2001
- Talking it up before getting over there;
- Concern about a male friend she stayed with, confrontational email conversation, what if?
- Travelling time thirty hours, via London;
- Dumped within five minutes of arrival;
- Feeling of shock;
- Can we at least sleep together, no;
- Slept in an adjacent room, could not go to sleep, one of the longest nights of my life;
- Took sleeping pills for rest of time there;
- Apologetic, okay, it's over, but let's enjoy this as much as possible;
- Kept myself together while on 'holiday', barely;
- Very twilight zone feeling, grey, drab winter, and feeling of loss, dislocation;
- $200 worth of birthday presents, I still gave them to her, stupid;
- Did some tourism stuff, but all overlayed with sense of shock, loss, dread;
- Utter devastation on trip home, and on return;
- Black period of life ensued.
- Apologetic;
- Compromising;
- Stressed;
- Tried to keep lid on emotions;
- Tried to force degree of comfort back into friendship, relationship, for example, touching, hugging, sharing personal space.
2003
- Her reading my email account and the relationship almost breaking up the day before I had a job interview;
- Pressure of not being able to work while my finances were deteriorating;
- Feeling a lack of emotional support;
- Arguing, patching things up, but never actually resolving anything;
- Moving into a new house, more a sense of 'our' house than hers, although still a feeling of not doing my bit;
- Going out maybe once or twice a week, a lot of time on computer, a lot of time talking to friends;
- Weekends usually good, we went out and did things together;
- Always almost going home, changing times and dates;
- Delay in work permit, argument over phrasing in an email 'self sabotage', sent application to wrong consulate;
- December one argument too many, made plans to leave;
- Will I or won't I leave, still unresolved until I got to airport, got out of car.
- Withdrew into myself;
- Was submissive in most arguments;
- Constantly flip flopped on decisions, frustrating everyone I knew, especially the morning of my flight out of town;
- Sneaky, made plans without telling people;
- Perhaps happy and unhappy 15% of the time each, rest of time mostly a sense of flatness.
2007?
- Talking it up before getting over there;
- Concern about a male friend she stayed with, confrontational email conversation, what if?
- Travelling time thirty hours, via London;
- Dumped within five minutes of arrival;
- Feeling of shock;
- Can we at least sleep together, no;
- Slept in an adjacent room, could not go to sleep, one of the longest nights of my life;
- Took sleeping pills for rest of time there;
- Apologetic, okay, it's over, but let's enjoy this as much as possible;
- Kept myself together while on 'holiday', barely;
- Very twilight zone feeling, grey, drab winter, and feeling of loss, dislocation;
- $200 worth of birthday presents, I still gave them to her, stupid;
- Did some tourism stuff, but all overlayed with sense of shock, loss, dread;
- Utter devastation on trip home, and on return;
- Black period of life ensued.
- Apologetic;
- Compromising;
- Stressed;
- Tried to keep lid on emotions;
- Tried to force degree of comfort back into friendship, relationship, for example, touching, hugging, sharing personal space.
2003
- Her reading my email account and the relationship almost breaking up the day before I had a job interview;
- Pressure of not being able to work while my finances were deteriorating;
- Feeling a lack of emotional support;
- Arguing, patching things up, but never actually resolving anything;
- Moving into a new house, more a sense of 'our' house than hers, although still a feeling of not doing my bit;
- Going out maybe once or twice a week, a lot of time on computer, a lot of time talking to friends;
- Weekends usually good, we went out and did things together;
- Always almost going home, changing times and dates;
- Delay in work permit, argument over phrasing in an email 'self sabotage', sent application to wrong consulate;
- December one argument too many, made plans to leave;
- Will I or won't I leave, still unresolved until I got to airport, got out of car.
- Withdrew into myself;
- Was submissive in most arguments;
- Constantly flip flopped on decisions, frustrating everyone I knew, especially the morning of my flight out of town;
- Sneaky, made plans without telling people;
- Perhaps happy and unhappy 15% of the time each, rest of time mostly a sense of flatness.
2007?
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