love my photography - the more I was doing all that, the less I felt the need to.

The more I felt I could do things on my terms, perhaps.  Helped that during my 'break' I was reading all sorts of strong motivationals.  Not to go into great detail, but mostly extensions of the 'I do what I want' thinking.

Believe it or not, I do a lot of reading on Fet.  And I'm realising a lot of what I read isn't healthy for me.  In the long term at least.  There are a lot of things around here that -

a) make me doubt my submissiveness;

b) make me doubt my abilities in regards to sex;

c) make me doubt my masculinity, and, associated with this, my attractiveness to the opposite sex and relationships and all that jazz;

d) make me doubt my abilities as a writer.

With the last one, I see so many good pieces where people can talk and write about relationships and associated topics in such depth and so well, and I feel the topics I can write about well are all related to depression in one form or another.  Sometimes I wish I could offer the wider Fet community better writing on better topics.

Though the last paragraph in itself is a perfect example of what I shouldn't be doing.  Comparing myself to others, in a negative manner.

What I do well in life, I do really well.  I am happy with how things are going probably 95 percent of the time.  Which is a good ratio.  My close friends enjoy my company, and accept me for me, flaws and all.  Over the last two years especially, I have surrounded myself with some fabulous people, whose company I enjoy in return, and whom I don't have to put on any kind of act with.

As for the doubts raised by reading too much on Fet, I've got a whole suite of those in my own head, I don't need external encouragement, as it were.  I'm probably actually not going to read any less than I have been, to be honest, but my filters will be reset, and my general care factors will likely decrease.

I'm perfectly strong and capable in myself the vast majority of the time.  I am good enough to attract a wide range of wonderful people into my life.  And as for that five percent weakness?  I don't need to let social media and the wider world in at those times, basically.

Roll on 2014.