1. The visceral thrill of waterfights. The ones where everyone gets absolutely soaked, and you can't stop laughing or giggling at the silliness of it all.
2. The realisation of how strong I have become since getting Here.
3. I am no longer a doormat.
3. I am no longer a doormat.
4. The realisation that I am Here because I want to be. I am no longer trying to contort myself into what Mistress, Sir or anyone else wants me to be, I am Here on my own terms.
5. Of course, if Mistress asked or Ordered me to contort myself for her, I would do my absolute best to do so.
5. Of course, if Mistress asked or Ordered me to contort myself for her, I would do my absolute best to do so.
6. I am happy.
7. Which, in turn, makes Mistress happy. Win/win all round.
8. If Mistress is happy, she won't Order me to contort myself. QED.
9. Having a 'discussion' with Mistress before Christmas and remaining entirely rational about it all. Especially since the thrust of that discussion was to give her and Sir more space. Which, in the past, I could have easily blown up at. But, I didn't.
10. Which was a strange feeling. Liberating, in a way. Disappointing, in other ways.
11. But I just have to deal with what life is giving me. And I believe I handled it very well. I believe Mistress was very impressed with me - even more so than usual.
12. Despite the 'disappointing' discussions such as above, I believe the loving bond, the relationship, between Mistress and I continues to gain strength.
13. I am still here to help Sir and 'Boss C' as much as I can, and I love the both of them as well. It is just that Mistress is first among equals.
14. It is very true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
15. A new found sense of equality in my relationships Here that I never thought I would feel.
16. Despite all the equality, the strength and all that, I don't know what I would do or be if I didn't have Mistress in my life. And she doesn't know where she would be without me.
17. And all those other thoughts and feelings between us. Which often don't even need to be mentioned out loud. If that makes any sort of sense at all.
18. Christmas was an absolute win.
19. Mistress said that I give the best presents. I showed thought and imagination with all of them. Even now, days later, they are still mentioning what I gave. Winning.
20. I secretly worried that I would miss my family and the Christmas back There. But I didn't need to worry, Mistress' parents and their friends and all were fun and entertaining enough to distract me no end.
21. I must have had fun on Christmas Day. I went swimming in a pool for the first time in a Very Long Time. The company I was keeping in the pool may have had something to do with it.
22. Boxing Day was good. Took the kids out to the movies, and Mistress asked sweetly whether she could come along as well. As if I could ever deny her. Hearing her laugh at the cinema, was lovely.
23. And then, the public holiday after Boxing Day, the family went for a walk down by the river in a nearby park. I had my first swim in a river since I was eight years old.
24. I am in the process of 'letting go' of my old, self doubting, self loathing self.
25. It is easier than I thought it would be, and I am seeing the outlines of a new, 'post depressive' me.
26. I am also letting go of my fears. The most important one being the fear of success. Funnily enough.
27. I have already succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.
28. I belong here.
29. The kids - what can one say. The comfort levels between them and I are huge. Some days they even seem to flock around me, for whatever reason. It is - nice. I can't think of a better word, to be honest.
30. Humming Pinky and the Brain's theme song.
31. Work is still a win.
32. Especially now that Mistress commutes with me 90% of the time.
33. Even though she expects me to be dead quiet on the train while she organises her life via phone and iPad.
34. The hug, the peck on the cheek as she departs a station earlier than I do.
35. 'Talking' to a workmate via email. We broke through the innuendo wall about a week ago, and onto full on flirting now.
36. Off for a day of sportswatching soon - workmate's mother said to her that I have a girlfriend, what am I doing taking workmate. Simple answer is that Mistress doesn't like this particular sport. Funny answer that workmate thought of saying to her mother was that she knows I have a girl, but she still wants the chance to bang me behind the ladies' toilets. Classy, but very very very funny.
37. Mistressed LOLed - as in Actually Laughed Out Loud - when I sent that portion of the email to her. She is wondering what she is going to do with me, to which I grinned cheekily. Having her knowledge and, dare I say blessing, makes the flirting with workmate even more fun.
38. Personally, I think workmate is all talk, but it will be fun exploring the, erm, boundaries.
39. Funniest message from a friend I have received the last month was 'I really don't know what it is, but when a guy finds out you are into kink stuff, they INSTANTLY want to fuck you up the arse. I do not understand.' This was sent to me, pretty much out of the blue, by friend at 7.36am on a weekday. I LOLed, and of course, had to show Mistress as well.
40. As well as the three primary relationships I have somehow stumbled into Here, I haz awesome friends floating around the city as well. As well as a select few friends from Over There that I still keep in contact with.
41. Promises of back scratching from friend who sent that text above, to the extent of there being blood. Squee!!!
42. Modelling in front of the camera for about the first time ever. And the photos being an absolute win.
43. Mistress has kept suggesting she would tell me how she felt the photos came out, but she hasn't told me yet. Apart from the innate ability of me to show my vulnerability. More information required however.
