The Important Things

Just had some sobering news come through from back home - my grandfather is ill again, and the prognosis isn't the best. He has had cancer for about seven or eight years, but the reports from back home are getting more and more negative.

He had pneumonia for about three months over the winter just gone, but now that the pneumonia has gone, there is still a large shadow under his chest shown by x-ray. Also with his last test, there was apparently moderate degeneration of brain cells - moderate meaning it was more than would normally be expected. One of the drugs that he was on to control his blood pressure apparently had this sort of side effect, and since his last illness about four months ago or so, he hasn't been on that particular drug, and his blood pressure has been normalish.

Also during the last check up, last week I think, he was told finally and categorically that he could no longer drive. From the report I got, his face fell so much in disappointment. The doctor tried to cheer him up with stories about other, younger, people who also couldn't drive because of medical issues, and it seemed to work, but I can just imagine how devastated he was on initially hearing it.

My grandfather loves to drive, to have his independence - even though he hasn't been able to on doctor's orders over the winter just gone, that was just a temporary thing, the news last week seemed permanent. The doctor gave the whole you will be uninsured for err insurance purposes, and if you hit and kill somebody, that could be culpable homicide.

He collapsed in the bathroom a couple of days ago, he said he fell, but my grandmother suspects his legs just went from under him, and he tore the skin open on his forearm - my uncle, who is about five blocks away, taped it up to try and heal it.

I remember my other grandfather, on Dad's side of the family - he died in 1991 from complications to skin cancer I think - I'm thinking that his skin was as delicate as tissue paper towards the end, frail, ill. Shaking his hand at the end of the last visit, the strength completely gone, a roomful of relatives already looking mournful, watching as me and my brother said goodbye, not being able to bring myself to say 'see you next time' and mumbling something platitudinous (if that is a word). About a week later, he was dead.

Of course we went up to the funeral, but I refused to do the open casket thing - other relatives took photos, tastefully of course - and I couldn't bring myself to lay flowers on the coffin in the hearse either. I'm not sure whether I scattered some of the ashes either, I don't think so but I can't be sure. Could not bring myself to put my hands into his body, if you know what I mean.

Anyways, back to the living. Last night, approximately 4am, my grandfather said to my grandmother that he was going to the bathroom. He got out of bed, and simply collapsed - where did the phrase 'like a sack of potatoes' come from anyway? His knees were screwed up against the bed, my grandmother asked him to stand up, and he thought he was. After a bit longer, he simply got the paper tissues next to his bed, and started shredding them, as if there was nothing else of importance in the world.

Grandmother rang my uncle to help out, after she tried to move him and injured herself in the process - around the abdomen, as my mother indicated - and they got him back into bed, and were awake for the rest of the morning. At 8.30am my aunt took them both in to the doctor's, just as he was opening, and the doctor said to take him straight into hospital. The grandparents apparently have an aversion to ringing 111 - as it is in New Zealand - this isn't the first time this year they have waited for more advice before going to the hospital.

However, it took them about four and a half hours to get him admitted to a ward. The doctors there are going to do all sorts of tests on him to try and figure out what is going on, but just from the general tone of what is going on, it doesn't sound good.

I haven't seen the grandparents for almost two years, and this latest news has wound me up a lot, plus given me a brief taste of the guilts. I feel I need to go over within the next couple of months, before anything, umm, worse should eventuate. And I have been putting the idea of a trip back home off for the last twelve months or so, there are more important things to do, I can't get the leave - with the report I was given this evening, I need to talk to my boss, maybe compassionate leave, maybe time off without pay. God knows there are enough parents at work who take time off for their kids.

And that segues - if I have the right word - into the lack of time I have off with sickness. Sometimes I just feel crap without physical symptoms, but mental illness and stress somehow doesn't equate with something caused by bacteria or whatever. The idea that I am a good worker, and deserve to have time off in cases such as sick relatives, doesn't really come to the fore that much in my thinking.

Maybe a few days off in December? Can I wait that long, without something worse happening? There go the plans for Christmas in Tasmania, or anywhere else for that matter, if I do go back home in the next couple of months.

And back a couple of months will go my 'Pay Off Debt' day. Though that will happen nonetheless, and compared with other things, even though it is the Olympic Flame of my life at the moment, I have built it up so much - and will probably find a cliff face on the other side, ready to tumble down, as I try to figure the rest of my life out - compared to other things, $x worth of debt really isn't that important.

