'Say Hello To My Lil Fren'

Remembering that line from Al Pacino in Scarface made that DVD a 'must buy' when I was browsing through JB's in town on Sunday. No matter that I already had Total Recall in my hands, both were on sale so it was basically a 2 for 1 deal. Mmm, all that blood and gore :)

Went and saw Syriana as well, at the actual movies - will put together a mini review when I am more in the mood to blog - am just not in the right frame of mind tonight. But I will say this - it is the first movie in like forever that I have sat thinking about what has been on the screen while the credits rolled. Usually the credits start rolling and I'm contemplating when best to make a move to the exit door, or actually making that move - yesterday I was just stuck to the seat, thinking...

Pauly

Phenytoin Sodium

Also known as dilantin. Also known as the reason my alcohol intake will be sharply reduced over the next twelve months. Bloody seizure medication, when they're not able to pinpoint any specific reason for the damned things - I think it is stress related, and I can work to avoid stress without resorting to medication, but I'm not the medical expert, am I?

And not even really going to go into the whole freedom of choice thing - it's my body and if I don't want to take meds, which will impact on my socialising (err, drinking), why should I have to? How much does it actually cost every once in a while to be carted to hospital, or, as happened in Canada, just go to the doctor a few days later rather than the emergency ward? It's not a drinking thing, it's a freedom of choice thing, but I am sure that if I proceed with that argument, I will sound more and more like a drunkard :)

Sooo, the year long experiment is on, again. It got started in 2004, but, of course, I wasn't allowed to be on Medicare then, damned Kiwis just coming over here and abusing the Australian medical system, so, with the cost of the prescriptions and doctor's visits and all, I kind of opted out about three months in. This time I'm thinking I will give it a better bash than last time around, and can actually get subsidised doctor's visits as well.

Anyways, brave new world and all that - went out socialising last night, with workmates, trying not to use alcohol as a crutch, what with the abovementioned meds. The invite went out to two of the teams on the floor, but from my team I was the only one to turn up. Of course, we only got two days advance notice - the email for my 'too old for a quarter life crisis event', aka 30th birthday 'party', will go out a bit longer than forty eight hours ahead of whatever I decide to plan - but still, one person out of a team of twelve, that's pretty umm crap.

Maybe it was because the idea came from the other team. Sometimes I think that, even though we all do the same job, there is just a bit too much us and them on the floor, even between two almost identical teams with the same job roles. So from the other side of the Iron Curtain, we had LDU, CMC, DLU, SSU, AMA and LJA.

We started off at the Zen Bar, above Post Office Square on Adelaide Street - have walked past it dozens of times, but have never gone in. It's a lot bigger than it appears on the outside, and it looks pretty classy - or poncey, depending on the level of cynicism in your mood LOL. We stayed there for a couple of drinks - yes, I did have two beers there, and a coke - while the group started peeling away. By eightish, it was just LDU, CMC and myself, and the other two were ready to kick on and I was ready to follow.

We headed over to the Down Under Bar, but were told that there was a private student function on. We headed to the bar next door, I had another beer (I know, I know, it was only a half pint though), and by sneakily heading to the bathrooms that were deviously set in the corridor leading to the actual Down Under Bar, we figured we could get past the elaborate security set up on the actual door. For some reason am thinking Tom Cruise out of Mission Impossible or Catherine Zeta Jones out of Entrapment, with the laser wires and such :)

Although the Down Under was full of people, and some of them were quite attractive, it was a bit depressing for me. Because it is right underneath a backpackers' hostel, it has quite an international flavour. That wasn't the depressing bit though, it was as if I had been transported back to those Aussie Kiwi or traveller bars in London.

Exactly the same kind of set up, flags over the walls, messages on the chalkboards written by people from London or France or Germany or the States, saying how great a time they had been having in Australia, if we had been there earlier in the evening, I am sure the rugby or football (soccer I mean) or gridiron would have been on the 'big screens', the same thumping music after the sport. Is it just me, or is that a well founded stereotype of backpacker pubs around the world?

And, taking me back to London was the thought of how out of place I had felt at the Walkabout or Maple Leaf or Polar Bear in Covent Garden. Not the whole thing of being out of place being a Kiwi in those places, but out of place as in by myself, lying almost every time that I had 'lost' my friends - luckily, this was in the time before widespread cellphone use, meaning although it was still a pretty weak excuse, it wouldn't be as weak as if I tried it nowadays - and the whole pressure to socialise, and all the blood sweat and tears that went into simply getting a girl's phone number. I wasn't aiming for the bedroom at all, just a phone number was the extent of my ambition.

And being in the Down Under took me right back to Covent Garden. Or Shepherds Bush. Or the time I went to Wembley to see the All Blacks play Wales , after the game stopping off at a bar somewhere north of the Thames. Or the mythical status of the Church at Kings Cross, which I never ended up actually getting into. The feeling of excruciating embarrassment of being in London all by myself, more likely to meet someone from Lower Hutt than a Brit. I preferred going out with workmates, English workmates, to English pubs in the 'suburbs' of Croydon, than to the fake Antipodeoness of the backpacker bars.

And the All Blacks lost five tests in a row in 1998. When I was saying to my English workmates 'the best team in the world' blah blah blah.

It's funny how easy it all comes flooding back. I just felt the Down Under was like the Walkabout last night, and wasn't comfortable about it, but start writing down thoughts and feelings here and it vomits itself all out. And I could keep going if I wanted to - which I won't, for any reader who has made it this far, for their sake.

I had a couple of pints - of coke, at the Walkab - oh, I mean Down Under. Just scanning the crowd, listening to the music, seeing LDU crack onto her newest German friend. CMC was checking his watch every two minutes to check how close to 10.30 it was, that being the start of cover charging at The Beat in the Valley. He was headed out the door by himself - I was staying at the Down Under, but probably not for much longer, when LDU asked her German whether he wouldn't mind going to a gay bar. He said it would be fine, and we headed out to find a taxi.

Gay bars, so much less pressure placed on my neurons than backpacker places. I am sure I enjoyed the London backpacker places at the time, but looking back at how twisted up in knots I got almost as soon as the sports events I had come in to watch had ended, but no, I was going to end whinging about that wasn't I?

We got in well before cover charges kicked in, and CMC and I headed onto the dancefloor. Dancing to Steps Tragedy of all things - Steps, the Hi 5 of the music world LOL. Before CMC and a friend started dancing more closely together. Less pressure if you feel you want to get up and dance, less pressure to just take a break from said dancefloor if a guy comes up and takes your dance partner away LOL.

I got a coke, and headed out to the 'garden bar' where smoking is still allowed. I finally tracked down LDU and her friend, who were very friendly together - he was due to go driving over the weekend for three weeks up to Darwin and then down to Adelaide, but I have a sneaky suspicion that LDU has talked him out of that - she had a week off work next week anyways. Very friendly together indeed.

CMC came and found us, with one of his exes in tow. I had another coke, we chatted for a bit more, and at about quarter to twelve I decided to hit the road. Had a big teary farewell from LDU, about how she hopes that I think of her as a good friend and all - apparently she was worried that by telling the ambos who turned up at work that I had had a seizure two years ago, she was abusing my trust or something - it has been bugging her ever since apparently. I said of course not, I was in no state of mind to tell the paramedics important information like that, but she was crying a bit, and I'm not sure how much made it through - she had had a few vodka cruisers - but it was all OK when I left. Said a quicker goodbye to CMC as well :)

Headed up to New York Slice for a piece of the New York Original - was kind of strange walking through Brunswick Street at that time of night sober LOL. Welcome to the year ahead, Pauly. Caught the 12.10 train from the Valley, and got home at about quarter to one.

