Title today is because I went to the third therapist in my life on Monday. Version 1.0 was the child and family psychiatrist who I'm sure I tormented a bit during the suicide watch year, 1993 - being the typical teenage pain in the backside, adults don't understand me schtick. Second attempt was for about four or five appointments after coming back from Train Wreck Canada, but I wasn't working then, and didn't want to spend too much of my parents' money.
Therapy 3.0 has started because of the fainting spell or seizure or whatever you want to call it last month, and because the doc suggested it may have been anxiety. Am willing to get some help regards the anxiety stress and all the rest, and had a good session the other day. I just totally opened up about everything, which, even with my best friends and family, I am somewhat loth to do nowadays - if loth is the right word, and the right spelling.
From the whole falling over at work embarrassment, to my avoidance of commitment in any current relationship, to suicide watch 1993, to the whole Canada thing, which, to be honest, I try to blank out, to being teased as a short, bespectacled foreigner at high school, to the fact that I have never 'dated' anyone locally. And only the briefest touch against the whole adoption thing, and no mention at all of what my mother suggested as an issue, That Internet Thing.
The psych seemed nice enough, probably my age or perhaps a bit older or younger, and prodded me occasionally with questions to make me think of issues from a different viewpoint - not too often because I was off and away with venting central. He said I wasn't as mixed up as I liked to think I am, and also that I have put a lot of thought into what I think my issues are - failure, rejection - always thinking, never doing, as I have been accused - and for the past twenty years in some regards - and that short term we could work on coping mechanisms for anxiety, longer term we could work on that self esteem of mine.
He will need another session to fully flesh out an assessment, and give some recommendations, but that is okay with me - next one is February 12, but they will give me a call if someone else cancels. Which would be nice.
Went to the movies in the first time like forever after the therapy thing on Monday - went and saw Babel, which a day later (remember, Golden Globes are on Yankee time) won best dramatic picture. Good film, I enjoyed it, Brad Pitt looked old - going into the elder statesmen roles, a la Pacino and de Niro perhaps - although the whole Japanese connection was a tad weaker than the other three stories in it.
And have booked travel back home to see the grandparents - grandfather has been going downhill fast the last few months, if anyone can recall I have mentioned it before. Just a short, sharp visit 2 to 5 Feb, not too long to bore or overwhelm or anything - in on the Friday night, out on the Monday morning, although with the international connections will be almost a full four day thing.
More later
Paul
Therapy 3.0 has started because of the fainting spell or seizure or whatever you want to call it last month, and because the doc suggested it may have been anxiety. Am willing to get some help regards the anxiety stress and all the rest, and had a good session the other day. I just totally opened up about everything, which, even with my best friends and family, I am somewhat loth to do nowadays - if loth is the right word, and the right spelling.
From the whole falling over at work embarrassment, to my avoidance of commitment in any current relationship, to suicide watch 1993, to the whole Canada thing, which, to be honest, I try to blank out, to being teased as a short, bespectacled foreigner at high school, to the fact that I have never 'dated' anyone locally. And only the briefest touch against the whole adoption thing, and no mention at all of what my mother suggested as an issue, That Internet Thing.
The psych seemed nice enough, probably my age or perhaps a bit older or younger, and prodded me occasionally with questions to make me think of issues from a different viewpoint - not too often because I was off and away with venting central. He said I wasn't as mixed up as I liked to think I am, and also that I have put a lot of thought into what I think my issues are - failure, rejection - always thinking, never doing, as I have been accused - and for the past twenty years in some regards - and that short term we could work on coping mechanisms for anxiety, longer term we could work on that self esteem of mine.
He will need another session to fully flesh out an assessment, and give some recommendations, but that is okay with me - next one is February 12, but they will give me a call if someone else cancels. Which would be nice.
Went to the movies in the first time like forever after the therapy thing on Monday - went and saw Babel, which a day later (remember, Golden Globes are on Yankee time) won best dramatic picture. Good film, I enjoyed it, Brad Pitt looked old - going into the elder statesmen roles, a la Pacino and de Niro perhaps - although the whole Japanese connection was a tad weaker than the other three stories in it.
And have booked travel back home to see the grandparents - grandfather has been going downhill fast the last few months, if anyone can recall I have mentioned it before. Just a short, sharp visit 2 to 5 Feb, not too long to bore or overwhelm or anything - in on the Friday night, out on the Monday morning, although with the international connections will be almost a full four day thing.
More later
Paul
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