I am quite upset at the moment, but am keeping as much of it inside me as possible. Even though I did that back during the nervous breakdown year, keeping things inside, I am consoling myself with the thought that I have to stay strong for the other members of the family. Yes, I know, lying to myself - as if they need me to stay strong, or as if they notice me, either of those two things. Yes, belittling myself, it is just one of my coping mechanisms.

Have written far too much for one entry - more later.

Paul

Big Question Of The Day

Now that Schumi has retired, who will I go for in the Formula One? I think the Anyone But Alonso school of thought will be the guiding force for the next year or so at least.

Yeah, yeah, I know, pretty weak re-entry into the blogosphere, but I have been quiet a few days now, and you have to start somewhere.

More - and hopefully more of substance - later.
Paul

Multi Cultural

A bouquet to the state government, for sponsoring the Queensland multi cultural festival at Roma Street Parklands on Sunday, letting the thousands of people in for exactly zero dollars. Was a beautiful day, although a bit hot at thirty degrees, lots to do, lots to see. Lots of shiney happy people around, lots of smiles. Can you tell I enjoyed myself?

The jam packed programme started at 9.30 - about seven major 'stages' with stuff doing for most of the day, and entertainers just walking around - but I didn't get there until quarter to eleven. I was meaning to get there earlier, but after walking around Toowong for five hours the day before, I had to have a bit of sleep in between.

I was meaning to head over to the Argentinian tango people first, but got distracted by some enthusiastic Morris dancers. Put a smile on the face, was cute and entertaining, all those jangly bits, and they got a 'volunteer' in a blindfold that they danced around. And then I was going to see the tango bit, but then some Bolivians got into some pretty gorgeous costumes and I stuck around to watch their bit for about twenty minutes.

Finally got to the tango stage for the last five minutes or so, and was suddenly glad I was morris dancing and Bolivian pan piping beforehand - the grand piano, the flute, the violin, the bass, dressed up to the nines - not my scene at all nowadays. Sure, I like a good suit as much as anyone, but I just got the feeling that noses were in the air.

Scoffed down some Hungarian snap bread, with sour cream, cheese and goulash, and tried to catch the Aboriginal welcome to the Upper Parklands - yes, I discovered that the place has a lot of steps, gradients and the like, would hate to try running around the place, lots of step training. If I hadn't had the goulash, I probably would have made it to see the welcoming ceremony, but missed it by that much - they were just walking out of the 'sand pit' as I got there.

Headed over to see the Sudanese Catholic Church choir - I just love the style, the cut and especially the colours of most clothes that Africans wear. I spent about five minutes trying to word that sentence right, without trying to sound err racist or anything, but gave up trying, and I know what I mean and it isn't offensive, hope it doesn't come across that way to others. And the Sudanese had pretty good voices as well, even if there was a bit too much hallelujah in it for me LOL.

Then it was a tough choice, either to see the Premier do his welcome to multiculturalism or to go to the Dutch pavilion. When an Amstel beer is on offer, well, can you guess which one I took? Quenched the thirst, but would have been nice to share it with somebody - yes, I did go by myself, very much the Loser from that Beck song perhaps. I have just gotten so used to doing things by myself, more's the pity.

Then went into the actual gardens part of the Parklands, took a photo of a grasshopper eating a leaf, with the shadow of its body against the leaf itself - very nice. Was actually the first time I had been down to the parklands ever, and, apart from the thousands of people there last weekend, found it quite peaceful. Kudos to whoever put that idea together - was it disused railyards before probably?

Found some Bolivian food, some doughy thing with beef in, like a funny shaped spring roll maybe - with chili and sour cream, and then proceeded not to sit down at a table where I could have eaten it civilised like, but instead found a chair watching the Abyssinian dancers. With the beat of the music and the red, yellow and green scarves, it could have been a Bob Marley concert. Although I think I was more concerned with spilling chili all over myself at that stage.

Watched the Poles, Croats and Kurdish dancers before being seduced by the samba beat of the mock Rio Carnival outside. Well the samba beat and perhaps the samba dancers, in those bikini outfits - at least they were well dressed for the weather, the poor Bolivian, Polish and Kurdish men, their traditional outfits were all in stifling wool. And love those big tin drums that the Brazilians have. Only thing missing was a football motif, although they did crash out of the World Cup earlier in the year, maybe it would have brought up too many bad memories.