One final thing with the London memories - when I was in London I think there were only three Walkabout pubs. Just looked on their website and there are like 48 of them now! Geez, I feel old.

No doubt there will be more 'that's how we did it in the old days, and how great but somehow stupid my time in London was' but that will put a lid on it for now :)

Pauly

Quality Writing

I was thinking over the last couple of days, how I could be writing on specific subjects, rather than the whole this is what I did today thing - the BIG subjects, like war, religion, abortion, homosexuality. I wonder how good I could be if I concentrated on something and put something down on 'paper'. I think I tried to start the last couple of entries, what with the 1991 Gulf War and seeing a church spire every day walking to work, but I read back over them, and they both were pretty damp squibs. Too many distractions perhaps, too little concentration, too much tiredness maybe. But I would like to challenge myself to write something well again.

I just think back to my depression series that I wrote up the middle of last year. Just scooping out the deepest thoughts I have, holding them up to the microscope, analysing them, showing them for public display. And I was proud of what I was writing, it was a therapy of sorts.

And, after some of that feedback about three weeks ago now, I have been trying to just write about myself, rather than the 'what is on the news at the moment that is pissing me off' trick. As stated, everyone knows where the BBC or CNN or Sydney Morning Herald websites are. Sometimes I miss writing about it, mostly I don't.

And the funny thing is that the less I write about what is happening in the world, the more I avoid the news - I mean, I still skim the ABC and BBC front pages, but I don't drill down in the New York Times or Guardian to find particularly annoying stories to rant about as I used to. Maybe not reading the news every ten minutes is a good thing?

Or maybe I am just filling up the time with flickr and sports websites :)

Or, going back to the first couple of paragraphs, maybe another good topic to try quality writing on would be where is my life headed? Or maybe that topic is too big for one website alone LOL, bring on the crossover epic :)

I will quality write again, one day, I promise.

Paul

Day In The Life

I love these rostered days off - even if I have to slave at work an additional fifty minutes the other eighteen days of the four week roster, the pay off with two days off is worth it. I woke up initially this morning at five past seven ayem, about my normal wake up time, but I could just close my eyes and doze for another two hours, was very happy with that. More happy with that than the other day waking up, thinking it was Saturday and realising it was Tuesday - ick.

Was pay day for me yesterday, and for the first time in two weeks it seemed that I actually had some spending money available - I cut my finances so tightly last pay day, and then the whole seizure/prescription/cold thing, while the parents were away back home as well, I felt very very stretched money wise until yesterday. And today I could spend it LOL.

Not that I went nuts of course, but I did recharge the credit on my mobile, I did have a haircut, I did get the prescription filled, I did get popcorn with the movie that I went to see (the first eats that I had with a movie in three weeks, feeling so stupid LOL) - as well as getting some photo reprints done, a DVD, Monty Python and the Holy Grail - it's just a flesh wound indeed.

The movie I went to see was The Family Stone, I have a feeling it won't be showing tomorrow, what with New Movie Thursday reschedulings and such. I was in half a mind whether to actually see it or not, thinking that perhaps because I was just catching it at the last minute, I was building it up too much, especially with some people saying it may be too much of a chick flick.

Those fears of me hyping the movie up too much were just reinforced when I realised it was a Christmas movie, but, apart from a bit of soppiness towards the end, it was a good, solid, well acted family drama. And Sarah Jessica Parker did her role of a stuck up, bigoted, self absorbed bitch really well - and Luke Wilson is always very watchable. Better not drool too visibly over Claire Danes or Rachel McAdams LOL. Am well glad I went to see it, even if it was the last day showing in Brisbane :)

Syriana this weekend, probably Lord of War the weekend after coming up on the movie agenda.

Then it was picking up wrapping paper and a card for my niece's first birthday today. As well as a quick five minute side trip to Dusk, just to recharge my mental batteries - I love that store for some reason - and then browsing the shelves at Angus and Robertson, before heading back home.

And when I got back home I realised that I had gotten the wrong battery for my camera - the one in there has been flat for about a week, again with the saving money on non essential stuff until pay day. I thought I had checked it out as well, lithium battery, 3 volts, but no, I had gotten a CR2 when apparently I needed a 123. I was NOT happy, with the special trip to get a camera battery for the niece's first birthday, and it was too late in the day to head back to the shopping centre and buy another battery.

Of course, if I drove myself around, I could have simply hopped in the car. But that would be destroying the environment, and for some reason I just have never felt the urge to learn to drive anyways, so I couldn't do that. Not happy.

Niece came over, with brother and sister not quite in law, presents were opened, I'm not sure the one year old was sure what was going on, apart from smiling at one toy, dancing to another, and flopping all over a third - which she was supposed to, it was a Barbie mini sofa bed. And on the home front, the kid got a teddy bear. A teddy bear that is about three or four feet high and two or three feet wide (arms extended). Big indeed.

The other trick the kid was putting together was the beg for KFC chips from the relatives game. And the getting over tired game. So, happily but tiredly with new toys in tow, they left for home. Watching Spicks and Specks, flicking between Glasshouse and ER, and then onto the Winter Olympics.

Yeah, I'm a big fan of the Olympics. Every two years, get me in front of a television somewhere in the world, and I will watch freestyle moguls, short track speed skating, graeco-roman wrestling, judo, yachting - I still draw the line at synchronised swimming. But of course, with the Winters, my focus is of course the ice hockey.

Fingers crossed for Canada v Russia in the quarters tonight though - the reports I am reading say that nothing less than a gold will do for the Canadian population. Kind of reminds me - well exactly reminds me - of the way New Zealand is about Rugby World Cups. Nothing less than the championship will do. Whereas for the Russians, a win today would be nice, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Some of the speeds the alpine skiiers and luge and bobsleigh get to is fecking amazing though, but yeah, hockey is the big one for me.

More soon
Pauly

Is This It?

Every morning I head to work, I see a church spire in the distance, and I think is this all there is, the nine to five desk jockeying, should there be more? Not thinking about religion per se, but just surely there has to be something more to existence.

My concentration levels for writing haven't been the best over the last wee while. Maybe my piccie website is taking the energy out of me - I have about a ten year backlog of good photos to post, whereas I can never be certain of the quality of what I write. Plus I get comments over in photoland...

Maybe I'm just distracted, or unsettled or something. Maybe I do need to go onto those anti convulsive meds, to maybe just settle me - when I think back the last couple of weeks, it hasn't been the quietest fortnight I have ever had.

Pauly

Weird Dream

Just a quick entry about a dream I had this morning - started with me doing a bus trip through the Yukon and Alaska. Had the feeling that I had started out from Vancouver or something, and on the bus with me were some of my workmates.

Ended up at Juneau or Anchorage, one of the Alaskan cities, seemingly right near the end of the Alaskan landmass, and I went looking for camera batteries, as I wanted to take some pictures of the scenery and town and stuff, but the battery in my camera was dead. I found a battery for $9.20, and started taking pictures. And was happy.