44. It might sound a bit twee, but The Collar isn't defining me at the moment, I may be defining The Collar. Not quite the right phrasing, but in the right direction. As above, it is my choice to be here now, and The Collar is still the most important possession I have. It's just different, in a way. In a positive way.
45. I am still submissive. That isn't going away. But I am now very selective in who I am submissive to. To everyone else, I am the Princess That Has Hardened Up.
46. As Mistress finally sighs with relief at that last statement.
47. Oh, remembering a conversation that was less rational a few days ago. But I voluntarily went into time out to calm down. Which is a change to when I first got here. I wouldn't say my stubborn streak has disappeared, but it picks its battles nowadays, with far more care than it used to.
48. Mistress is lucky that I love her. The same can be said for Sir.
49. Child Two saying that it would be a shame if I decided to move out of the house, as I make his mother laugh, and the place is less fun when his mother isn't laughing. He also suggested another day that I take the rest of the week off sick, to stay home and cheer his mother up.
50. Mistress smiling to herself when I was singing out loud along to Steps - 'my boot scooting baby is driving me crazy' etc. She said it was because I was in love with the blonde. Umm, and the brunette, Boss, and the other blonde :)
51. Being loved. And, equally, giving my love.
24. I am in the process of 'letting go' of my old, self doubting, self loathing self.
25. It is easier than I thought it would be, and I am seeing the outlines of a new, 'post depressive' me.
26. I am also letting go of my fears. The most important one being the fear of success. Funnily enough.
27. I have already succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.
28. I belong here.
29. The kids - what can one say. The comfort levels between them and I are huge. Some days they even seem to flock around me, for whatever reason. It is - nice. I can't think of a better word, to be honest.
30. Humming Pinky and the Brain's theme song.
31. Work is still a win.
32. Especially now that Mistress commutes with me 90% of the time.
33. Even though she expects me to be dead quiet on the train while she organises her life via phone and iPad.
34. The hug, the peck on the cheek as she departs a station earlier than I do.
35. 'Talking' to a workmate via email. We broke through the innuendo wall about a week ago, and onto full on flirting now.
36. Off for a day of sportswatching soon - workmate's mother said to her that I have a girlfriend, what am I doing taking workmate. Simple answer is that Mistress doesn't like this particular sport. Funny answer that workmate thought of saying to her mother was that she knows I have a girl, but she still wants the chance to bang me behind the ladies' toilets. Classy, but very very very funny.
37. Mistressed LOLed - as in Actually Laughed Out Loud - when I sent that portion of the email to her. She is wondering what she is going to do with me, to which I grinned cheekily. Having her knowledge and, dare I say blessing, makes the flirting with workmate even more fun.
38. Personally, I think workmate is all talk, but it will be fun exploring the, erm, boundaries.
39. Funniest message from a friend I have received the last month was 'I really don't know what it is, but when a guy finds out you are into kink stuff, they INSTANTLY want to fuck you up the arse. I do not understand.' This was sent to me, pretty much out of the blue, by friend at 7.36am on a weekday. I LOLed, and of course, had to show Mistress as well.
40. As well as the three primary relationships I have somehow stumbled into Here, I haz awesome friends floating around the city as well. As well as a select few friends from Over There that I still keep in contact with.
41. Promises of back scratching from friend who sent that text above, to the extent of there being blood. Squee!!!
42. Modelling in front of the camera for about the first time ever. And the photos being an absolute win.
43. Mistress has kept suggesting she would tell me how she felt the photos came out, but she hasn't told me yet. Apart from the innate ability of me to show my vulnerability. More information required however.
44. It might sound a bit twee, but The Collar isn't defining me at the moment, I may be defining The Collar. Not quite the right phrasing, but in the right direction. As above, it is my choice to be here now, and The Collar is still the most important possession I have. It's just different, in a way. In a positive way.
45. I am still submissive. That isn't going away. But I am now very selective in who I am submissive to. To everyone else, I am the Princess That Has Hardened Up.
46. As Mistress finally sighs with relief at that last statement.
47. Oh, remembering a conversation that was less rational a few days ago. But I voluntarily went into time out to calm down. Which is a change to when I first got here. I wouldn't say my stubborn streak has disappeared, but it picks its battles nowadays, with far more care than it used to.
48. Mistress is lucky that I love her. The same can be said for Sir.
49. Child Two saying that it would be a shame if I decided to move out of the house, as I make his mother laugh, and the place is less fun when his mother isn't laughing. He also suggested another day that I take the rest of the week off sick, to stay home and cheer his mother up.
50. Mistress smiling to herself when I was singing out loud along to Steps - 'my boot scooting baby is driving me crazy' etc. She said it was because I was in love with the blonde. Umm, and the brunette, Boss, and the other blonde :)
51. Being loved. And, equally, giving my love.