At the end of the carnival procession, my camera battery, which had been promising to expire since about an hour into the festivities, finally gave up the ghost. All through the time, since that Sudanese choir, I had been thinking, as long as it lasts to the carny, I will be okay if it dies after then. The battery must have been listening to me, to give up the ghost the first time I tried to take a picture of the Russian dancers.

Must remember to buy a spare battery for these big photo days in future. I would have quite happily taken shots of the Russians doing their cossack moves. Watched a bit of the Scottish dancing troupe before realising without a camera there was no use in sticking around to watch the Police Pipes and Drums band - which I would have had to wait an extra hour to see anyhows.

Next year, I will have that second battery. This year, I had heaps of fun anyways - with the crowds as they were on Sunday, and the happy go lucky vibe of the day, it is somewhat, well actually very surprising that the multi cultural thing has only been going for three years.

Mark it on your calendar for next year, all you Brisbane readers. Is a great day out.

Pauly

Photographic Expeditions

The last couple of weekends I have gotten back into the habit of going out and about to take photos - this weekend perhaps to extremes, at least with the amount of time spent on my feet walking and all. It basically started last Friday, I had the day off, when during a spot of retail therapy in the city, I decided to head down to the Botanic Gardens and along the waterfront - yes, you caught me, there was a Young Divas concert at the Eagle Street Pier. Good singers.

But anyways, some of the shots down the Gardens look like they will come out quite nicely, and then last Sunday I was just feeling a spot of cabin fever, and decided to head out of the house with my camera for an expedition around the surround suburb or two. Spent two hours out and about, mostly walking, taking photos - ok, yes, I did buy my Economist for the week, and also headed to KFC - it was the constant advertising of the Official Burger of The Bathurst 1000 that got to me LOL.

This weekend I have been walking all over the place. I was always going to go to Roma Street Parklands today, but for some reason I felt like just sticking a pin in the middle of the city map yesterday, and headed out to Toowong. Largest cemetery in Brisbane, and I think you can get good pics at those locations. And next door to the Mount Coot-tha part of the Botanic Gardens, so would be a two fer one.

The cemetery is big, between 115 and 120 thousand buried there. There is the military section, a Jewish section, an Orthodox section - including a mausoleum in the shape of an Aegean Island church, blue roof a la Santorini and all. A husband of the granddaughter of William Bligh, the Bounty and all that, who himself was a mercenary in the Spanish Carlist wars before coming over to be a politician in NSW and Queensland has a good view over the city.

The second governor of Queensland, whose burial was the first at Toowong, in 1875 I think, has a Gothic style tower about fifteen to twenty metres high in his honour. And all the money that went on all that marble and wrought iron, not just there but all over the cemetery, and it just stays there, under nature's relentless onslaught. And over on the other hill, the gradient is so steep, I wondered how the pall bearers, the stone workers and everyone got up there to place the coffins. And then chased some pigeons, to try out the action setting on my camera.

Then over to the Botanic Gardens. Or at least that was the plan. Forty minutes later, yes, I did get the wrong street, I did start off by going in the wrong direction, I made it to the Gardens. Had a quick milkshake before heading into the gardens proper, and found a bus stop there, with the timetable and everything, so I had like half an hour if I wanted to catch the first bus, an hour and a bit for the second. After getting err lost, yes I will admit it, I didn't want to wait two and a bit hours, and not being likely to get home until 7 or so, so I wanted half an hour at first, an hour at the most.

Well, the half hour plan was out after about ten minutes gardening. The gardens at Mount Coot-tha are huge, especially compared to the hemmed in city version. I covered perhaps a third of the area in a rush, could have easily spent a day up there, and will keep that in mind next time. Very pretty out there.

Will blog on the multicultural thing either later tonight or tomorrow - lots of fun, lots of photos - the battery in my camera exhausted itself even. Lucky it's a rechargable LOL.

More later
Paul

Worst Drought Ever

Yep, that's the word from the boffins. Or maybe it is the worst drought in a hundred years.

Anyways, the finger pointing and blame game between the politicians is as hot as ever, with the Feds saying the state governments haven't managed their resources correctly, the state governments retorting that the Feds haven't given the money for national infrastructure type projects that they should have.

The Treasurer was saying that the drought may cause a recession in the bush, which may very well then cause higher inflation for the rest of us because groceries could be more expensive. This also after the low unemployment rate, lowest in thirty years apparently, is partly due to a skills shortage and apparently low unemployment overheats the economy, so that's another mark to raising rates again.