Although what the heck I was doing in the Yukon and Alaska, I have no idea :)

Pauly

Jarhead

Saw Jarhead this afternoon. Good movie, not as brilliant as Full Metal Jacket, my fave American war movie, but seeing as I actually have memory of the first Bush Saddam smackdown, it hits the pressure spots in my brain in a different way, apart from just aesthetically.

Good enough to get as a DVD perhaps. And from what I remember of the time, the fall of the Berlin Wall, the unpleasantness in Romania, and having Gorbachev preaching perestroika in the Kremlin, the media of the day was basically saying it was the end of history, and that we in the West had won. Bush saying 'new world order' and all that crap.

Saddam's takeover of Kuwait set all that on its head, and the first full scale war that I can remember. There was the 'minor' operation to get rid of Noriega in Panama, but I clearly remember the whole thing of the Iraqi million man army being battle hardened against the Iranians over the previous eight years, and the whole trepidation of how many casualties there would be.

The dulcet tones of Peter Jennings announcing the war had started, on early afternoon television in New Zealand, and the television going to a live feed from CNN of the bombing of Baghdad. And that continuing for four weeks - apart from the TV live feed of course.

It's kind of depressing how easy it is to forget aspects of that war - the one that I keep forgetting is the whole burning oil fields trick the retreating Iraqis did. And any further comment I will make on this issue will messily dovetail into the current occupation, so I think I better shut up now LOL.

Good soundtrack on the movie as well :)

Pauly

Excuse My French, But...

You're fucking KIDDING me!

No, I didn't say that, but that was my mind's reaction to the news, when I went into the Medicare office, that I apparently already had a Medicare card! I said maybe it was from when I was here in the eighties as a kid, and on my parents' cards, but apparently it is in my own name.

Now why the two times I applied in 2004 they couldn't have a look in their computers and tell me that, even if I had to prove 'residency' at a later date, I don't know. Maybe as I was fourteen by the time that we left last time around, I was given one? Or perhaps one of the hospitals over the past couple of years has input me - without my knowledge? Or maybe someone has been fraudstering me...

I was just annoyed, although, being in an official government office, I couldn't show it, felt I had to doff my cap and prostrate myself in the direction of Canberra LOL, I was just annoyed that all the stress and such I have had about Medicaring could have been lessened somewhat by simply telling me earlier that I was in the system somewhere. At the very least, I could have ticked the right box on the form.

Not happy, but somewhat relieved I guess - am legal for the medical system here, got a number, and will get a card in about three weeks.

Pauly

The Real Winter Olympics

Get all that skiing and speed skating and curling shit off the TV, here comes the REAL Winter Olympic sport - hockeyyyyyyyy!! Canada walloped Italia yesterday - with the time zone differences, they show the highlights in Oz about twelve to eighteen hours after it is actually on.

But the Canadian women are walloping their competition even more - yet another USA Canada final no doubt...

And 'Australia' has a gold medal, with a former Canadian from Vancouver, multi millionaire, winning in the moguls. First, why on earth would anyone ever want to live away from Vancouver? Secondly, where did he get his multi millions from? Something to do with the internet apparently, or could it be Russian oil or Iraqi grain LOL, everytime the journalists ask him a non sporting question, he clams up. Yeah, I understand it is his right to have a personal life, but by clamming up every time, he just makes it more mysterious.

I'm not sure whether I am going to make it to the hockey highlights, am still feeling quite ill. The boss said to take it easy at work today, but I don't think I really have an off button in the office. It can be annoying sometime...

Hmm, movie of the weekend, a hard one, between Jarhead and Syriana. And I think something else good is out at the moment - oh, Lord of War. I guess I will have to leave The Family Stone until DVD perhaps :)

Pauly

Sick Day

Had a day at home today - felt crap last night, and had a very early night - was asleep by 9.30 or 10 or so, which is the earliest I have been to bed in like months. Was just exhausted I think. Woke up this morning, tried to get myself to feel better, but was just in one of those stages where I probably could have made it into work, but then not have been of much use at all, wouldn't be getting any better while I was there, and the possibility of making other workmates sick - as well as the thought of not looking Pauly Perfect as I always want to do.

After all, it's not how competent you are, it's how competent you look LOL.

And it's good to have a boss that does the early shift - no uncomfortable hanging around until 8.30 or 9.00 or so, no second guessing yourself as to the difference between your health an hour ago to now, no wondering whether you really needed to have time off - which I do in spades, and is why I have only had two and a half days off from work since June 2004 - well, until last week, that is. Feel like I am playing hookey taking two days off in a week...

I went out, walked the dog this morning - I felt too ill to do it last night - to go to the shop and get a bottle of milk. And that was the extent of me going out all day - with the seizure thing, I'm not even allowed to go swimming in the back yard pool, grr. I only swam about once every month beforehand anyways, but now that I am not allowed to, I suddenly want to - plus it has been fucking hot the last couple days grrr.

And then stayed home all day. Veged out online a bit, not too much, as well as watched The Fast Show Series Two DVD - had watched episode one on Christmas Day, with the family in the room as well, squirming as to whether they 'got' the humour as well. But watched all six other episodes today, was very good...

And caught half an episode of Moonlighting - OMG was funny to see Bruce Willis do corny TV opposite Cybill Shepherd. Whatever happened to Cybill's TV or film career anyways?

But the day at home seems to have done me good - sore throat has gone away, hopefully the nose will stop running by tomorrow. Should be good to go for work tomorrow :)

Pauly

Burn Out

Woke up this morning to a very sore throat, somehow amidst the humidity of a Brisbane night, I had dried out my throat almost completely. I felt OK enough to go to work, but then having my brain baked by the incessant heat, I felt more and more ill. I thought that with some training for most of the day, I didn't need to be firing on all cylinders, but still felt ill by the end of it.

And then, even more mortifying, the zipper on my pants broke, meaning I couldn't zip myself up. Indignity on indignity, making me feel even smaller than I already felt.

My throat was still sore by the time I finished training, and wanted to talk to the boss about it, but she was on the phone. I took a couple of phone calls from customers before the boss said don't do it if you have a sore throat, and if you feel that bad, you can go home you know.

I finished the email job I was doing, and then headed home.

I am just feeling completely exhausted, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I was trying to do everything as normal, when all the energy has seeped out of me due to the hospital visit last week. I dunno - I do know I'm quite frustrated with myself grr :)

Later peeps
Paul

Stress

And just think, this time last week I was not stressed at all. A seizure, the possibility of money issues, and being home alone, how easily things can change.

It started with me trying out a new budget measure of putting all spare money towards my debt repayments almost on pay day itself, rather than wait until the next pay as I usually do/did, and see how much spare I have then. Then last week, after I had made that decision, I was counting down my spare cash in my head, what with contact lens solution, recharging my mobile phone, public transport - ick, worrying about money, how stupid LOL.

I didn't think I was stressed before having my seizure on Thursday, but looking back, and that money issue could have been enough to start me off bleah. Obviously it doesn't take much. And then after the whole seizure thing, the thinking of getting a Medicare card again (and the fear of getting rejected), the cost of a doctor if I don't get a Medicare card, or if they don't bulk bill, and the cost of prescriptions themselves.

