Was listening to Wide Mouth Mason on the CD player today - a rock pop outfit from Saskatchewan that I actually believe have broken up a couple years ago. Part of the soundtrack of the whole Vancouver Island trip to see H in late 2000 - a lifetime ago, insert rose coloured glasses here.
Was talking to H through the whole internet messenger thing over the weekend, or sometime last week, not sure when, my First, my TrulyMadlyDeeply, blah blah blah, ended badly broke my heart still not sure whether I have emotionally recovered from the scarring all those years ago. Yes, that stream of consciousness just was ramping up and up there, had to stop myself at some point.
Was looking at pictures from the Feb 2001 Ireland trip yesterday, where things went seriously pear shaped, and found myself getting angrier and angrier looking at the pictures. Almost all the pictures from Vancouver Island I had kept, but I had seriously gutted the Ireland collection.
I was in a bad way back then.
Anyways, was talking to H, as I mentioned before, and we got to talking about our relationship, such as it was - and yes, those last four words are the bitter twisted reaction kind of thing I just added in. She was saying that she couldn't stick with me because I made her too comfortable, too at ease, and she didn't feel she had any control over things at all. And from what she was saying on the weekend, relaxing, opening up, letting her guard down makes her feel out of control - and she didn't like it, feeling so comfortable with me.
She hasn't been as comfortable around any of her other partners as she was with me, at least that is what she said. And she wonders why I ever put up with her, why I still talk to her despite what she put me through. Sometimes I wonder that myself.
Don't worry, I wouldn't consider getting back together with her, even if she was closer than the other side of the world. She is happy enough in her relationship keeping control of herself, and I have moved on. Forward, not backwards, never - well, not in this situation, not at this time.
The embers are long dead, on anything other than a conversation every week or two.
Paul
Was talking to H through the whole internet messenger thing over the weekend, or sometime last week, not sure when, my First, my TrulyMadlyDeeply, blah blah blah, ended badly broke my heart still not sure whether I have emotionally recovered from the scarring all those years ago. Yes, that stream of consciousness just was ramping up and up there, had to stop myself at some point.
Was looking at pictures from the Feb 2001 Ireland trip yesterday, where things went seriously pear shaped, and found myself getting angrier and angrier looking at the pictures. Almost all the pictures from Vancouver Island I had kept, but I had seriously gutted the Ireland collection.
I was in a bad way back then.
Anyways, was talking to H, as I mentioned before, and we got to talking about our relationship, such as it was - and yes, those last four words are the bitter twisted reaction kind of thing I just added in. She was saying that she couldn't stick with me because I made her too comfortable, too at ease, and she didn't feel she had any control over things at all. And from what she was saying on the weekend, relaxing, opening up, letting her guard down makes her feel out of control - and she didn't like it, feeling so comfortable with me.
She hasn't been as comfortable around any of her other partners as she was with me, at least that is what she said. And she wonders why I ever put up with her, why I still talk to her despite what she put me through. Sometimes I wonder that myself.
Don't worry, I wouldn't consider getting back together with her, even if she was closer than the other side of the world. She is happy enough in her relationship keeping control of herself, and I have moved on. Forward, not backwards, never - well, not in this situation, not at this time.
The embers are long dead, on anything other than a conversation every week or two.
Paul
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