On the other hand, Mark Vaile, the leader of the Nats in Canberra - aka Mr Know Nothing at the wheat for bribes inquiry - has asked the Reserve Bank not to raise rates, to take a sympathetic view of farmers going to the wall if rates are raised. Yes, because sympathy is such a large part of economic thinking. And surprise surprise, the politicians are already thinking of rescue packages for farmers.

Sorry to play devil's advocate, but how many people do live out in the bush anyways?

And it is an El Nino year, so it is due to be hotter over summer anyway - the southern states are having some of their hottest October days ever (Sydney was due to get to 37 today), level four water restrictions are to take effect in Brisbane and the South East on November 1 - lucky they got that pesky election out of the way before things got worse, eh - and Tasmania and I think Victoria had their earliest total fire ban days ever earlier in the week.

It's going to be a horrid summer, I can feel it.

Paul

PS - Buffalo, in New York state, just got its heaviest October snowfall in one day ever. Think it is linked with us having a worse summer - ya think?

Things Are Screwed

North Korea tested a nuclear weapon today. South Korean and American earthquake monitors picked up a 'seismic event' equivalent to between 3.5 and 4 on the Richter scale somewhere in the North, and television out of Pyongyang has been rah rah we tested a nuke the last couple of hours.

I think it's the most worrying world event since September 11, or arguably the Iraqi invasion. Especially with the fact that North Korea is semi-regularly testing missiles that can reach Japan. Especially since the Americans have been trying to ignore that particular threat while getting stuck in the Iraqi quagmire. And with one of the officials the other day saying North Korea can either have nuclear weapons or it can have a future, they couldn't countenance - if I have the right word - living with a nuclear North Korea. Well, unless there is another war, where Seoul will probably be wiped out in the first day, the gung ho elements of the Administration will just have to back down.

And on the political angle, how does having an 'official' nuclear North Korea make America safer? All the focus with national security on the terrorist, Islamic threat, and they have been trying to ignore Kim Jong-Il all this time - no direct bilateral talks in the entire Bush regime I think? And for North Korea now see Iran in five years time. Going across to the Middle East, how did refusing to talk to Syria, Iran, Hamas or Hizbullah help in the latest Israeli war?

We need Team America World Police, hell yeah, to take out Cartman, aka Dictator Kim. Who knows what goes on in his mind, now that he has attained his life goal of nuclear weaponry. But seriously, North Asia is now screwed security wise - today at least. Tokyo's sharemarket is lucky it had the day off today.

Paul

Somewhat Disappointing

I read the Andrew McGahan book, Underground, yesterday. After a good set up in the first half of the book - the citizenship test was a laugh, as one example - the second half seemed to lose its way, ending up with a climax that was so err silly that it could have been thought up by South Park or Team America World Police. I won't give anything away, apart from the TAWP phrase, 'durka durka'. And it had gotten to over halfway through so well, as well.

Has been a quiet weekend. Did bugger all yesterday apart from read, and today is the day of days of Australian motorsport. The Bathurst 1000 - or, as was repeated ad nauseum today, the winner today got the inaugural Peter Brock Trophy. I was fine with the nine car tribute lap, the moment of silence, but thought things went a bit over the top with the prayer and Iva Davies singing 'We Can Be Heroes' - oh, and I'm suddenly thinking of that ABC 'comedy series' from a couple years ago. Wasn't all that stuff done at the funeral?

Sorry, just having a cynical moment here - Craig Lowndes won, and the tagline from Channel Ten went that the car was Ford, the driver was Holden, the mentor was Brock. Obviously Australian motorsport will have some reference to Brock for the next decade. And as for saying the crowd was there primarily for the remembrance of Peter Perfect, I am sure the Ford fans weren't.

And then the mood wasn't improved by the groan fest that was Aussie Idol. Disco night, oh, let's promote one of our judges with her new album, yippy skip. And then there was not one singer that was actually any better than averagely meh, and two that were downright disgraceful. No prizes for guessing that it was Sideshow Bobby and 'I'll do better next week' Lisa, killing Superfreak, lounge style, and Heart Of Glass, forget the words style, respectively.

Am on the later shift at work this week, so later starts, but means I'm not home until quarter past eight in the evening. My night is going to seem over even before I finish tea - but at least it's only for a week.

Pauly

What The?

What is up with this advertising campaign? Went into town, had a lovely day off thank you, and these were plastered all over the railway station - when I first saw them I had no idea what they were trying to say, but after thinking on it a bit, maybe the best place for a Johanssen or Jolie conversation is the pub, with a Guinness? Perhaps? Or maybe the best situation to talk such shit is while eating the Irish ale? No, it's a stout, isn't it?