And for the first time ever, one of these crises is happening when I am home alone, so I don't have anyone to easily borrow some money from, at least until Saturday. Family you feel you can easily borrow money from for a week or two, anyone else and the whole 'self sufficiency' myth that I tell myself starts to fall apart.

I went into work yesterday, and, even though I dodged talking to actual customers - I was doing the work that was coming in by email - the whole thing of keeping a happyish face around colleagues was exhausting. I know that I didn't have to put on the happy face to workmates, but it's just my personality anyways, I guess.

Got home, felt exhausted, cut my hand opening up one of the dog food cans, and over the last couple of days have completely lost my appetite, so am only finding myself eating when I am hungry, and therefore my stomach isn't sure of how it is feeling at all - upset, I think the best term could be.

Oh, and have woken up with a sore throat this morning. Only have training at work for most of the day today, so will see how I feel by the time that training ends.

Something good is bound to happen this week :) fingers crossed.

Pauly

Another Olympiad

The Twentieth Winter Olympic Games are now on. In Torino, Italia - aka Turin. Watched the opening ceremony on the TV last night, and you've got to hand it to the Europeans, when you want weird abstract ceremonies, they deliver the gold every time LOL.

And the seventies soundtrack to the athletes march past - actually it was a pretty good move, because we are far enough removed from the horrors of disco for it to be happy bouncy inoffensive background nowadays.

And you can put as much weird futuristic ballet crap in there, or a Renaissance or baroque garden party, as long as you get the Ferrari in there and Pavarotti singing Nessum Dorma, it will be fine by me. And how many guest stars did they have in the programme last night, Yoko Ono, Peter Gabriel, Susan Sarandon, Sophia Loren, Eva Herzovina - geez, anyone would think that the Olympics were important or something :)

Now, the people of the world will do our best to suspend our disbelief about drug cheats and the lack of a real Olympic truce and do our best to enjoy the sports. My eyes will be primarily focussed on the ice hockey, but will see whether there is an Eddie the Eagle story this time around.

Pauly

Twins

Had a relaxing day yesterday, after all the drama of Thursday afternoon. My parents and sister flew out to have a week back home in New Zealand early yesterday morning - flying Emirates, will have to ask what the flight was like when they get back. And yes, I know that as a veteran of more flights than I care to remember, there is very little difference between any of them - some you pay for food and extras, others you get them included, is basically what it comes down to - but still, a new airline to test out, maybe they will be strikingly different.

Oh, and I have to ring the parents and put in orders for NZ Twisties - there is a difference with Australian ones - and perhaps Rashuns as well. Mmm, and McDonald's Megafeast, or, as it was known for about a year, a Jonah burger. Geez, that would make the promotion about ten years old, if it was released at the height of Jonah's fame :)

Anyways, so home alone yesterday, got a couple of concerned emails from workmates, so that was nice (in its own way, of course). Pottered around , not doing a heck of a lot of anything, took the dog for a walk in the midday sun, got takeouts at the store near the railway station - was quite yum as well, Mum had said the meals there had a good reputation - chicken burger, with beetroot, and a banana milkshake, yum.

Didn't do too much with the afternoon either, gave the animals an early dinner, and then locked them out as I headed to the railway station to go into the city. Was going to pick up the photos that I had meant to pick up Thursday lunchtime (before I was carted off to the hospital), and LMA was having a leaving evening thing, that I intended to stay just a while for...

Midway between the photo place and the V-Lounge, where LMA was having her get together, I stopped in for a quick half of Hahn at the Orient, which is repositioning itself as the 'newest rugby bar' in Brisbane. Thought I would try out that repositioning, and yes indeed, they had the Hurricanes Blues match on in front of about nine people. It was still early for the after work crowd though, so it may have filled up more later.

Not wanting to be late at the other bar, I peeled myself away from the screen with the score twenty five minutes in of 3-all, with neither side looking to assert themselves fully on the game.

Got to the V-Lounge - it was totally packed, even more so than the Christmas dinner that we had. LMA and the group were all the way in the back - at that stage was NGR, LMA, TDE, MGR, SPE and some other girl who doesn't work with us and I haven't seen before. If I had a dollar for every 'how are you feeling' I got last night, I would probably have been able to buy a round LOL - it's just one of those things, people, and I am one of the least important people in the office. It is somewhat heart warming to know that people care, but I do my best to be unnoticed, inobtrusive - overdoing attention embarrasses me somewhat.

MGR and PFO turned up, as did CMC, PMA and FET. LMA had gotten a few plates of nibbles, and was drinking water and mocktails for the evening - something to do with being due with twins in ten days time. And she wants to come back to work in September. Brave woman, with that sort of timeframe - that's all I will say about it :)

I was thinking about having non-alcoholic drinks for the evening, what with my 'illness' from the previous day, but somehow I got around to having a couple of beers, a couple of cokes, and a bourbon and coke. More to the fore of my mind than my alcohol levels was my budget until next pay day, so was counting the pennies last night. Well, not quite, but I was taking care of my money much more than usual.

I was thinking of bailing about two or three times during the evening, but somehow managed to find my way from pub to pub with the others. PPE came in to the V-Lounge for about all of thirty seconds, we think he was looking for NGR, who is kind of an on again off again girlfriend. He didn't stick around when it was apparent she had already left - geez, thanks for that mate, what are we, chopped liver LOL.

By this stage, it was myself, LMA, TDE, MGR, CMC, PMA and FET left, and we were 'so over' the V-Lounge, and headed out deeper into the Valley. We got to Brunswick Street mall, and PMA and FET messed with the way an evening out should happen by getting pizza slices between pubs - the script is, you get pizza or kebabs or Maccas or whatever, on the way to the train station or taxi rank, not in the middle of the evening :)

We then headed past all the usual haunts, RGs, Belushis, before heading into the Press Club. Good atmosphere in that place, apart from the cigar smoke ick. Good thumping bass, but not as loud as V-Lounge, or maybe by this stage my hearing for shouted conversations had just gotten better. And $7.50 for a Stella, ick, but just got the one to treat myself, before I was back onto the XXXX Gold, 'cheap at only' $5.50.

We got seats by the window, that was opened up to the street, and across the road was the ultimate destination for the Friday night in the Valley game, New York Slice. Yum. Got to talking to LMA and TDE, while PMA and FET were talking to MGR, and CMC was at the bar making a new friend.

Still no defined dancefloor - there was space at the Press Club, but no one actually dancing - so it was decided to head off to another bar. If I remember the conversation correctly, some people were thinking of bailing and heading home, not only me, but it was sold as last pub of the night. I checked my pennies at this time, and, with the obligatory $5 slice of pizza across the road, I thought I could handle another couple of beers. If there had been an entry fee to one of these places, I would have been screwed, but as it was I was fine for another couple beers.

We wandered down to the Fringe Bar - somewhere I haven't been before. We went upstairs first, to check out the balconies and pool tables, but it was a bit of a rabbit warren and small rooms, and no dancefloor, so we headed back downstairs, found a table and made the usual base camp. As I hadn't intended on being out so long, and I had picked up the processed films as well, I had my bag all through the night. But I wasn't drinking enough to lose track of the bag, and was not intending to drink enough that keeping track of the backpack would be irritating.

It was just under the table, the bag that was, and it wasn't going anywhere, and I wasn't losing track of it, so all was good. Well, apart from the Rogue Traders being on the DJ's rotation list, and that silly Love Generation song, heard that about five times last night, grr. Had those couple of beers, danced a bit with CMC and TDE, and then it was suddenly five to midnight and everyone was leaving.

TDE and I headed to New York Slice, yum, barbeque chicken, while the others got a Maccas meal. As LMA hadn't been drinking at all, she could be the designated driver for most of the others, city or south side, I took my leave and headed to the train station. Got the second last train of the night, 12.10 from Brunswick Street, and was home just before 1am.

Not too much to report from today. Bugger all in fact. Maybe I will find a way of writing it up in an entertaining fashion tomorrow - or maybe not LOL.

Pauly

Grand Mal

I had a grand mal seizure yesterday. It happened at work, mortifyingly.

I thought it was a normal enough day pottering along, taking customer calls blah blah blah, when at about midday, or perhaps five minutes before, I felt a bit of a dizzy spell coming on. These happen from time to time with me, and the best way to deal with them is to stop what I am doing, focus on what is happening in my brain, and they usually go away with just a bit of thought power.

I have had seizures in the past, so I do know that dizzy spells can be a precursor to those, and I take them seriously. They maybe happen once every six weeks to two months or so.

So I stopped what I was doing, concentrated on what I was feeling in my brain. It didn't go away easily - in fact, my consciousness felt like it was a race car, driving to the back of my brain - a sense of falling, of my thoughts unbalancing my head and it tipping backwards is maybe the best way I can describe it. And my efforts to make myself concentrate, to come back to the here and now, was just like a futile chase into the back recesses of my skull - my consciousness would always be the same distance away from my concentration, no matter how far 'back' I went.

The second test as to whether I am having a seizure or not, after the 'dizzy spell/trying to collect my thoughts by the scruff of the neck' test, is the moving my hand test. I do this to bring my hand up to my head, to make sure there wasn't an escape pod for my brain out the back of it.

And when I feel I can't move my limbs, I go oh god here we go again, what will happen this time. I don't think I had enough time to think oh fuck this is happening at work how stupid do I feel.

I had my first seizure when I was ten. I was in the kitchen, buttering some bread for lunch I think, when suddenly I just went completely limp, falling onto the ground - I think my parents kept me up a bit, before easing me onto the ground - then I went stiff and started shaking. I can't remember precisely.

They called the ambulance, but by the time it arrived, the seizure had stopped, and since it was a one off, they didn't take me into the hospital. I went in for several appointments for testing though, and a couple of brain scans. Apparently I have scarring on my brain - when I was a toddler, I fell backwards off a picnic table onto a slab of concrete. I am adopted, and that incident was with my birth parents - apparently, I was far too young to remember.

After that time, I didn't have my next turn until 2001. And at the time, I thought it was a reaction to some household chemicals, more specifically, liberally applied insect spray. After spraying half a can in the kitchen to get rid of an ant infestation, I went to bed, and awoke, on the floor, with the sorest muscles. I went into work the next day, but then was convinced by my mother that it may have been a seizure and to go see a doctor. I was living by myself in Wellington at the time, my family was across the Tasman in Australia.

Went and saw the doctor, who said, yeah it probably was the brain playing up again, he could recommend me see a neurologist, but if it had been the only time in fifteen years, it may have just been 'one of those things'. I didn't go see a neurologist for further testing.

In November 2002, back home in Wellington again, I keeled over in the workplace. Fell off my chair, heavily onto the floor, and was rushed to Wellington Hospital. A workmate came with me, seeing as I no longer had any family in the region to come hold my hand, and I'm not sure whether I was mortified about it happening in the workplace that time, but I felt bad that I had to have a workmate who I was kinda friendly towards, but not one of my top three colleagues friendliness wise. I felt bad for her.

They kept me in for observation for a few hours, and then released me. Went to the doctor again I am pretty sure, and again, it was my call whether to go to the specialist, but at that time I was ramping up to go live with K in Canada, and thinking cost wise, risk wise, two in over a year, I thought I could handle the risk.

Then, next, as the whole Canada thing was coming apart at the seams, I had two seizures in two months. Because I was trying to get a work visa, and, let's be honest, I wasn't really sure whether I wanted a work visa or not, such a confusing, troubling time of my life - when it came to making the Big decisions, when I wasn't making Big decisions, the majority of my time there, I was fine. Taking care of the cats, driving in the countryside every couple of weekends, I was fine with - when it came to 'Do You Want To Live Here Forever', 'Do You Want To Get A Job', 'Final Notice On Your Debts Before Sending Them To The Collector', 'Your Family Is Bad For You And Let's Cut You Off' I was in big, big trouble.

Because I was waiting for a work permit to come through, and it took absolutely forever, I wasn't under Canada's healthcare system. When I had my first seizure over there, I was persuaded not to go to the doctor, because it would have cost too much. Even though this wasn't one completely out of the blue, like the 2001 'ant spray' one.

When the second hit, barely a month later - I think it was November/December 2003 - I remember after the first one, I was at home alone, rang K at work, and was waiting for her on the garden path, there was snow on the ground then, and I don't think it snowed as early as September... when the second one hit, and K was at home that time and could see me, again, not with the calling an ambulance and going to the hospital, but at least we went to the docs this time around. Again with the waiting on an OHIP card before going to the specialists, and the work visa did come through, and I would have started work in January 2004...

But then we had one argument too many - at least in my reckoning - and I headed home. Well, to Australia and the parents, because going back to Wellington would have been too painful at that stage.

And it was about May 2004 I think, still deep in my post-Canada emotional bunker, the world owes me kind of mindset that I have been told I had back then, and most importantly I feel, I still did not have a job, I still could not pay my way after a year away from work, I had my last - previous to yesterday - seizure.

I was just in front of the computer, as usual, Mum was watching The African Queen on television - funny the little memories that you keep - and I keeled over. I can't remember if I did the delve into my brain, hand to head tests then, I feel it came on too suddenly for that.

Maybe two minutes of fitting, ambulance called, off to Princess Alexandra - we were out on the Cleveland line for the trains in those days. A couple of hours of observations, discharged, a bus or was it train home. I went to the doctor's then, but, in a somewhat repeat of the Canada OHIP issue, I had to pay my own way without a Medicare card.

Because of some deal the Australian and New Zealand governments cooked up, because there are so many Kiwis over this side of the ditch, without a Medicare card, emergency care only is fully covered. Doctor's visits aren't, and as for the prescriptions, it depends which pharmacist you get, whether you pay Aussie price or full price. And pills are damned expensive anyways.

And when I went to the Medicare office to apply for a card, the withering looks I got - oh, a Kiwi, without a job, has only been here for a few months - it was as if I had come over to Australia to ge a fully funded heart and lung transplant. How can you trust a New Zealander in a Medicare office was how I was made to feel.

And even after I had gotten a job, because it wasn't a permanent job, I was only through a temping agency at that time, I got more withering looks - my mother was incredulous, because with all the temporary and part time jobs nowadays, it is really really hard to get permanent status.

Even after I wowed the last interview panel, and got a permanent job, I haven't stepped foot in a Medicare office since that time, because I hate being made to feel like an irritating ant. Maybe in the next wee while though - while I was typing this have just printed out a new application form - maybe this time...