Anyways, got my eyes tested, very quickly, my sight hasn't changed - I wanted to talk about options other than lenses or glasses, but the guy shoved me out of the office very quick smart - he mentioned something about putting contact lenses in the actual eye, but by that stage I was back at the counter, ordering the contact lenses I am getting. In out in about eight minutes, I remember the long chats I used to have with my optometrists, of twenty to forty minutes - was slightly underwhelmed by the service actually. Contacts will be $400, no surprise there, but what was a surprise is that they may be in next week - wow. Money wise, the hits just keep on coming LOL.

Had a pumpkin feta and pesto pizza from that place in Wintergarden that I like - was nice, could have used just a smidgeon of meat, but was very tasty anyways. No one else I know understands having pumpkin on a pizza, le sigh...

Went to Borders, sure that they would have the next book in the Steve Erikson series, but shock horror, they didn't. They did have Aftermath, that 9/11 photo montage book, yes, the $120 book, but what with my saving for my contact lenses, that purchase was pushed a little further over the horizon. I did start reading the first bit of a book in store, Underground by Andrew McGahan - the war on terror comes to Australia, hard. I ummed and ahhed about it, but didn't get it at Borders. I went into what looked to be an independent bookstore further down Albert St, all the latest American non fiction best sellers - Iraq, Bush etc, I was in heaven lol, but didn't buy anything there either.

Wandered around the Botanic Gardens for a half hour or so, testing out the camera some more, before stumbling across a free concert by the Young Divas. Those four Australian Idol girls who seem to have the best voices of the lot. Tested out the camera a bit more, and their voices were pretty good for an outdoor thing.

Got my Tassie photos developed, so came home and spent about two hours sorting them out. Oh, and bought that book I started reading at Borders in Dymocks - I have one of their - Dymocks - frequent flier club cards after all. All in all a good day.

Paul

Three Day Weekend

And not a moment too soon - although pay day came and went, and I have been happier in my own self, I found I still had little patience for difficult customers. I must have been to the bosses to check as many things this week as the three months beforehand.

Three days away from the office, with the possibility of going out, now that I am solvent again - have money solvent, not glue - should take the edge off. Fingers crossed.

More soon
Paul

Anger Management

I was steamed over the weekend, not a happy bunny. Not even my team in the rugby league winning could take the edge off for more than like fifteen minutes - it was obvious with ten minutes to go who would win, and I felt empty, hollow even from that time up until the whistle even. Dare I say that the Aussie Rules grand final was a more exciting spectacle? Geez, I need to get back to some rugby if AFL is rubbing off on me again.

I think I started stressing on Friday night at about 10.30 when I realised that I had maybe had one drink too many, budget wise - not alcohol wise - I am meaning, and that took me under the psychologically comforting amount of x amount of dollars until pay day, Tuesday. Actually, I was stressing about money a bit earlier than that, when it came down to shoes OR photos, not both, last Monday at the shopping mall.

Anyways, the key cause of stress this weekend just gone has been money. Because I had little of it, I did not go out or do anything on the weekend - although I love just blobbing out on the weekend, I do like to have at least the opportunity to go out, even if it is just for window shopping and lunch.

If I stay too long at home, I do get a sense of cabin fever - although I was talking up watching the footy finals to workmates etc, there is only so much I can try to do to be the stereotypical Australian male, and transfixed to three hours of West Coast Sydney is not one of them, I only really took notice in the last quarter of that match.

And of course, me being me, I like to keep bad information to myself for as long as possible, so I didn't tell the parents that I was almost flat broke until Sunday afternoon. And didn't get that extra x amount of dollars that I felt I needed until later Sunday evening - I was kind of not wanting to get into financial issues with my parents, as my brother has been lax in paying some loans of his own to them, or so I overheard.

Geez, this money thing has taken over my life since I went financially AWOL from home back in 2003. When I finally get rid of the debt I may very well be a completely different person - happier, for starters, perhaps. Hopefully.

Was pay day yesterday, so I am happy again, apart from the shit computer systems we have at work that have been up and down like a kangaroo all week. Ah well, one day to go - I have Friday off, woohoo.

Paul

Thought Of The Day

Change is not made without inconvenience, even from worse to better - Richard Hooker

Had a rather grumpy weekend, and hope to explore what was going on in my head in a diary entry soon.

Paul