Anyways, back to yesterday. I couldn't raise my hand to my head to steady myself, and then I blacked out. I came to with LFL, RTO and SGR around me, I was on the ground, and they were doing their best to keep me still. I just wanted to crawl away and hide in the nearest hole - mortifying, to have that happen again at work, I hate any sort of thing that puts a hole in my carefully cultivated work persona of cool, calm and competent. And here am I, just toppled off my chair. I'm pretty sure I was trying to squirm my way out of the cubicle, but the girls kept me still.

The ambulance arrived. I was loaded on to the stretcher, and given oxygen, even before I was out of the office. The boss, MWH, decided to come with me - she was having a day away from actual team leader duties anyways. When we got loaded into the ambulance, I think the paramedic asked me which hospital I would prefer to go to, and I'm pretty sure I said well either Princess Alexandra or Royal Brisbane Women's - I must have been somewhat lucid to have figured that out. We went to Royal Brisbane Women's because the family have shifted to the northside now, it would be easier for us to get home afterwards.

When we got to the hospital, MWH went to the waiting room, after advising me that they had rung through to my sister, but not Mum - how did anyone get my sister's number, I'm sure I didn't put her down as an emergency contact at work? And I was taken into the ER.

It was then that I remembered all the horror stories coming out of Queensland Health at the time, and was already putting together the notes in my head about how caring the staff were and such - even though I hadn't really been seen by anyone yet, and the thought process was still somewhat jumbled in my head. It took me another good half hour after being taken into the wards to remember the date...

Nurse came and asked me a few questions, tried and failed to find my veins - I have always been told by people needing blood that I have weak veins, yesterday's nurse failed in the left, then tried in the right before getting one of her colleagues to do it instead. I don't think she got anywhere near a vein on my left, it hurt a lot more than a usual blood sample. Oh, and had to give a urine sample as well - damn those anabolic steroids, and I thought I was home free to compete at Turin or Melbourne LOL.

Then a doctor came about ten minutes later and asked me my medical history. Because of the whole Medicare application fiasco two years ago, I had gone off the pills maybe a lot earlier than I should have - plus, err, I couldn't drink with that medication. Cost, both financial and socialising LOL, no wonder. And anyways, I think that after you are on those meds for a year and nothing happens, then you can go off them anyways - of course, I wasn't anywhere near a year when I did go off them, but just the length of time to this episode, is very strange.

Another doctor came to ask me my medical history - I think this one was an intern, because she said she hadn't been here that long and when I was talking Brisbane suburbs she said I don't know where those particular suburbs are. But she was friendly enough, and she deferred to who I thought was the boss in decisions and such, so all was good.

The tests came back clear, they gave me a prescription for more anti convulsives, a medical certificate for work (too bad I was having the next day as a rostered day off anyways), and an introduction letter for the problem to a GP of my choosing - since we came northside, I haven't chosen a GP, part of that whole application fiasco echoing around all this time later - and I got discharged.

By this stage, Mum had come in, and it was showing as discharged on the reception screens already, but I was still there in the A&E ward. We left, MWH got a taxi back into work - it had been two and a half hours since I keeled over, but still some time in the work day, and her car was probably in the parking lot as well - and Mum, my sister and I headed home on the bus. We just missed one, so it was a half hour wait until the next one, and it was a warm day yesterday.

Apparently one of the other team leaders at work, LBU, had rung home soon after I fell ill, but as it showed a private number, Mum thought it was a telemarketer that time of the day and didn't think anything more of it. Then my sister's phone rang, but she didn't get to it in time, and then they tried the house again. Eventually they tried Dad, who was working up in Mackay, who rang down and rustled up the household.

We got home, after a nice, leisurely bus ride - Mum and sister hardly ever get the bus, so it was a novelty for them, especially Mum saying how built up everything has gotten since she noticed those suburbs last - and just veged out in front of the TV last night. News, news, news, as is my preference, and then watched ER, which had been taped from the previous night. I used to love ER, but with the cast of characters as it is this season, hmm, not sure how gripping it will be.

Was online for only a short time last night, putting my flickr photos of the day up, and sending a couple of emails to work, thanking everyone for putting up with me. I hate being a disturbance, being noisy, making a scene in the workplace.

And as for why it happened now, I have no freaking idea - I have a feeling that it is usually stressful situations that kicks things off. I have so little stress in my life at the moment, it was somewhat surprising to fall out of my chair.

Oh, apparently I didn't fall out of my chair, because it had arms, I was just slumped against one of those. Maybe that is why this time I don't have aching muscles and joints like I usually do - the bitten tongue and the feeling like my mouth is full of cotton wool is there as usual though.

Okies, that's the longest, most personal entry I have written in a while. I hope it was at least kind of readable :)

Pauly

So Much To Write About, If I Wanted To

Lacking inspiration at the moment. Despite the riots happening in the Islamic world about The Twelve Danish Cartoons - European embassies getting torched, stoned and the like, while Western newspapers and magazines decide to keep printing them. My personal opinion is that the original newspaper, in Denmark, was silly to print them, and there is little excuse for the violence that has occurred in reaction - ten dead in Afghanistan in two days - but the papers in the last week printing the things on freedom of speech arguments, are just being provocative.

Surely they can see how angry it makes some of the demonstrators, and would they print pictures of dead soldiers in Iraq? I am sure there would be rioting in the States, the Saudi embassy attacked and such, and demonstrations around the rest of the West if something like that happened. Just because you can print something, doesn't mean you have to.

Or perhaps the news that an entire new eco system has been found in the highlands of Indonesian New Guinea. A region the size of Luxembourg or Rhode Island (as the Atlantist news agencies helpfully tell us Antipodeans), with the first new bird species discovered in New Guinea in sixty years, plus various frogs, butterflies, tree kangaroos and echidnas - maybe haven't ever seen humans before, because they walked around the researchers' campsites without fear. As the press has labelled it, a potential Garden of Eden. No doubt the poachers are already on their way...

I could mention the whole illegal wiretapping debate in Washington, the Attorney General giving a star performance of saying nothing in front of the congressional committee, but I won't. Nor will I really mention the AWB inquiry, where the government is saying they are full and frank to the inquiry, but stonewall in Parliament. Surely someone in Parliament knew something about the whole paying bribes issue? Or are they all going to blame the bureaucrats in their departments?

And I am only going to say one thing on the RU 486 debate - why on earth should anyone think that politicians, with their popularity contest short term electoral cycle attention span, have a better handle on how to handle and classify this particular controversial drug than the actual board that handles and classifies all the other drugs? Tell me a time when the Therapeutic Goods Association has fucked up in regards to a drug and then come back to me with the 'politicians know best' argument. Well, fucked up more than known scientific evidence or the FDA in the States...

Work is quiet - they laid off a team attached to us in another state yesterday. Well, announced lay offs, the team isn't due to go until early April. So that sent a shiver down everyone's spine I think, the company is in one of its lean and mean efficiency drives currently - whereas our team in Brisbane, I think they will just keep everyone on until we 'attrit' ourselves into oblivion. Of course, they will probably review us in another two months or something, but at a guess, I can't see anything changing for us, apart from perhaps our seats on the Titanic, in the next six months or so.

I could be wrong though.

Yeah, pretty quiet all in all, I need to get my enthusiasm back for writing that I currently have flowering for my photography :) And maybe I could get writing enthusiasm back if I write stories, or snippets from the past, rather than the drudgery of day to day.

Pauly

PS - oh great, it seems that the bird flu virus has finally hit Africa, running rampant in several poultry farms in Nigeria. Happy days are here again - sarcasm, people, sarcasm...

A Quiet Week

Have hardly done anything of note this week, so here is a pretty picture to fill the void - of a 'sun pillar' over Lake Tahoe - Nevada I think? Apparently it is the sunlight hitting ice crystals high in the atmosphere. Sure is pretty.

Hopefully I get over this writer's block in the next twenty minutes or so :)

Can't disappoint my fans...
Pauly

Five Thousand Visits

Just went and dipped my feet in the pool. At ten o'clock at night. Was very relaxing though, the glare, the heat of the day had seeped away, the cosmic ballet of the clouds, the stars, the moon, the light casting the bars against the fountain, the ripples in the water, the light splashing, the wondering what it would look like with the underwater lights switched on - is it red, is it blue this month?

Even the neighbour, practising his guitar, added to the atmosphere - not as loud as he is usually, either. The wind, blowing lightly, ruffling my shirt, cooling my skin. The moon, with the scattered clouds drifting across its face, below the palm tree leaves. The endless sky, the feel of water against my legs.

Having to end it all, to come indoors, to the hard edges of the real, human, world. Too warm, without the refreshing breeze on my skin.

Pauly

Where Did That Weekend Go

Hmm, before I could blink, it is almost 8.30pm on Sunday night. Now, if I had done stuff yesterday - though I hardly ever do stuff on Saturdays - it may have felt like I had 48 hours away from work. But it doesn't.

Am broke, so that hardly helps matters - not pay day until Tuesday, and it was this weekend when my parents decided to take me up on the restaurant trip out that I had made a voucher up for as a Christmas thing. So until we went out, ate food, drank and got the bill, I was counting all the pennies I could. They decided to go out for lunch instead of a dinner, my sister got in on the action as well, even though she was more broke than me, and ended up having a free meal, and I came in about ten bucks under budget - two beers each and all.

Celebrated this saving, and subsequent discovery that I could fund myself for the next two days, by going to the movies. Went to see Munich, which fitted in best time wise with leaving the steak house. And surprisingly, for once, all the trailers beforehand looked like they would be movies I would want to go check out. Jarhead, Syriana, A History of Violence and Derailed - though only the first two are definites. Hmm, advertising a movie about the 1991 Gulf War with music from 2005, Kanye West's Jesus Walks, hmm.

Munich itself was well worth going to see. After reading all the middling somewhat negative reviews of it, it was much better than I expected. As long as you go into the theatre remembering it is a movie rather than what actually happened, you won't get all stressed out by the historical inaccuracies. And as for the thought that they humanise the Palestinians, well, yes they do, but you never get the feeling that they couldn't be terrorists as their day job. The most important point is the violence begetting violence one, which can never be emphasised enough in my thinking.

Probably will go see Walk The Line next week, and then, for the first time in a long time, if ever, I will have seen all five movies up for Best Pic at the Oscars. I think Good Night and Good Luck should get it, but that is just the pinko liberal in me I guess. As opposed to the other sort of pinko audience that Brokeback Mountain should walk away with Oscar in a month's time with...

Later peeps
Pauly

Music Association

Hmm, my favourite song, Losing My Religion by REM, was on just before. I associate more with the actual song than the video, which is seriously weird ass.

Have loved the song since it first came out, but my strongest memory of it was a pretty destructive one. It was the music I played in the background - on tape, so was rewinding and hitting play pretty well constantly, tape, so old school - it was the song that I played when I was swallowing about thirty anti depressant pills, with the stated intention of overdosing.

In 1995, after I obviously survived that OD, the second biggest association with this song is the REM concert in Auckland - with friends (when did I get out of that habit with concerts, movies and such?), and I was belting it out, pretty well at the top of my lungs. Although the song that sticks out from the concert is Everybody Hurts, and I was feeling very at peace with everything, in a hug the person on your right kind of way - although I managed to control myself, they were friends, but they weren't best friends if you know what I mean.

Hugging guys - hmm, who knows if I had done that back then, I might have become the target demographic for Brokeback Mountain LOL. If that behaviour is acquired rather than genetic of course :)

Of course, unless I think deeply about it, Losing My Religion nowadays just can be happy background music - I have blocked out 1993 Pauly and his thought patterns pretty well, unless I concentrate on finding him again.

Paul

One Of Those Days

Maybe I shouldn't have gotten out of bed yesterday. Or, maybe when I heard about the wildcat train strike in town, maybe I should have gotten back into bed. All services, including freight, not including long distance passenger trains, were out from midnight. Soooo, it was onto the buses for the public transport.

And, apart from the overcrowding, it wasn't too bad a run in through the suburbs, probably about five minutes behind normal schedule - I usually feel guilty taking the bus into town, longer timeframe than the trains, scenic route as it is, but yesterday I was floating along. We were just coming into town when the CD I had in the player, Radiohead's Hail to the Thief, finished. And then, it was an excruciating twenty minutes trying to get down Wickham Terrace.

Which I guess wasn't too bad, my mother and sister took two hours to travel into town, and some of my workmates were an hour late. Still, would have been nice to have more warning of the train strike than we did.

And then when I got to work, was very busy, surprisingly so for a Friday, and V was not happy with aspects of my blog. Specifically me making a sexual based comment on a woman's blog. When I made said comment, I was thinking of a certain scene in When Harry Met Sally, but didn't mention that reference in the comment, probably making it sound worse than I actually meant it to.

It was meant as a joke, but all V saw was me talking sex with some anonymous woman. Understandably upset, I can see that, but I feel that I have made so much progress with my online self that the thing she blew up at left me I guess somewhat puzzled. I've bailed from chatrooms, I am not drooling over anyone in Brisbane, in the workplace or otherwise, and I get pinged for making what I meant as a funny ironic joke - sex based, true, but if it was off a Meg Ryan movie, I can't think of any movie that could be more wholesome...

Kind of skirted around the issue in emails in the workplace, we were both trying to concentrate on work, and I remember the last time a full blown argument came my way via email, I bailed from work for the rest of the day. Was not in the right place in my mind to talk to customers when that other email came through. But yesterday, although my mind wandered a few times, I managed to stay focussed on the customers for the most part.

Oh, and got bitten by ants during my lunchbreak. Instead of heading down to the waterfront, I just went to the park in the square and laid down. Obviously an ant or two went up my trouser leg - ooh, very Spike Milligan, Badjelly the Witch - and then about half an hour after lunch, a searing pain was going through my right knee. It must have been ants, because if it were a spider or, more improbably, a snake, there would have been a better chance of me keeling over.

After the call I was taking when that pain in the knee became apparent, I wandered over to the boss to just give her a heads up that I had a sore knee, ants were the culprit - just to let her know in case it was more serious and I keeled over at a later stage. In reporting this, however, it became a hazard incident, and I was stuck at her desk for the next half hour filling out an online report - the boss disliked it, the process, and the waste of time, just as much as me. It was freaking ants for goodness sake, it's not as if it was a fatality :)

Oh, KDA came down from the weekend - if you remember, she left the job after she had graduated from her university courses, and went to work for a university course appropriate workplace up in north Queensland. She had come down for ADE's birthday, and a couple of other things this weekend - so obviously they are trying out the long distance thing, good luck - and she said she was going drinking for a couple hours to kill time before ADE finished work.

It was good to go across the road and have a drink with a friend - I just realised the last time I had been to the Orient was early December, but it seems a lot longer than that. And just KDA herself, bubbly, talkative, enthusiastic about the rugby, even though she is a Brumbies girl LOL. And she appreciates my company I think. As the workplace fragments more and more into cliqueness, or maybe it's just me bringing up the drawbridge, it is just nice to have a genuine sense of appreciation :)

More later - is another night that is too hot to concentrate on writing :)
Paul

Customer Feedback

'Mate, your Blog was the biggest piece of trainspotting dishwater I have seen for quite some time! I don't know why you have persisted with it for so long when its obvious nobody gives a flying monkey-fuck about your mundane life, let alone your lightweight opinions on current affairs?

Delete the fucking thing and go get yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend or something..The only thing that is bites is your blog.'

Hmm, that is the problem with being a laid back, non confrontational kind of guy as I am - I agree that everyone is entitled to their opinions, try to be as agreeable as possible, even when they are doing their best to get a reaction out of me.

So I will open it up to the floor - what floor there is of course, what with my pitiful amount of readership, and definite lack of comments. Should I delete my blog, and therefore wash away eighteen months of 'as it happened' type reporting - dull as dishwater reporting at times, to be true, but it is as much a part of me as my brain, fingers, heart and other bits.

And the most important thing of course is that I write for myself, even though I do it on the world wide web, not for anyone else. If people's interest is piqued and they visit semi-regularly, all well and good, but this is my corner of the web as much as anyone else's blog is...

Vote now - up for eviction is Paul's blog LOL...

Pauly

Twelve Year Anniversary

On 2 February 1994, I started my first full time job. It seems a lot longer than just twelve years. In the time since, I have only been out of work hmm - calculating in my head, carry the one, multiply by 0.14 for tax purposes etc - twenty months I think. Damned protestant work ethic, catholic guilt, even though I'm not religious or anything, those two phrases sum up my attitude to work LOL. Guilt if I feel I am slacking off, work ethic meaning I can't think of what else to do for ten hours a day - including travel time and breaks of course.

The guilt thing came into play with a quiz that was making the rounds of the Kiwi staff in the office - world famous in New Zealand.xls - with pictures as clues. It seemed the others were doing them all during the day, but me, I did a quick ten minutes during my arvo tea break and then forwarded it to home. Where I got 90 out of 100 without any hints or google searches - quite proud of myself...

Although one of the things did spark me off at work - in a good but unexpected way. One of the pictures is of the Chesdale cheese ad - 'we are the boys from down on the farm, we really know our cheese' and such - it is one of the things at the Te Papa Golden Days theatre exhibit, you know, the part of the museum which actually draws the locals in again and again. All Kiwiana and memorabilia and Great Moments Of Our Nation and Shorty Street and advertising jingles and such. It gets me in that patriotic spot every, single, time I go.

Well, thinking of it got me in that spot again, at work, and I almost teared up, at work. Had to wipe my eyes to get rid of it - I'm usually OK with letting the tears fall (thinking of the sensitive boy vignette out of the Brendan Fraser/Liz Hurley Bedazzled movie - mm, vignette, word of the day), but eh, don't need to let the workmates see that.

I don't think remembering the Chesdale jingle hit me in the homesickness spot, more so the patriotic spot. That great, undefined area of the brain where I am sure it hasn't evolved much from the tribalism of two hundred thousand years ago. Now I have Message From My Girl bouncing around my head, Split Enz are apparently reforming and doing a tour of Australia...

It's finest cheddar, made better... and then Golden Days would segue into the underarm bowling, then the Olympics, with Jack Lovelock winning the 1500 at Berlin, the Nazi salutes and then into WW2, El Alamein, Cassino. And then onto something else, kinda sorta related to what was just on. I wonder if the National Museum in Canberra has anything similar - what makes Australians patriotic, apart from the Oy Oy Oy slogan?

Talking of Australia, this AWB corruption story just keeps growing and growing. From just maybe kinda maybe we bent the rules a bit, to the whistleblower today saying that the board was well aware that there were kickbacks going to the Iraqi regime - former Iraqi regime, make that - to the Australian Embassy in Washington making diplomatic representations to Congress to tone down an AWB investigation that the Senate was undertaking.

Letters apparently flying around from both Foreign Affairs and the PM's department, although they look well above board at the moment. And more angry letters from Congress in Washington now that all this info is leaking out. It's not exactly illegal wiretapping, but where is the good going to come out of this story?

Oh, and that's another kinda sorta related topic - Afghanistan. They had a conference about the country over the last couple of days, $13 billion promised in aid and such, they had a sound bite from Tony Blair saying how much progress the country had been making, blah blah blah, but oh, Australia is sending another 200 troops, how much does the national government control outside of Kabul, where is Osama Bin Laden.

And not even going to go into the whole rosy speech that Bush made for this year's State of the Union - I wonder what would happen if a politician ever told the truth. And yes, I am thinking of Warren Beatty in Bulworth LOL. If Bush said, 'well, the country isn't going too well - we had 800 fatalities in Iraq last year, I'm not too sure whether we are winning that or not, we got belted by Katrina and Rita weatherwise last year'. Wouldn't it be novel :)

Oh, and another rant moment, saw someone from Concerned Mothers of America on SBS news just before, concerned about the number of gay movies that have been given nods at the Oscars this year - Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Transamerica. I would think it would be better for Concerned Mothers of America to worry about the Iraqi war, but then, what do I know, I didn't think too much of Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction either.

No chance of that this year, with the Rolling Stones as Superbowl halftime entertainment - in Detroit this year, I sure hope they have a roof, otherwise Mick, Keith, Ron and the other one will get mighty cold.

Brokeback Mountain, or as TSSH has put it, Crouching Cowboy, Hidden Sausage.

Oh, and in the good news, well at least it's not bad news, of the day, the planet 2003 UB313, aka Xena, is bigger than Pluto. Well, I like to call things bigger than Pluto independent of other celestial bodies planets, that whole debate is due to maybe be decided in August, when the International Astronomical Union next meets. Fingers crossed if it is decided that 2003 UB313 is a planet it gets a more august name than Xena.

Think that's about it for the evening, carry on, as you were.

Pauly

Riverside

Had a quiet twenty minutes or so in the middle of the day today - I went a couple of blocks in the opposite direction to where I usually go and found myself beside the Brisbane River. For being in the Big City, and almost always heading deeper into the concrete jungle, the riverside is surprisingly close. Had a great view of the Story Bridge, and sat down and just watched the ferries cut through the chop - I could have walked up and down the pathway, but it was hot enough already - early 30s. Likely to be that warm until at least Sunday as well.

The river isn't exactly harbour blue, and there wasn't an ice cream cart nearby, but the sense of peace, calm and relaxation was similar to the feeling I used to have wandering down to the waterfront in Wellington. I must post that 'postcard' email I sent out a few years ago - that I had posted on one of my older blogs...

It was just good to get out of the office, away from the traffic, listening to the distant hum of the Story Bridge, and the passing ferries. Very nice.

Pauly